The New Year abounds with lying liars, as “Narcissistic Lies” remains the number one search term that leads readers to Let Me Reach.
This has inspired me to create a series on the most common lies narcissists tell. In trying to determine the best format, I resolved to lead in with the first phase of the relationship, where the lying narcissist is preening his potential mate to be good supply. If only we could acquire a vibrating lie detector that fit easily into our coat pocket. Then, we would be alerted to the narcissist’s frequent falsehoods. But alas, until those are made available, we must continue to unite against these predators through education.
Common Lies of Love Bombing
- I can’t believe I’ve finally found you.
- I’ve never felt so comfortable in someone’s company before.
- No one understands me like you do.
- You’re the most beautiful woman (or man) I’ve ever seen.
- You have the most attractive __________ (eyes, hair, body shape, smile, dimples).
- My Ex was a psycho, drug addict, alcoholic, schizoid, cheater, etc.
- You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.
- I think I love you. I think I want to marry you.
- I never got married before because I haven’t found the right person yet.
- We have so much in common.
- He/she pressures you into becoming intimate in a short amount of time.
Deciphering the Lies
Wikipedia defines Love Bombing as an attempt to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection. It’s a manipulative tactic used commonly by cult leaders and abusive predators in romantic or other intimate relationships. Its purpose is to override the target’s critical thinking skills so that the abuser can control and manipulate. It also appeals to the target’s vanity and insecurity.
Love is the most sought after human need. So, when a target receives an overwhelming amount of love and acceptance, it’s very hard to analyze the reasons ‘why’ for fear of losing what they’ve desperately been longing for. In due course, the target becomes blindly dependent on their abuser; all while being hammered into submission.Black Hole of False Love
Love Bombing includes not only the above phrases, but also over-the-top gestures of attention. This plays out in the form of constant calls and text messages, gifts, flowers, invites to meet his family, requests to move in together, and splashing your social media sites with cutesy, flirty messages. Of course, these are all behaviors of people who are courting one another…but not after one date.
In predatory terms, it’s called going in for the kill. So how can you detect when this is happening and avoid becoming a Narcissist’s target? Let’s examine the step-by-step process from the Narcissist’s point of view:
First, they have lost their previous source of supply. Either their former partner left or the Narcissist is in the discard phase of the previous relationship. Since narcs cannot function independently, they experience an urgent need to replace their partner. This is why you will find them with a new companion in a very short amount of time. Sadly, victims who’ve been discarded suffer very low self-esteem when they discover their abuser has found someone new, when the fact is, the Narc has love-bombed a fresh candidate in order to secure a new source of livelihood. Don’t be fooled by the imaginary happiness of the Narc with his new supply. Narcs don’t view people as individuals. They view them in terms of whether or not they will be reliable supply.
Next, the Narcissist will appear to be an exact mirror of the new target, which in this case is you. Narcs don’t possess a fundamental inner-self, so they mimic that of their potential supply. This explains why they appear to be soul-mate material. The truth of the matter, though, is that the Narcissist targets people with positive energy, a good job, resources, intelligence, and the like. They couldn’t care less about you as a person. See how this is a recurring theme?
Lastly, a true connection with a potential partner is made through getting to know someone and creating a meaningful friendship. No one falls in love in three days. But, the energy it takes to secure new supply is exhausting, so the Narcissist wants to ensure his efforts pay off in as little time as possible. Instant gratification is the game…and you’re it.
It’s important to note that these statements could very well be made by partners in a genuine relationship. However, there should be an element of balance. If you experience these phrases one on top of the other, especially right after meeting them, it’s overkill and should be a warning flag. A relationship with a Narcissist is based on deceit. The love and affection aren’t real, and they will never be. At least, not from their side. The only time you will witness these desired behaviors is when the Narcissist thinks you might leave. You’ll also discover that when you’re back under his control, he becomes his true self again…an abusive, lying cult leader with you as his devoted disciple.
Infamous Love Bombers:
John Wayne Gacy
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