Why Won’t the Narcissist Psychopath Leave Me Alone?

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This is a common question among those who are thinking of leaving or have left an emotionally abusive partner (Narcissist, Sociopath, Borderline, etc.)  While some exceptions exist, the main reason that a Psychopath won’t leave someone alone is because their target hasn’t implemented No Contact in its true form.

For example, I often read on forums that someone has been “No Contact” for x-number of days, but then they receive a phone call, an email, or a Facebook message from the person they’re trying to get away from, which of course keeps them in a state of confusion and doubt.  (The only reason an abusive Ex should have an open line of communication is in the case of shared custody, and even then, there should only be one).

If there is a way for the Psychopath to contact you, then you haven’t gone No Contact…you’ve gone “No Response”, which is different.  Let’s talk about what No Contact really means as described in my article, The No-Contact 7-Day Challenge ~ Quitting Your Narcissist:

What No Contact IS

No Contact is – Blocking your Ex from your cell phone.  There are a number of apps that will allow you to do this.  “Mr. Number” is a great one because you can set it to automatically hang-up without ever going to voice mail.

No Contact is – Blocking your Ex from your email accounts.  All of them.  If you are the type that needs to explain what you are doing, then send a final email, and then block them.  Don’t leave yourself open for a reply because doing so will only lead to more crazy-making.

No Contact is – Blocking your Ex from your social networks.  All of them.  There is absolutely no reason to keep them on your “friends” list.  This includes Facebook, Skype, Tango, VooLoo, Facetime, etc.  Make a list of all the networks you use and remove the Ex from all of them.

No Contact is – Changing your cell phone number, if needed, and only giving it to friends and family.  Not your Ex.

No Contact is – Not answering the door if they come over.  And they likely will.  Don’t crack the door so you can tell them you’re fulfilling the No Contact rule.  It’s counter-productive and shows the Psychopath they are winning, which is all they want in the first place.  If they insist, walk away from the door, go to your room, put in ear plugs, sing a ditty, or hook yourself up with earphones and your favorite song/meditation on YouTube.  Pretend they aren’t there. If you begin to worry for your safety, call the police.  No need to inform them you will do it, just do it.

No Contact is – Letting a trusted friend open anything you receive from the Narcissist through USPS.  Let them determine if it’s something that can be saved for evidence, or just smoke and mirrors saying they miss you. If you have a custody arrangement, let same trusted friend open the letter to determine if it’s a legal matter or just their attempt at Hoovering.

No Contact is – Not replying to friends they send your way in order to pump you for information.

No Contact is – Not accepting any new “friend requests” on social networks, especially if it’s a request with no picture and was JUST established.

What No Contact Isn’t:

No Contact Isn’t – Leaving them with complete access to call or text you and deciding if you will answer the phone or not when they call.

No Contact Isn’t – Leaving them on your “friends” list on your social networks so you can covertly show them how happy you are in order to make them jealous and/or miss you OR so you can post pretty pictures of yourself to make them “regret” how they treated you.

No Contact Isn’t – Ignoring them for a few days to teach them a lesson, and then letting them back in as if nothing happened.

No Contact Isn’t – Asking your mutual acquaintances about your Ex so you can find out if they are dating again.

No Contact Isn’t – Sending a message or text that you will be going “No Contact” and then caving in when they start throwing a fit.  They will throw a fit.  Save yourself the drama.  Keep those lines of communication blocked.

No Contact Isn’t – Telling all your friends that you’ve gone No Contact, but secretly communicating with your Ex because you’re embarrassed and ashamed of the truth.

The Why

There are typically three reasons why the Psychopath is able to get through during No Contact:

1)      You genuinely forgot about that Instagram account you hardly ever use and you find a message on it from your Ex from two weeks ago.

2)      He or she stalked you to your favorite coffee shop/restaurant/park, etc.

3)      You secretly want the Ex to get in touch with you.

If you find a message on a networking site you rarely use, simply delete it and remove/block the Ex.

If they stalk/follow you to a place you are visiting, you will need to let them know you aren’t interested in pursuing the relationship and ask them to leave you alone. If they resist, inform them that you will involve the authorities if necessary.  As a last resort, go back to your car, go home, and call the police to file a report.  It’s important to establish the fact that you no longer want contact with your Ex in case your situation goes to court later, such as in the case of your needing to file a restraining/protective order.

If #3 resonates with you, it’s important to understand why the Psychopath is trying to get back into your good graces.  Following are common examples of why they do this (this isn’t a comprehensive list):

  • Because they can – when you repeatedly let the psychopath back into your life after obvious abuse and mistreatment, they will not only continue to abuse you, they will take it as a sign that you are willing to accept such abuse.
  • You’ve started to internalize their lies about you – after months and years of hearing that no one else would ever want you except for sex and money, you believe it to be true.  Additionally, you believe their abusive descriptions of you such as you are too old, too overweight, not intelligent enough, not pretty or handsome enough…think about it, would someone who loves you EVER say these things?
  • Punish and Destroy – they enjoy playing cat and mouse.  Since you dared to establish a boundary, they want to prove that not only can they violate it; they will destroy what self-esteem you might have left in the process.

Many targets of emotional abuse feel that implementing No Contact and sticking with it is a cruel way to end the relationship.  That’s because they are able to feel compassion and empathy for others.  Psychopaths don’t.  While you are trying to protect their feelings, they are plotting ways to make you pay for your decision of No Contact, and you will only suffer more at their hands.  Unfortunately, it’s necessary to detach yourself from your feelings of empathy and consider No Contact as a way of escaping abuse, beginning recovery, and starting a  new life which hopefully won’t include more abuse.  Besides, once the Psychopath finds a new source of supply, they will discard you, anyway.

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30 comments on “Why Won’t the Narcissist Psychopath Leave Me Alone?

  1. So much of what is written about narcissism is done in the context of a relationship, but for me it is in the context of a shared group activity.

    I am trying no contact but find it to be a challenge in the sense that to comply with strict no contact I would have to walk away from a sport I love very much.

    The loser narcissist abuser takes part in this sport – it is his stage – I am a target because I made a joke youtube video that made fun of him – however so long ago now even referring about it makes me feel insane as I made it in what I understood was an accepted culture of teasing.

    We have had a long time off from our sport as it is weather dependant and the weather has been rubbish – I made my first flights in mid march – within days of this the loser narcissist had reportedly poured over the entries in my log book blog – seen something he did not like and recruited his dullard sidekick friend to write to others in the club pointing out the from of words he disliked

    After a period of nothing happening – and a growing sense of calm in my life as a result – this happening after a single flyable day was more than a little upsetting.

    I however have not spoken directly to him about it – I have made comments to others that refer to aspects of flying that relate to him but only obliquely.

    Its more than disappointing to feel sucked in again in this way – however – I have not read or even opened threads where I suspect he has made utterances – and told people i his group to stop writing to me where with them I have also deleted and never even scanned the email

    I have to say that as this understanding sinks in that no contact means not even reading things he or his group write it is having a calming affect – I am not then left to ruminate on his forms of words that are ery often loaded with manipulative distortions of the truth

    this no contact rule I have extended to all those around him – old friends who have chosen to alighn them selves with him I have let go of them – I am done with the lot of them…

    but I am left determined to continue with the sport I love – I will just have to seek to be removed enough from them on the ground so as to be able to maintain calm inside me enough that when I take off and become a bird – my heart is light and my mind on the clouds where the magic lives….

    your posting here has wisdom – it takes a while to understand how much…

    thank you

    • Thanks for commenting, Silkred…haven’t heard from you in a while :)

      You are correct, I don’t normally write about Narcissism outside of romantic relationships. Mainly because I try to write what I know, which includes my relationship with my Ex and his sister. In hindsight, I probably met some Narc-types along the way, but I wasn’t aware enough of the situation other than some people were inconsistent and/or backstabbers.

      It shows your strength that you’ve realized the need to go NC with all of the people within the group. It’s true that NC does need to be extended to anyone who displays Narc-like behaviors so as to maintain our own sense of dignity and peace.

      Good for you that you can still keep your favorite sport. It’s a victory considering that the group would probably enjoy seeing you leave. In the end, that makes you the victor…

      • yes there is a strong sense inside me of a sort of stoic intransigence

        what was also surprising was surrendering the all the connected others – his sidekicks – and in particular my old friends who had identified with the loser narcissist and his being the local demigod

        letting them go actually felt really releasing – almost as if the conundrum of wishing to regain those friendships was in itself a weight

        it feels freeing – I am personally disappointed to have become entangled in this latest projected abuse – but its all a learning curve – I feel a lot stronger now than I did before

        that is the real victory

  2. Kim, excellent post. I did everything wrong when I was with my ex N, that is part of why I started my blog, so others could learn from my mistakes. If I would have gone no contact one of the many times I left or he discarded me during the 10 years I rode that roller coaster I would not be afraid every time there is a knock at my door.
    Breaking up and getting back together had become “just the way we were”, people don’t realize how dangerous these people (I use the term people for lack of a better word) are. The victim doesn’t understand they are dealing with a person without a conscience and by allowing any kind of contact is playing Russian roulette with the devil. You don’t want to taunt the devil because you don’t know when he is going to lose it and decide to kill you. Most domestic homicides happen just prior to or just after the breakup. Round and round and around we go when the psycho snaps no one knows.

    • Wow…thanks for the re-blog, Carrie! This is very much an honor as your blog is one of the first I referred to frequently when learning about Narcissism!

      I didn’t know about Narcissism when I was still with my Ex, but looking back, he must have invented the blueprint. He did it all: the devaluing, the silent treatments, followed by the Hoovering.

      He once fled the country and was remarried in less than two months. I was so trauma-bonded and brainwashed, I begged for him to come back.

      He was worse the second time around…

      Like you, I hope my blog helps others make sense of what they’re going through enough to give them the power to leave.

      Again, this means a lot…thank you :D

  3. Just over a week since I left my xN for good. I went back so many times because I wasn’t 100% committed to no contact. What he told me to get me to return are all lies, they very quickly return to the same behaviour. I remember photos of women he’s apparently met that if I didn’t return, I would lose him to (BS), they can just download photos from dating sites. I remember the new car he stood beside, in honestly a pose now that I think back on and makes me laugh. No new car, he just drove it at the dealership. took a photo and sent it to me (BS) They will do anything to make you feel like they are having a great time, are wanted by many women etc etc. The first time I went back, I remember telling him he promised to marry me when I returned, he replied, “I would have said anything to get you to come back.” It took me quite a long time later to realise that he enjoyed duping me. I could imagine him thinking …Yep, got her back again. I do know that no matter what anyone said to me I wasn’t ready at the time , I did hide the fact that I had let him back into my life, due to the shame that I felt and that help was offered only if I did not go back and had no contact. The hold they have over you can override all emotional connections to family and friends and when you start keeping the truth from them, they have further isolated you. I felt so bad about lying to my family but I justified to myself that I was protecting them from him as it was my problem.
    This time, after going back I guarantee you for only a weekend after 3 weeks of being away, he has cost me $5,000 from his vindictiveness, just this time. Thousands over three years. It’s like he was waiting to really get me. He did, quite horrifically physically. I really saw the devil for who he was and even though I’m struggling right now, with each day my heart and mind are feeling greater freedom and peace. The key for me that had him slinking away from me is to get to the point where I hurt him in the right place (his reputation, they thrive on secrecy)I always tried to maintain my ethical standards but for me this was the right way for me to go. No contact from him at all, he could play with my life all he wanted, loved destroying me when I was almost back on my feet. When my heart turned to stone with regards to him and I was prepared to meet him on his own terms, I believe he saw himself staring back at him for a moment, that is what I had come to. He literally ran. My emotions and heart were used against me.(This man physically abused me, caused me to stay in bed for 2 days after hospitalisation, I couldn’t move. He was so cocky he began blaming it on me. No affect from what has happened either! That was it! Complicated and the legal system letting me down, as to why he was allowed to come back to the premises) It was my weakness. My xN was not misunderstood, completely calculating, extremely self serving. For me I had to be very low before I finally realised, the earlier you remove yourself from them for good in every way, the better. I know from my own experience you have to be ready, or perhaps just exhausted with nothing more left to give.
    I really hope I have shown going back is such a wrong choice, you may think you’re situations different and people don’t full understand because they don’t see the love you have together when it’s good.You might think you’re just so passionate about one another sometimes these intense times happen. I did to, until I woke up.
    My heart goes out to everyone that’s still caught in that heartfelt struggle. I know how hard it is to break away.

    Vanessa

    • Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story with us.

      I, too, didn’t take advice from my friends and family. I got to the point where I stopped talking about him because I knew I wouldn’t leave, no matter what anyone said about me, him, or the situation. It does often take us going to the lowest level of almost becoming nothing, which is akin to completely giving up our identity and any emotions or hope we have for the future. Just offering ourselves up to the abuse…

      Then, there is typically one final betrayal from their side that causes a shift inside of us and we decide we’re just not going to take it anymore. I wish I could reach people before it gets to that point because by then, years are wasted, money is gone, children are damaged, and there is usually harassment through the court system.

  4. I do have to make a suggestion that if the Narcissist is extreme in trying to get you break no contact and knowingly uses people that you both regularly contact, there may be instances where you unfortunately have to sever ties from. The situation with my ex is a bit different than what I’ve read about in your blog (I am still unable to really figure out what to call him besides a monster, which, to be honest, is frightfully juvenile even if it IS true). However, there are people he would go to and relentlessly pump for information, so I had to sever contact with a few people I was really close to. I hope no one here has had to go to that extreme, but I needed to protect myself as well as the other people involved. He is very violent, and there is no telling what he would do if agitated enough. Thank you for the post Kim.

    • I agree, that could very well be the case for other people, even though they may not talk about it. Do you mind if I give you credit when I add it to the post? Or, I can just add it and not mention you, but I would love to if you are up for it :)

      • Sure you can mention me… and you can even use my name. People assume it’s Marie because of my wp id but it’s actually Amy. Marie is my middle name :-)

      • Oh wow. This is giving me chills. I established no contact/minimal responding to his email and otherwise manipulative behaviours several weeks ago (I responded below and then read sweetmarie’s comment after) and this has literally been the case for me. He started getting on a casual list to work at 3 places last month – all three of them I have very personal connections to.

  5. This was a hard one for me because I had so many connections in his family AND he owed/owes me/my family money. I have no desire to ever see or hear from him again, but I want to be made whole, money-wise. A dilemma!

    • That is indeed a dilemma, Beth. Luckily, you know enough about him to understand there are no genuine interactions where he is concerned…

      I hope you and your family are able to recoup what he took from you.

  6. Very good information, thanks YET again KIm. My recent focus on no contact (in my situation, I guess it’s more “no response to anything beyond information about our kids”) is REALLY really helping me stay together and focused on my own life and my kids’ lives. I tried for too long to have the dream amicable divorce and coparenting situation that I believed he would have wanted for our children, to my personal detriment financially, emotionally, and physically. Took a few years to see the light. No contact. No contact. No contact. And that includes ignoring the concerns I’ve often had in the past of what people may think of me or how they might “judge” me. I remind myself now that they simply don’t know what I and my kids have and are going through. And you’re right, having one line of communication only and sticking to it has been very helpful so far…we use an online communication system (one of the few things my lawyer was able to establish, although he’s tried hard to get on and off this system too), and strictly business like/short to the point emails on my end. Congratulations on your book…will be looking for it.

    • That’s awesome! I am glad to know that No Contact is working out for you. It truly IS the only way to move on and recover, regardless of what people may think of your approach. Like you said, they don’t know what you know.

      Thanks for the Congrats :)

  7. Although the article is in reference to Narcissistic abuse in terms of an intimate relationship, I think it is very necessary and insightful for other Narcissistic relationships. My abusers were my mother and sister. Although I haven’t applied NC with my mother because of my dad and intellectually disabled brother who live with her, I have found NC with my sister to be absolutely beneficial.

    I implemented NC with my sister in 2010 after a few failed attempts at doing so. She was one to always use her children as weapons. When I moved out of her home and into a motel (spending pretty much all I was earning on accommodation) she called me telling me that my brother-in-law had not “allowed her to do the grocery shopping so the kids were going hungry” but told me not to ask my brother-in-law as she didn’t want him to get angry that she had told me. I didn’t take any time to process the incredulity of that lie (my brother-in-law would do anything for his kids – well, I used to think so anyway… now I’m not entirely sure if he uses the kids as weapons too). All I heard was that my niece and nephew were going hungry. I immediately told her to pick me up so that I could do the grocery shopping for them – even when I was barely surviving on what was left of my wages (further financial abuse – which I didn’t recognise as such). She then asked me to move back a few days later and I did. Soon, everything went to hell in a hand basket again.

    I finally left New Zealand in 2010. I maintain contact with my niece and nephew via Facebook. I guess she could still see what I’m up to, but I don’t give a damn anymore. Last October, she tried contacting me on FB saying that she missed our friendship and having me as a sister. All I thought of (and my husband concurred) is that she obviously found another use for me. I didn’t take the bait. She sent my husband a friend request. He’s his own person, and he accepted her request after asking me if that was ok. She sent him a private message stating that her kids wanted to spend some time with our kids and she wanted to visit us in Australia. She’d already used that lie to get us to New Zealand from Australia in the first place. There was no way I was going to allow her to sully my turf where I feel safe and protected most of the time (because of the PTSD, I still perceive threats where there are none and therefore still feel terrified). I had to harden my heart against the longings of wanting to see my niece and nephew, but I had to be strong for the ones who love me – my husband, kids and the wonderful family I inherited when I married my husband.

    Thank you so much for the post. Truly insightful and inspiring.

  8. To Everyone- NEVER go back-I am two days out of an 8.5 year relationship with a nar/socio-the worse time of my life. I had come out of a marriage that had really weakened my self esteem when I met him in an online dating site. I was not eager to start dating again but he was so charming-words like “I don’t see why you haven’t been snatched up already, you are such a good catch, so beautiful”-we share the same profession. Finally after much talking we met and it was a whirlwind after that-which should have sent up all the red flags but I was already wounded and my heart said “finally, a strong, passionate man who will love me”-wrong!- after five dates and pushing hard for sex, -the first meeting in a public place resulted in pulling me close in, passionate kissing on the side walk-etc-we moved it along- that’s when the games started. We met in October, November was okay-but not great as he didn’t have time to see me for three weeks-he had his daughter every other weekend and “something came up”-then he made some time for me and we got together and he says “it feels really good when you are here, I am just afraid of messing up again”-music to the ears-until two days later when I get the call he “just wants to be friends”-I of course tell him where to get off-and then eight days later his grandmother dies and he “needs to see me”- compassion 101 kicks in and off I go- and he makes a comment it took me three years to find out what he meant- he says ” oh, I just can’t make up my mind”-and I am thinking he is coming around to realizing we should be together-he even comes down to my house and says things like “I am thinking really seriously of never letting anyone else touch me again but you”-sounds great-without boring anyone longer- his so called ex girlfriend was at his side at the funeral-and she happened to be my boss-she had been seeing him for five months-they broke up-he started seeing me-that “just friends” phone call was how he explained to her he loved her but couldn’t tell her so because of me-I was a detail “he had to take care of first”-we found this out at my three year mark with him because he slipped up and mentioned her name not realizing we work together and when we compared notes, he was trying to get her to go back out with him and we realized we were both at his house on the same day and both received the same flowers on Valentine’s etc- his explanation to me was ” I was seeing her and my first ex wife and I couldn’t make up my mind so I decided not to see anybody”- which is where he bashed into my life- notice there wasn’t any room for me in this equation-I assume I was an afterthought- he has two ex wives, 3 ex live in’s, several ex fiances- all of whom were supposedly bad to him-they all had the good sense to leave-good for them!- Over time, it was always dumping me or doing something really hateful to me-like dumping me thirty minutes before he is supposed to be at my house on my birthday and every Christmas he is hateful to me-there have been multiple other women. Each time, I have said some of the most awful things, thrown him out of my house etc-he waits until I am no longer mad and then it is a subtle contact-and he will need “my help” with something. This last and final breakup is because he is dating someone again that I work with-and she has no idea about me-but I know all about her-and when I confronted him about it- he says “my dating should have no effect on our friendship”-over time there has been the little comments to let you know you don’t measure up-my favorite was when we pulled up to the local shop and he says “well, at least when my friends see you they will say this one has some age to her as they are used to seeing me with young, pretty girls”- or “that’s Matt-he’s the guy that thinks you are beautiful”- said with a bit of a sneer so you know he doesn’t agree with that assessment. Mind you I am eight years younger than he is, with black hair to my waist!- The current one is 19 years younger than he is. There have been the trips I didn’t get invited on- the weekends he has disappeared and than reappeared on a Monday morning claiming he just drove to the coast by himself and “of course I told you before I left”(but didn’t answer his phone)- lipstick in the truck, lingerie tags in the bathroom-(to which he replied ” I don’t have anything to hide”)-the longer I have stayed and the more I have taken him back because he needed something, the worse the treatment has been-and yet, in his mind he is “so good to me” one big trick was to shut his phone off entirely when he is with another woman-so when he was at her house Wednesday, he left it in the truck so it would just keep ringing but wouldn’t sound shut off-unfortunately, I know him so well, all I have to do is walk into his house and I know when someone else has been there-finding her “love” card to him on the fridge sent me out the door two weeks ago(the ass asked me to get him a gatorade from the fridge and forgot to take it down-getting older he is making more mistakes like this-he used to be much more sharp and careful-and then he needed something-but he was at my house on Monday and her house on Wednesday and Thursday I told him where to go and what to do when he gets there-and he is furious with me for “minding about her”-I am sorry this is so long- I have just been reading blogs and stories and sending prayers to all of you and for myself- may I never go back to hell on earth!

    • Rachel, thank you for sharing your experience. Only through creating awareness can we hope to defend ourselves as a society against the toxic effects of these disordered people.

      The best thing you can do for yourself is go No Contact and try to forget you ever met this guy. He will not change, and you deserve to be happy, which will never happen as long as he’s in your life. Just make the choice, and stick to it. It takes about 4-8 weeks of No Contact for us to start seeing the benefits, but if you can get through the first two months, you will greatly lessen your chances of letting him back in, and heighten your chances of finding true happiness…Best wishes and let me know if you need guidance or a free consultation for No Contact coaching.

  9. Can someone help? I broke up with a guy I had a fling with last year. At first he was lovely and full of complements we met on a course and continued the friendship on Facebook in may 2013. By Xmas 2013 we were meeting every week and he said he loved me. I didn’t love him but I liked him. He seemed fun and kind. Once January came he got colder with me, and I found out on Facebook he was in a new relationship with his female “best friend”. I was upset but I didn’t bear him any bad feelings I told him good luck and went no contact. Fast forward to now..he’s contacting me again After months of nc. Tells me he and she are no longer together. We met, and I told him straight that friends is all we can be. He seemed to understand but since then he’s been texting asking me for raunchy pics. I did send him them when we dated but I feel ashamed of what I did and don’t want to anymore. Ive changed and found faith and I don’t want to be cheapening myself. He told me the last time we met that I’d “changed and now I look older” it’s only been a few months…what do I do? I don’t want to hurt him but this cannot continue. Help!!

    • They really are pathetic…almost every one of them pulls the “You look older” card.

      Frida, it may feel uncomfortable to you, but don’t worry about “hurting” him. He seems to have some Narcissistic traits, and if that’s the case, he can’t be hurt, anyway. The only thing that will happen is that he’ll be forced to find new supply. Besides, he didn’t seem to mind hurting you when he suddenly started a relationship with the girl he claimed was his “best friend”.

      You are way above this guy’s league. The best thing you can do for yourself and your immediate future is just block his number. That’s the secret to getting this guy out of your life. Otherwise, if you give him an inch, he’ll take a mile, plus a huge chunk out of your life, self-esteem, and general happiness…

  10. My narcissist / psychopath spent three years trying to convince me that I was fat, ugly, paranoid, unreliable, talentless, and controlling. It took me a long time to realize that I was not fat, but she was. That I was not ugly, but she was. That I was not paranoid, but she was. That I was not unreliable, but she was. That I was not talentless, but she was. That I was not controlling, but she was.

    She was fat. She was a cockeyed, flat chested, big nosed ugly. She was always paranoid that I was cheating or something. She rarely committed to anything, and never did anything she did commit to. She had no talents, no skills, no experience, no hobbies, and no life outside of me. And she could not stand that I did not share these faults, so she took every opportunity to bump me down a few notches, keep tabs on me at all times, control my relationships, even control what I was allowed to eat…!

    One day, I told her I was done providing anything but the bare necessities for her and her family, including her kids and her disabled father. When she tried to guilt me, I told her to turn her words on herself and do something for herself and her family other than yelling at them and making them feel like a burden. After I refused to budge on this in two weeks, even after she threatened to “be a cunt all week unless” I caved in, she left me.

    After a brief two week period of extreme shock and weakness, in which I tried to take it all back, met only with deliberate and callous punishment for daring to defy her, I realized just how much better my life was without her. It was blissful by comparison, in fact, and within a month, I was totally over her, asked her to leave me alone, blocked her on facebook, made my profiles private, stopped answering her calls, changed all the locks, changed all my passwords, took her off of all my accounts, etc.

    It took her one month after that to start texting me with profuse apologies, trying to incite me to pity her, forgive her, etc, between begging me for access to Netflix, for money, to cosign things for her. So I told her I forgave her, but that there was no more room in my life for her, that her needs and problems were now her needs and problems alone, and I asked her again to stop contacting me. That was a month or two ago, and I have not acknowledged her existence ever since. I also asked all mutual friends NOT to relay anything about my life to her, not to indulge her in conversation about me, etc. Note that everyone who knew her had warned me beforehand that she was crazy, hostile, a liar, etc, but my arrogant ass thought I would be the one to change it.

    Anyway, she is still at it. I think I will take your advice and automate the rejection process so I never even have to know she tried to contact me. That will make this so much easier. I am so done wasting my energy even thinking about her.

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