5 Reasons Why it’s Critical That You Leave Your Narcissistic Partner


I often hear from my readers about how they can’t seem to sever the ties and leave their Narcissistic partner.  They’re still holding onto hope that the nightmare will end and the love they’ve been holding out for will become a reality; the intimate encounters are good; the Narc contributes to the community/is religious; the Narc is making an effort to make them jealous, so they must still care…the list goes on.

I know how that feels.  I’ve been there.

How do you get the Narcissist out of your head, stop obsessing, and stop ruminating?  It comes from understanding that the Narcissist does not see you as an individual.  You are only in their life as a disposable resource.  All the words of love and promises are lies.  Here, I list the top 5 reasons why you need to make the commitment to yourself to leave the toxic relationship and begin your path to recovery.

1) The Narc has/is destroying the very makeup of what makes you…you.  Your strengths of confidence, business savvy, intelligence, warmth, caring, and belief in yourself, your values…all in danger of oblivion.  Look at yourself today compared to the person you were before meeting the Narc.  Is there even an inkling of that former person left?  Have you gone against everything that ever meant anything to you?  Have your friends, family, and children been included in the Narc’s twisted games?

The reality is that one day you will begin to loathe yourself for allowing this person to take away your sense of self, subject your loved ones to his/her poison, and allowing them to kill happy memories that you could have made with the people who matter to you the most.  You will realize you were dealing with an imposter and that you enabled him/her to continue their destruction while stealing precious moments that you can never get back.

2) Staying in a toxic relationship subtracts years from your life.  Do you know what happens when you are in a state of constant stress and your body is in perpetual fight-or-flight mode?  The effects include damage to your body, mood, and behavior.  Stress damages your DNA, making you sick both physically and mentally, and can subtract up to eight years or more from your life span depending on your genetic predispositions.  Your body’s systems fall out of sync,  which in turn ages you prematurely.  When your DNA becomes damaged, your body has a higher risk of developing cancer and other life-shortening illnesses.

Do you have children?  Do you want to be around when they graduate from college?  Don’t you want to enjoy what life you have left?

Staying with a Narcissist will not enable you to do those things.  If you do make it to your child’s graduation, you’ll probably hobble in on a cane or worse, in a wheelchair wearing an adult diaper and a stent from the quadruple bypass you had.

3) If you have children, there will come a point where you won’t be able to hide the toxic traits of your relationship.  You will eventually lose strength, due to depression and feelings of hopelessness, and hiding the toxicity will become next to impossible.

Do you argue, shout, and/or cry in front of your children when the Narc is around?  What do you think happens during this time of your child’s development when they witness their parent(s) doing these things?  Aside from the emotional outbursts, does the Narc do mean things to your children, such as make fake promises to them; take their money that they find lying around; make jabs at their appearance; pump your child/children for information when you’re not around; include your child/children in their sick mind games?

If you can’t leave the Narcissist for your own benefit, then do it for the sake of your children.  They are helpless in this situation and they depend on you to protect them from harm.  Don’t give your children a bad start to their own ideas of what’s normal in a marriage/relationship.  They are building their belief systems now.  Make sure they have a solid foundation by leaving as soon as possible.

4) Many victims of Narcissistic Abuse go on to commit suicide.  I have read sad accounts of this happening, many times.  It happened because they finally gave in to the belief that their situation was inescapable.  Avoid this by going No Contact.  Don’t give them even a small crack to wedge themselves back into your world.  Delete all their attempts at communication such as emails and texts.  Block them from your phone and email.  Once they know you are ignoring them, they may try having their family or friends to contact you.  Don’t fall for it…cut ALL ties with the Narcissist.  I’m talking Full Metal Jacket…you are on a mission, don’t let the enemy get to you.

If you have children with your Narc, document everything.  Write in journals, keep an ongoing Word document, keep phone records, back up your text messages, see if you have any friends or family willing to testify if you go to court.  Give your Narc the times they can call and stick to those times.  Of course, this might be different if your child is in the care of the Narc, such as their court-ordered visitation.  I always keep myself open to calls during these times.  If my Ex tries to open up a conversation about anything not related to our son, I hang up.

No Contact is important because it contributes to cutting the emotional ties.  Don’t give yourself the chance to hear their voice.  After a while, you’ll feel yourself getting back to normal, little by little, day by day.  On the other hand, if you give in to them, you’ve wasted another day of your life.

5) You open yourself up to STDs and other illnesses.  Yep, that’s right.  Narcissists are notorious for cheating.  As such, you put yourself at great risk of contracting various forms of Sexually Transmitted Diseases.  I know it’s hard to accept, because most likely you’ve been monogamous all along, but not the Narc.  Don’t project your values of a committed relationship onto them because it will leave you in a constant state of confusion and frustration.

If your partner is a Narcissist and you want children in your future, the best thing to do is stop fornicating with a serial cheater.  There are diseases out there that will literally destroy your reproductive system.  Not to mention that you could contract something like herpes, where you’d be obligated to inform any future lovers you have of your disease.   Just imagine how embarrassing that would be.  How would you react if a new romantic interest informed you they had herpes or, worse, AIDS?  Don’t do that to yourself.

All of these scenarios have long-term, far-reaching consequences.  Forget about that fairy tale romance with your Narcissistic partner, unless your idea of a fairy tale is likened to that of The Little Mermaid, who was eventually found washed up on shore…

How to Do No Contact Like a Boss! is now available!  To find out more, click the image below:

Book Cover

131 thoughts on “5 Reasons Why it’s Critical That You Leave Your Narcissistic Partner”

  1. Hi my name is Tara. I live in Memphis.
    All of my life I been emotional and verbal abuse by my parents and brothers. I can remember my brothers being my first bullies as a child and the baby the only girl they would belittle me call me crazy girl get away no one want to play with you. As a child I was put in special Education my brothers would call me special ed, special ed, crazy girl. I would cry and tell my mother she would tell me you are a lie, stop I don’t believe you and if I can’t heal it then its not true. I work my way out of special ed and the only child to get a highschool diploma and went to college my second year I had to withdrawal because I need help with my books no job family would not help me to complete my degree I will go back and get my degree soon. Now I am a diabetic I am trying to take back my life and freedom. God have bless me any many ways i got a highschool diploma, my second year in college I will go back and complete my degree, I have my diabetes in control no meds and losing weight. I am still looking for a job,car,my own place to live. I pray everyday that God with bless me with a job and a career. I hope one day I can put my story out here on TV or A book. I will call my book special Ed or being normal living in a dysfunctional family.

  2. I spent the last year of my life with a man I discovered was a narcissist and it was absolutely grueling. His xwife has completely ceased all contact with him as well as his teenaged daughter. That should have been enough for me to realize there was a serious issue here. This man never acknowledged any of my traits outside of looking nice standing next to him. He never even asked what my level of education was, my religious faith or whether I had ever Married before! He was so incredibly vain that he would take random photographs of himself in public and had his gym clothes tailored. We were in a fantasyland relationship yet regardless of the incredible time we were having he cheated in a matter of months maybe even sooner. He became verbally abusive and I became a different woman I no longer liked. The signs are there from the very beginning; listen to your instincts and never give such a man one single day of your life.

  3. I am in a great deal of emotional pain. I am married to and have a large family with a man whom I believe is a Narcissist. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD as well as major depression after taking an overdose from the abuse by him. Physical as well as verbal and emotional. I gained so much weight trying to cope. I’m trying to find a way out of this hell on Earth. I’m gonna get out of this someway somehow.


  5. Can anyone our there suggest resources for parenting with a narcissist? I understand no contact is the best solution, but it’s not an option under these circumstances. Thank you!

    1. Hi Tennillle, I do have an article or two about co-parenting with the narcissist. Try typing those terms in the search bar over to the right of the web page. I’d give you the links, but I’m replying from my phone while on the road:)

  6. wonderful article!!!!! Yes they drain you then THYRE off gtng a car, clothes, haircut etc…. they just kp gnng&were
    starting over piece by piece, literally.
    the hardest part for me is my progression is slower. I have graduated MA program. I’ve daily worked on myself. since he financially tapped me out , just now getting my hair done, pedicures, repleneshing my wardrobe, not even close to a new car but baby steps…
    I feel evryones madness, disbelief, shock, emptiness like were in another planet, its deep…
    just remember this is a lesson, never again!!!!! You see we feel, they don’t! They are hollow, they never land, its rinse&repeat!!!!! They don’t change, just adjust to the supply for THEIR needs!!!!!!
    THYRE not happy, THYRE not in love
    its CONSTANTLY. abt them!!!!!
    The grass is never greener on the other side, but to a NARC yes! They are miserable, insecure, insrcure an deep down are full of envy, they have nothing&believe me they know it, THYRE like a leaf blowing in the wind….
    The key is getting them OUTA you’re system, that a conscious effort!!!!!
    Wasted my time energy emotion money for 7yrs ex bf NARC…. I’m mad at me thats why N/C only way, period…..
    No matter what you say ,do, don’t say, don’t do it makes NO difference…
    NARCS stay in thheir comfort zone, always will, always….
    Stay off SM(we knw what THYRE doing, same) N/C a must…..
    This is a ife changer, were rebuilding US!!!!
    Good days&baaaad of course, were human they’re Not!!!!!
    All that sparkles doesn’t shine, fact…
    Strength, Self-RESPECT, Courage to all!!! ;)
    an people who hvnt bn thru this don’t get it, THYRE not just a***s, THYRE evil with no remorse or soul……

    1. Currently day one leaving my narc I feel like a zombie can’t even walk to the shops how did I get here how do I escape :(

      1. It is a journey, that’s for sure. There will be pain in the beginning, but try to work through it. Consider it day one of your new life and keep reminding yourself by saying out loud, ‘These feelings won’t last forever. I am healing.’ I’d highly recommend a No Contact schedule to keep you on track. Wishing you all the very best <3

  7. This is my third occasion to have a friendship and/or relationship with a narc. I’ll never do it again. The last one left me devastated emotionally and possibly ruined financially.

    It’s unbelievable how nice they seem at first and then reveal their real character, They truly are not wired to care about who they hurt as long as they get want. The first one called me at three in the morning to threaten me over seven dollars. The second one tried to set me up to get into a fight and the third has treated me worse than any woman I’ve ever known.

    Please take it from me and the rest of us: Don’t get involved with them.

Due to the high volume of comments left here, I am not always able to respond to each one, but please know in advance that I wish each and every one of you success in detaching and moving on towards a better life!

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