If you’ve found yourself in the unfortunate company of a Narcissist, you’ve undoubtedly discovered their innate ability to lie without blinking an eye. Narcissists lie for a variety of reasons, but the main reason (while immature) is simple. If he or she lies and gets away with it, they interpret this as their being clever and superior to others. In short, it’s a means to demonstrate how brainless others are. A sincere and honest person is viewed by the Narcissist as a weak chump who deserves to be manipulated.
Wondering if your significant other could be a Narcissist? Read the following list of their favorite lies to determine if your partner fits the mould.
“I can’t imagine my life without you.” (or, “I’ve grown so attached to you”, “You’re in my blood”) – Sadly, victims of Narcissistic abuse believe their partner really cares about them when hearing this. The truth is, when the Narcissist says this, it doesn’t mean they love you (they don’t know that emotion). It only means you’ve been a pawn in their deceptive lies and it will take them too much time and effort to find a suitable replacement. The other candidates caught on to the game and left the Narcissist high and dry. If you meant so much to them, then why the adulterous affairs…the manipulation? Pay attention to actions, not words.
Did you just see them take your money off of the dresser and put it in their wallet? “Didn’t happen”. When confronted, they have a convenient response, “I was just checking for my _______ (receipt, card, license, fill in the blank). I didn’t see your money. You must have put it somewhere else”. This is not only a lie constructed to keep your money; it’s also a form of gaslighting, an abuse tactic they employ to keep their victims unsure of themselves. Rest assured they are likely telling your friends and acquaintances that you’re losing your mind, perhaps bringing up the event during a social gathering. They never miss a chance to lay the groundwork.
“Everyone kept telling me about you, but I didn’t want to believe them”. – This lie has several purposes. First, to make you believe the Narc is the only one on your side (so you’ll blindly put your faith in them). Secondly, to make you lose faith in yourself as a human being. Third, so you will systematically withdraw from your friends and acquaintances so that the only person in your life (and thus, your only influence) will be the Narcissist.
“You’re the only person who misunderstands me” – This is a sub-tactic of the gaslighting technique. It is usually combined with, “I didn’t say that”, “You misunderstood me”, “You’re too sensitive”, “I didn’t mean it like that”…when, in fact, they very well meant it like that. The Narcissist does this in order to control your emotions and behavior. Over time, he plants seeds of doubt in your mind about the validity of your own feelings and perceptions. Eventually, most victims stop trusting their own judgment and begin to accept whatever the Narcissist says as the truth, which leads you (the victim) to become confused and compliant.
“You are choosing to feel badly about what I did/said”. – They’ve just told you that they didn’t buy that house or that car you looked at together because you’re not a good or decent person. When you naturally feel saddened and hurt by their comment, it’s suddenly your fault, not theirs. This allows the Narcissist to take no responsibility for their hurtful comments and simultaneously put the blame back on you. By the way, you’re not “choosing” to feel hurt; it is a natural response to cruelty.
The Unnecessary Lie – This lie is in a category all its own. Often, Narcissists lie for no reason. When you find your partner doing this, even when you can disprove it, it’s because their lying has become pathological. They simply don’t know how to tell the truth about anything anymore.
If you find your partner taking part in these disdainful behaviors, you should consider leaving the relationship. There is absolutely no incentive for him or her to change. Life is nothing but a game to them, and all the people they encounter are pawns. This includes their parents, friends, and even their own children.
I can tell you from my own experience, and that of the many clients I’ve worked with, that staying with a Narcissist will only destroy you. They not only destroy your ability to function normally; the chronic, long-term abuse leads to physical diseases such as adrenal fatigue. Do yourself a favor, turn your love and caring onto yourself and start planning your exit strategy.