I Dreamt of Evil

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Oct 23

Last night, I dreamt of demons and evil spirits.  They were after me and the people who were in my house, friends and family members.  We tried making sure all the doors were locked and secured.  I vividly remember seeing chairs propped up under door handles.  The sky outside was dark and overcast, pregnant with a wicked storm that would bring Hell down upon us at any moment.

At one point, I discovered one of the doors had a broken lock.   I tried checking it from the outside, and was suddenly sucked into the air…and there I was, suspended, unable to move…just floating helplessly.  The only thought I had was that it was the work of an evil spirit.

Somehow, I was able to snap out of it, and I went back inside.  It was still very dark; strangely all the lights were off in the house.  There was only the light of a laptop computer, which belonged to a friend of mine.  She was in her email, checking, checking, checking…there were probably a hundred emails sent from my Ex…(who you all know is a malignant Narcissist).  We quickly realized we were under surveillance from every possible venue.

I looked out of a window and my Ex and his sister were there…with innocent, friendly smiles meant to fool me into thinking they meant no harm, but I knew they did.  Behind the smiles, I could see their evil intent…

I wish I could say this is a work of fiction, but it’s not.  This is a real dream that I had before waking up this morning.  My humble analysis of the dream is this:

Narcissists, especially the malignant kind, do in fact have malicious intent when you’ve become their enemy.  They will stop at nothing to make your life miserable, even targeting your close friends and family members in their game.  I speak from experience.

I believe the looming, evil, wicked storm represents their foul ever-presence.  They’re always there (even though you can’t see them) behind the scenes, plotting their next vile act in their game of revenge.  Nothing is beyond them.  Even when time has passed and you’ve moved on with your life, they are still in the thick of it as though their imagined slights are fresh.  Their goal of making you pay will be just as nasty years down the road as when their game first began.

The floating, helpless suspension represents (I think) a victim’s feeling of being powerless to stop the Narc.  However, I am encouraged by the fact I was able to break free from the evil spell.

The surveillance is a true event.  In the past, my Ex and his sister remotely planted spy-ware on my cell phone…I re-set my phone and changed my number, but I have reason to believe they may have done it again.  I suspect my laptop could be infected with spyware, as well.  You see, they know a PI and my ex SIL has no qualms about asking him for favors.  Not to mention the stalking and harassment on behalf of my Ex…I recently had a dream in which everywhere I looked, I saw his car hidden behind bushes.  It’s not just paranoia; I have years’ worth of having endured stalking under my belt.  Also, my Ex drops little hints in conversation revealing that he knows about things that he should not be aware of…usually with a malevolent grin on his face.

And the innocent smiles they affix to their faces?  It’s all part of their act; to fool people into thinking they are as innocent as lambs, and many fall for it.  But not this woman.  I see behind the smiles into their souls, which are blacker than the deepest midnight.

Copyright 2017 Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach

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(13) comments

Vicki February 28, 2014

I AM LIVING THE NIGHTMARE. HE HAS TAKEN EVERYTHING AND HAS ENJOYED WATCHING ME FALL APART. HE DOESN’T EVEN CARE THAT OUR 12 YEAR OLD SON HAS WATCHED THE HORROR AND SUFFERED TOO. MY PRINCE CHARMING WAS A FANTASY, THE MAN I MARRIED WAS A MONSTER IN DISGUISE.

Reply
    Kim Saeed February 28, 2014

    Vicki,

    I’m sorry that you and your son are going through this. Have you developed an exit plan?

    Reply
      Vicki February 28, 2014

      Hi Kim,
      Your response was a surprise, thank you. I have a plan, but can barely think, walk, or sleep. I have been frozen with fear for so long. We had a financial settlement come through over a year ago. We were separated, have been for a year and a half. Before he could take it and do what he does, hide it, spend it, etc., I took enough cash and paid in full for a contested divorce. After hearing my story my attorney assured it would be a contested divorce, and I agreed. Two times I have come close to having him served with papers, but couldn’t go through with the process. I held out hope that he would change, or at least get sober, just to save our marriage. I am too damaged to move, much less think and act and go through with the divorce.We have been a couple for almost twenty years. We married fourteen years ago and immediately went through invitro fertilization and had our son. I was 45 when he was born and he is my only child. The day he was born my husband walked out of my hospital room and a hateful stranger returned. Everything had changed. He said I was crazy. Our son became his significant other and I was discarded, not in public of course, but I knew. He didn’t want to spend time with me, or even talk. His indifference escalated and my panic and pain grew into full blown anxiety and depression. My mantra for nine years of hell was “at least he’s been faithful.” I’m sure you can guess the rest. Our entire marriage (except for the first year and a half) he had cheated. Affairs, one night stands, dating websites, I’ll never know how many, but I found romantic texts. My world ended. I was crushed that I had tolerated so much hateful and demeaning treatment and he hadn’t been faithful, just the opposite. I felt so stupid. I had asked him so many times if he was seeing someone, or had he ever been unfaithful. He lied of course, and always got enraged that I would even dare to ask. He would even follow up with something cruel. On one occasion he said, “no, but I’d like to get a girlfriend, a hooker or a massage (with a happy ending was implied, of course). So clever, so cruel. After I found out the truth his rage increased because my tears and suspicions bothered him. The verbal and physical abuse increased because I wouldn’t just shut up, “let it go.” That, of course, is what he wanted. His life wasn’t as much fun because I no longer trusted him. Poor man, the wife caught on and he had to stop the fun, or at least work harder at hiding the fun. He didn’t like that.
      Wow, you asked one simple question. I am so angry and frustrated with the injustice, the cruel treatment, the horrible things he said to his family to turn them against me, and boy did they turn. My sister calls them vipers, I call them a “nest of narcissists.” They have run a “smear campaign” against me. He and his mother are both “covert” narcissists, so the whole world thinks they are wonderful, so it must be me. My son and I know the truth.
      Another issue is he has kept us poor. My son and I have been on food stamps while he had plenty of money for wine, women and song. I will never recover financially, and I am so sick physically and emotionally that I can’t work, socialize, or do even the simplest of tasks.
      Sorry, once again, I digress. The only thing I feel anymore is pain, anger, fear, every bad emotion. That is who I am now. My health has suffered and I have become isolated from, well, the whole world.
      Sorry to go on. I’ll end by saying thank you for your time and the information you share with others. You have done a beautiful job and I am sure you will be a help and comfort to many others like me.

      Reply
        Kim Saeed March 1, 2014

        Vicki,

        Please contact your local Domestic Abuse center. Tell them what you’ve told me. They will help you with many things including transitional housing, counseling, and give you a court advocate who can help you plan for any court hearings.

        If you do only one thing, please call them. Then, when you are able to move out, ask the DV center if you can get a police officer to accompany you while you get your things.

        A lot of your story sounds like mine…you can do this. Get yourself and your son to safety, and then we’ll talk about recovery. As long as you’re still with this guy, you will not be able to heal.

        Kim

        Reply
bethbyrnes October 23, 2013

Wow, you are having a real live halloween. I can relate to this!

Reply
    Kim Saeed October 23, 2013

    That was my thought after writing the post…at least it’s in the spirit of Halloween 🙂

    But, on the other hand, I’m sorry that you can relate.

    Reply
Alma October 23, 2013

So sorry to hear about this nightmare Kim. Please don’t forget that God takes care of His children and He will always take care of you. Don’t ever forget how wonderful and brilliant you are and just how much you have accomplished. Focus on everything positive and stay determined to be the very best you can be. 🙂

Reply
    Kim Saeed October 23, 2013

    Thank you, my friend 🙂 Actually, He has been my strength and I depend on Him to get me through this…

    And thank for the compliments, Diva 🙂 I am definitely staying focused and won’t let them take that away <3.

    Reply
heila2013 October 23, 2013

That sounds nasty. I hope you’re ok. Heila

Reply
    Kim Saeed October 23, 2013

    Yes, I’m okay…thanks so much!

    I suppose the dream happened because of the desire to be free…I’m not afraid of them, just tired of their presence, I guess 🙂

    Reply
      heila2013 October 23, 2013

      Yes, some things in life a just a big pain in the A..! 😉

      Reply
Kev October 23, 2013

Sounds like your subconscious is trying to deal with your feelings of losing control and giving in to fear. A very interesting dream indeed, however unpleasant.

Reply
    Kim Saeed October 23, 2013

    Thanks for your input..yes, the losing control part is the scariest part to me. I wasn’t really frightened by it, I think because I’ve dealt with it for so long… I think it also illustrates my overall opinion of Narcissists in general, and their unrelenting need to destroy.

    Reply
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