Dear Kim – How Long Before I Feel Myself Again?

By Kim Saeed | Maintaining No Contact

Dec 12
Q&A Tuesday

Dear Kim,

I am still stuck in trying to figure this all out and therefore still in a low emotional state.  I really want to get out of it but I just can’t seem to shake it.  There is a proverb that says not to repay good with evil, and this is exactly what happened to me.

How long did it take before you started to notice your true self start to show up again?  The real you?

~ Matthew

Dear Matthew,

The biggest gift I gave myself was to stop trying to figure out “Why”, and accept that what happened was a reflection of who HE is and not of who I am.

I gave up trying to make sense of the madness.  I gave up trying to figure out what I could have done differently, because I did everything I could.  I stopped obsessing about all the things he did to me.  I just let it all go.  Some of it was a conscious choice; part of it was through symbolic actions.

I do guided meditations and read material from Louis Hay and Cheryl Richardson, among others.  There are some energy healing techniques available that are also very helpful. Energy healing is more effective because what Narcissists do to us goes all the way down to the soul level and they infiltrate our energetic and psychic fields.

I realized that some of the lingering feelings toward him had to do with my wounds that he brought to the surface.  In other words, he resurrected my low self-esteem and need for unconditional love.  That’s part of why I obsessed about him so much.  He represented something extremely painful.  Once I recognized this, I was able to start working on Self-love and acknowledging myself as worthy.  After I made progress in these areas, he became like a distant memory.  I also realized that my prior progress had been limited due to a prison I built around myself.  So, I set myself free and left him back there, behind bars where he belongs.

I still have days where I find myself in a low place, but the good news is, we can raise our vibration through conscious awareness…in the beginning, it’s challenging, but with practice, you’ll definitely begin seeing a big difference.

To answer your question, how long does it take…healing is different for everyone.  Those who find a mentor or coach, find a good support system, and consciously work on their inner wounding on a consistent basis are generally the people who heal more successfully.  

A great place to get started is by downloading The Beginner’s Healing Toolkit below.  

Hope that helps, Matthew!

Do you have a burning question about your partner’s dubious behaviors?  Submit them to and your question will be entered into our database and possibly included in a future publication. 

© Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach, 2013-2016

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