Narcissist Telling Lies About Me

thanks Kim, for keeping this gender neutral – I found that most websites, it is always assumed that the male is the Narcissist.

In my case my reputation has been affected by the things that you mention in this post. The smear campaign has been horrific. And here is the irony – the smear campaign has been based on the notion that I was the one who was an evil manipulative narcissist.

I have been shunned by friends, family (mostly hers but still upsetting). Even the ones that don’t directly shun tend to stay away for fear of getting caught in the middle. And I am no teenager (older than 40) .

For myself I have tried to avoid using the concept of Narcissist – but the whole smear campaign has been perfectly played – with lots of tears from the ‘victim’ – I dont know what to think . Losing someone was bad enough, but to have this on top has been horrific

[…] while they were smiling in your face and pretending to be Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire, they were assassinating your character to everyone within a 50–mile radius.  It’s enough to cause a rash of spontaneous peptic […]

I have been dealing with a megalomaniac wife with NPD for nearly three years, and the endless selfishness, lying about me and others, mean-spirited words towards anybody who disagrees with her, etc., is sometimes overwhelming. The hardest part might just be when she is able to portray herself to others as a victim – she is clearly the predator. I still pray for God to help us.

I knew what he was when I married him – we weren’t kids. I am 68. Kept finances separate ( he hated that) but I was not prepared for the immense damage he was capable of dishing out. I could understand cheating – he was an attention whore. Not that it made it right – but I didn’t take it personal and hoped he would stop. ( Dumb assumption). The worst was the LIES. A huge lie is what finally ended this 11 yr nightmare. Had finally filed for divorce but he convinced me to drop it. I got sucked into a hoover. 3 days later I found out he’d been cheating for the past year – lying to her – lying to me — and what made me refile? He told his brother ( who lived with us) that I asked HIM to come back to ME?? No. He contacted me the night before the first hearing. Said he loved me – and kept asking if I really wanted to go thru with it? ALL MANIPULATIONS. I refiled immediately. Have not heard from him since. And NOW someone else can be his dumping ground – his doormat. Love, patience, and understanding does NOT make a difference. THEY DO NOT CARE and are laughing at us for being fools. It is astounding how convincing they are – making you believe the worst lie possible. That they love you? No.. they do not.

My NH even told the harem member, he was having an affair with, that he was a good liar and wouldn’t get caught. He almost got caught, 3 months before he actually did. That’s when he started the smear campaing. I had no idea at the time. By the time he was caught, he had all his ducks in a row and no one believed he was cheating…even with hard core proof. The ones that did think “something” was going on felt like it was justified because of the lies he told about me. It’s the most horrible mind f$ck in the world.

Narcissists can be both male and female, my experience is with the latter and the reason I’ve come across your site., The use of “He and His” in this article is upsetting and should be edited. Showing bias in an article that seems to be intended to help is negating any possible effect.

I know about the lies and smear campaigns. The 3rd party involvement having family think you’re nuts and seeing their opinion of you chg over time to the point you no longer speak with them or the people you knew. Treating you like you’re the one that can’t be trusted. I was fortunate to have a tip off from someone that explained what I thought was happening around me. I’ve had family that have believed his lies and if only they knew they’ve all been duped to secretly fulfil his own inadequacies and fear of exposure. Spread lies to friends and share things I’d shared along with many many lies all in aid of isolating me. I can’t believe my family believed him. It’s amazing the lengths these parasites will go to to stop you from having support and isolating you. I also realized there are nice people out there.

I am so glad to see that I am not crazy and I can see how he has been trying to make me believe I was crazy to make me feel desperate and dependent on him. He would tell me all these lies and accusations about things and behaviors that he was witnessing me do when I know he was losing. But he made me second guess myself to the point of me being suicidal because he is paranoid and insecure and accusing me of being addicted to porn and leaving at night to underground sex rings and how it happens every night-mind you that a loving husband would wake you and stop you and not let it go on right! His lies are just vulgar and outrageous and I thought it was weird and felt so damaged and tortured mentally and he would tell me “but I still love you” with desperation. He did this years ago also only to admit he had been lieing because he was angry about his own shortcomings and now he is doing the same and acting desperate when I attempt to leave him. I have gone NO Contact thanks to your website and information and see him for what he is. I
It is unbelievable how someone could be so cruel as to inflict such psychological and mental anguish.

Ok. Here’s my question that nobody seems to be able to answer. How do you get others to see the real motives of the narcissist? How do you neutralise the toxic shame that engulfs entire communities? Why don’t people know more about narcissism to see it for what they are, rather than venerated all knowing “truth tellers”. How on earth can their sickness persist in this day and age?

Help! How do I find a lawyer who is familiar with this problem?

[…] they receive from duping people.  Of course, they also do this because, if they can perceive other people as stupid, then that makes them really smart (by standards of the Narcissist, of […]

Lies, Lies, Lies. The lie is what ultimately drove me to reject the N Ex Wife and almost completely push her out of my emotional landscape. I think they call that withdrawal. One site called it a separation under one roof. But fundamentally the biggest lies always were about the same thing. Where are you going to be? Who will you be with? And what will you be doing?

Kim, very well written posts and informative.

It seems like no lie is too ridiculous. As a matter of fact, it looks as if the ridiculousness of the lie is directly proportionate to the pleasure the narc gets from it.

Linda is right about needing to cut ties with those influenced by a narcissist’s clever and convincing lies. It can be hard enough letting go of lies about yourself to yourself!
Thanks for this post.

Good pic