Narcissist Telling Lies About Me

By Kim Saeed | Narcissism

Oct 24
narcissistic lies

“Narcissistic Lies” is one of the top search terms on Google regarding narcissists.  

If you’ve discovered the Narcissist in your life has been telling lies about you, you can bet money they’ve smeared your character to anyone with two ears.  In the dictionary of narc-manipulations, it’s called a “smear campaign”.  

This is the time when you need to surround yourself with an imaginary white bubble to ward off any negative energy that could find its way to you during this difficult time. I’ve been through this, and it’s no fun.

You’ll also want to cut off all contact with any friends or acquaintances you made through the Narcissist in your life unless you really trust them, and even then, I would lean towards being safe rather than sorry.  

Narcissists Tell Convincing Lies

According to Linda Martinez Lewi Ph D:

Narcissists are masterful liars. They are brazen and glib with their lies. Clever narcissists get away with their mendacity because it is second nature to them. They cut their teeth on learning how to lie by omission or commission. When most of us lie, we squirm. The narcissist luxuriates in the lies that he uses to defeat his personal and professional opponents. Since he or she does not have a developed conscience, a lie here and there is an advantage to reaching his goal faster than anyone else.

 

Narcissistic lying becomes very ugly during the divorce process. The narcissist often spreads rumors about his former partner that are outrageous, damaging and completely untrue. Because his powers of persuasion are so highly developed many narcissists convince others that their spouse is to blame for all the chaos caused by the divorce. I have had non narcissistic spouses tell me that their narcissistic partner told large numbers of their acquaintances and family members that his husband or wife was mentally unstable, alcoholic, a drug addict, an irresponsible parent who was incapable of taking care of their children, promiscuous—the cruel litany of accusations and fabrications is endless. The narcissist is very believable to most people. He or she knows just what words to use, the right approach to take and the masterfully persuasive manner that will win others to his/her side.

 

To prevail psychologically and emotionally when a narcissist is off on one of his missions to tear you down, flex your muscles, recognize your strength and integrity to defeat this coward, turn to a small group of close friends worthy of your trust and discuss this matter with your therapist and the attorney who is representing you. It is vital that you be legally represented by an attorney who is highly experienced and sophisticated in dealing with these highly manipulative and exploitive individuals in the thickets of domestic issues. Draw on all of your strengths. You will be surprised at the resources you have access to deep inside that have remained dormant. Bring them out of the shadows, dust them off, shine them up and look forward to victory. 

If you’ve found yourself at the receiving end of the narcissist’s smear campaign, download your free Beginner’s Healing Toolkit below so you can build up your reserves and stand strong in the face of their lies!

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(27) comments

jake September 29, 2017

I have been dealing with a megalomaniac wife with NPD for nearly three years, and the endless selfishness, lying about me and others, mean-spirited words towards anybody who disagrees with her, etc., is sometimes overwhelming. The hardest part might just be when she is able to portray herself to others as a victim – she is clearly the predator. I still pray for God to help us.

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Anonymous August 17, 2017

I knew what he was when I married him – we weren’t kids. I am 68. Kept finances separate ( he hated that) but I was not prepared for the immense damage he was capable of dishing out. I could understand cheating – he was an attention whore. Not that it made it right – but I didn’t take it personal and hoped he would stop. ( Dumb assumption). The worst was the LIES. A huge lie is what finally ended this 11 yr nightmare. Had finally filed for divorce but he convinced me to drop it. I got sucked into a hoover. 3 days later I found out he’d been cheating for the past year – lying to her – lying to me — and what made me refile? He told his brother ( who lived with us) that I asked HIM to come back to ME?? No. He contacted me the night before the first hearing. Said he loved me – and kept asking if I really wanted to go thru with it? ALL MANIPULATIONS. I refiled immediately. Have not heard from him since. And NOW someone else can be his dumping ground – his doormat. Love, patience, and understanding does NOT make a difference. THEY DO NOT CARE and are laughing at us for being fools. It is astounding how convincing they are – making you believe the worst lie possible. That they love you? No.. they do not.

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somanytears October 12, 2015

My NH even told the harem member, he was having an affair with, that he was a good liar and wouldn’t get caught. He almost got caught, 3 months before he actually did. That’s when he started the smear campaing. I had no idea at the time. By the time he was caught, he had all his ducks in a row and no one believed he was cheating…even with hard core proof. The ones that did think “something” was going on felt like it was justified because of the lies he told about me. It’s the most horrible mind f$ck in the world.

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Anonymous May 19, 2015

Narcissists can be both male and female, my experience is with the latter and the reason I’ve come across your site., The use of “He and His” in this article is upsetting and should be edited. Showing bias in an article that seems to be intended to help is negating any possible effect.

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    Kim Saeed May 19, 2015

    You’re right, Narcissists can be both male and female. Perhaps you’ve just discovered my site today. If that’s the case, a brief review will reveal that I write for both male and female readers, and there is no gender-bias here. Sometimes I use specific pronouns, sometimes gender-neutral wording.

    Reply
anonymous May 7, 2015

I know about the lies and smear campaigns. The 3rd party involvement having family think you’re nuts and seeing their opinion of you chg over time to the point you no longer speak with them or the people you knew. Treating you like you’re the one that can’t be trusted. I was fortunate to have a tip off from someone that explained what I thought was happening around me. I’ve had family that have believed his lies and if only they knew they’ve all been duped to secretly fulfil his own inadequacies and fear of exposure. Spread lies to friends and share things I’d shared along with many many lies all in aid of isolating me. I can’t believe my family believed him. It’s amazing the lengths these parasites will go to to stop you from having support and isolating you. I also realized there are nice people out there.

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    Anonymous July 31, 2015

    I fully get what you are saying, and I deeply understand your plight. It is painful and confusing how powerful they are in convincing those in your family who should know better. The person in my life has and continues to lie about me in order to destroy my reputation. I am a threat to them and the lying is a way to maintain full control and place themselves in a favorable light. Putting as much distance between us is the best choice to allow healthy, functional relationships to develop with solid, honest people and to move on. It’s been a real eye-opener for me. From hereon, I need to remind myself to trust my gut and not ignore the signs along the way.

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silamg15 December 24, 2014

I am so glad to see that I am not crazy and I can see how he has been trying to make me believe I was crazy to make me feel desperate and dependent on him. He would tell me all these lies and accusations about things and behaviors that he was witnessing me do when I know he was losing. But he made me second guess myself to the point of me being suicidal because he is paranoid and insecure and accusing me of being addicted to porn and leaving at night to underground sex rings and how it happens every night-mind you that a loving husband would wake you and stop you and not let it go on right! His lies are just vulgar and outrageous and I thought it was weird and felt so damaged and tortured mentally and he would tell me “but I still love you” with desperation. He did this years ago also only to admit he had been lieing because he was angry about his own shortcomings and now he is doing the same and acting desperate when I attempt to leave him. I have gone NO Contact thanks to your website and information and see him for what he is. I
It is unbelievable how someone could be so cruel as to inflict such psychological and mental anguish.

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    Hemlock June 6, 2015

    I am going through this now . He has exploited my ADHD and PTSD , not to mention my trust . Has anyone sued 4 libel ? He posted outrageous lies on Social networks and in emailf
    s to people . Hs slanders me every where He goes but that’s hard to prove . I have the posts and because I moved here to be with him and he said he would support me while I write I have no support l he does pay the bills for now but I know him calling me a psycho borderline hurt me professionally and socially . I think my case is strong he is an attorney and he set me up , lied about the law and I have a timeline and plenty of proof but no $$$ IF YOU WERE IN DEFAMATION CASE W EX TELL ME WHAT YOU LEARNED THA.NKS

    Reply
      Kim Saeed June 6, 2015

      My friend and colleague, Diana Iannarone, may be able to help. She helps people prepare for court against high-conflict people. It would definitely be worth scheduling a consultation with her to see if you have enough evidence to file a suit: Contact her for a free consultation: Diana@redthornsolutions.com
      http://www.redthornsolutions.com

      Reply
Pete June 7, 2014

Ok. Here’s my question that nobody seems to be able to answer. How do you get others to see the real motives of the narcissist? How do you neutralise the toxic shame that engulfs entire communities? Why don’t people know more about narcissism to see it for what they are, rather than venerated all knowing “truth tellers”. How on earth can their sickness persist in this day and age?

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Maryanne May 9, 2014

Help! How do I find a lawyer who is familiar with this problem?

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    Kim Saeed May 10, 2014

    Maryanne,

    Sadly, it’s very hard to find a lawyer who is familiar with NPD. Even many therapists are under-experienced in that area.

    Regarding libel or slander…you’d have to prove it was done with intent to harm your character. Meaning, you’d have to show that they knew what they were saying was not true, but went ahead with a smear campaign, anyway…with lots of documentation to back up how it affected your life.

    It’s hard, but you just have to learn to live in spite of their lies, and don’t involve yourself with their petty games because it helps them make you look unstable, even though we know it’s them.

    Reply

[…] they receive from duping people.  Of course, they also do this because, if they can perceive other people as stupid, then that makes them really smart (by standards of the Narcissist, of […]

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Fellow Survivor November 20, 2013

Lies, Lies, Lies. The lie is what ultimately drove me to reject the N Ex Wife and almost completely push her out of my emotional landscape. I think they call that withdrawal. One site called it a separation under one roof. But fundamentally the biggest lies always were about the same thing. Where are you going to be? Who will you be with? And what will you be doing?

Kim, very well written posts and informative.

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    Kim Saeed November 20, 2013

    Wow…thank you so much! There’s no better education than experience, which is where I derive most of my content from.

    I agree on the lies…I finally got to a point where my Ex’s lies were so obvious and ridiculous, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud…

    Reply
    Kim Saeed November 20, 2013

    By the way, it seems your Ex was projecting…why so suspicious? In my case it was because he was always up to no good, so he tried to project those subconscious faux pas onto me.

    Reply
Will Hayes November 1, 2013

It seems like no lie is too ridiculous. As a matter of fact, it looks as if the ridiculousness of the lie is directly proportionate to the pleasure the narc gets from it.

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    Kim Saeed November 1, 2013

    You are so right…the more outlandish the lie, the more smugness they experience. I remember looking at my Ex sometimes and wondering if one of his brain vessels had burst..because no sane person could sit and tell the whoppers he told.

    Reply
Susan Lattwein October 26, 2013

Linda is right about needing to cut ties with those influenced by a narcissist’s clever and convincing lies. It can be hard enough letting go of lies about yourself to yourself!
Thanks for this post.

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    Kim Saeed October 26, 2013

    Thank you, Susan, and you are so right about the lies we tell ourselves. Good to see you here 🙂

    Reply
      Susan Lattwein October 26, 2013

      Happy to find you! I wasn’t very clear. I meant the inner struggle against lies a narcissist will so confidently say about you. Can do your head in! Cheers.

      Reply
        Kim Saeed October 26, 2013

        I agree…their brainwashing makes you begin to believe the lies they say about and to you: gaslighting, using small mistakes you’ve made to drive their point, acting as if people they know agree you are “less than”. Believe, me, I’ve experienced the whole package 🙂 And that’s all the lies a victim is aware of…what about the ones that never come to light? It’s enough to make one paranoid.

        Reply
          Susan Lattwein October 26, 2013

          I default to paranoid! Great to come across your blog, Kim.

          Reply
          Kim Saeed October 26, 2013

          😀

          Reply
Kev October 24, 2013

Good pic

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    Kim Saeed October 24, 2013

    🙂

    Reply
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