Narcissistic Lies

By Kim Saeed | Narcissism

Dec 13

“Narcissist lies” and “Narcissist telling lies” are among the most popular search terms that lead people to Let Me Reach.

On one hand, I’m glad people are beginning to understand their Narc is a liar.  On the other hand, I feel for them because for most, it is the beginning of a long road of torment.

Narcissists lie about everything.  In fact, they will even lie about things they don’t “need” to lie about.  I think some of them turn it into an Olympic sport just for the amusement they receive from duping people.  They also do it because, if they can perceive other people as stupid, then that makes them really smart (by standards of the Narcissist, of course).

And guess what?  Catching them in a lie will not change anything.  They will lie about covering up lies and lie more to cover up those lies.  Think of their lies as nesting boxes…a tiny lie inside of a small lie, inside of a medium lie, inside of a big lie, inside of a huge lie.  You get the idea.

Nor will they feel any remorse for their lies.  For them, lying is no different than fixing a sandwich or putting gas in their car.  Lies are just a means to an end.  In fact, the only time you will hear them “apologize” for lying is when you prepare to leave them.  Not because they are remorseful.  It’s because they see the prospect of adult responsibilities staring them in the face…

In a relationship with a Narcissist, it always happens the same way.  You discover your partner is a pathological liar, usually after they have begun to devalue you.  So, the fact that they can’t open their mouth without lying adds to the resentment that’s already building.

From my own experience, that resentment isn’t entirely directed toward the Narcissist.   We begin to resent ourselves.  However, our ego doesn’t want this realization to rise to the surface of our conscious mind.  Our ego tells us, “You can make this work.  You can change him/her.  All you need to do is be nice to them and they will go back to the person you fell in love with.”  There’s only one problem with that.  The person you fell in love with never existed.  It was all a lie.  It’s probably the biggest lie we come to acknowledge about our Narcissistic partner.

Our ego wants The Charmer that we met in the beginning.  The Charmer that told us everything we wanted to hear, fulfilled all of our needs, and made us feel special.  The Charmer was our soul mate.

Our Logic, however, knows better.  Our Logic knows The Charmer was a lie.  Our Logic knows that our partner is really a Dark Villain.  However, our Ego usually wins out over Logic. Then, we subconsciously resent ourselves because we let our Ego tag-team against us with the Narcissist.

You know that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach after you forgive the Narcissist, yet again, and they go back to their evil ways in four minutes flat?  That feeling comes from believing our Ego.  In other words, it comes from believing the lie we told ourselves.  Because, when it comes right down to it, we know the Narcissist won’t change.

It’s time to show your Ego who is boss.

 

As for your Narcissist…well, there’s no hope for him or with him and he needs to be released back into the wild.

Your Healing Toolkit

Jpg_healing_toolbox_rs_for_ck

Join thousands of others who are joining the 10-Day Recovery mini-course and get instant access to:

The Beginner's Healing Toolkit! Start healing from Narcissistic Abuse now!

Powered by ConvertKit
Follow

About the Author

Leave a Comment:

(14) comments

Daniel November 4, 2016

This is BY FAR the BEST website on Narcissism i’ve EVER come across! Unbelievable. The only issue I have with it is the often gender specificity. I understand that women often “Feel” like it’s a problem for men, but I can assure you, EVERY SINGLE THING mentioned in EVERY post on this website is just as much a part of a female’s narcissistic arsenal, maybe more so, because as a man, you think it’s your job to supply, supply everything, at least that’s how we’re raised, so as a man, it’s much easier to see these traits in a woman as your fault, your lack of masculinity, or simply… Your duty. Outside that, again, most other resources mention the old, tired, “someone who is in love with themselves,” and we as a society begin to view narcissism as an ego play, though it is, it’s MUCH deeper, you can be egotistical and NOT be a narcissist, in fact, I’d be willing to bet that those people you view as egotistical are NOT narcissists, TRUE narcissists are too good at their game to let outsiders see them as anything but perfect. To play the egotistical meat-head would be to show their cards, and if a narcissist is good at anything it’s NOT showing you (until it’s too late) and ESPECIALLY ANYONE ELSE who they really are. More than likely, it’s the person who seems too perfect that is most likely the narcissist, and as the author stated in this or another article, they will make the victim think THEY ARE CRAZY before even the victim realizes what’s going on, so there is sure as heck no hope for the casual observer to catch on to their true self, i.e. you cannot check off a set of characteristics to determine if you’re with a narcissist, BRILLIANT as it was, seriously, the BEST definition of narcissistic behavior I’ve heard, and one I will now employ when trying to explain to people who my ex-wife was, is to explain the symptoms, because to try and explain who they really were would be to paint yourself as crazy. Just tell ppl how you felt/feel and they’ll either believe you or not, it’s of no concern of yours whether or not they KNOW how insane your ex/partner was/is, just that they know they made you deathly ill. I used to go to bed eery night reminding myself, “I can kill myself if I need to, if it’s the ONLY thing I have left, I can always kill myself, I still have that much control,” and that is how I would get to sleep at night, in fear I would lose my children every single moment of every day if I didn’t meet her insane, never-ending, ever-changing demands. Sure enough, that’s exactly what happened, and my worse fear, that she would convince the courts to eventually take away any and all access was realized this past Christmas.

Reply
    Kim Saeed November 5, 2016

    Hi Daniel, thank you for stopping by and for commenting. You make many good points regarding the female narcissist and, yes, there are just as many men suffering from the effects of narcissistic abuse. I’ve written some articles about narcissists of the female ilk, but I don’t have experience with them like I do with the male narcissist, which is where my expertise lies. So many of my posts do refer to the male narcissist and his manipulations and abuses. I do have a male guest writer who publishes his work here, Ven Baxter. Perhaps you’d like to follow his work, as well?

    Reply
amber January 29, 2016

I love you. This helps me a lot. I read a book about abusive controling men and this website just takes my blinders off. I didnt think i could fall for a psycho, sometimes he seems so rational, i buy his bull. I know he isnt good and ive been leaving since i met him. But he wont leave me alone. I love how you said one text message could ruin your life its so true, one answered call or text. Ive moved states away this time and blocked all his numbers and emails again. Everytime i think hes given up he comes back even months later. Restraining order is next. Thank you for the supportive words and understanding to help me get away.

Reply
    Kim Saeed June 26, 2016

    Hi Amber, thank you for your kind words. I hope you have healed some since leaving this comment and that you are free from this man who was forcing himself into your life. You deserve to be happy and free.

    Kim
    XoXo

    Reply
Lilmama February 26, 2015

HA! my Ex Narc (who’s been in jail for 3 months now for trying to kill me, 2 different times) took a polygraph test swearing up and down he never cheated on me with my hoe ass neighbor, while I was pregnant with his son, he lied through his damn teeth, and passed.
I still make excuses for him. I pray he changes for his sons sake. Deep down we all know that isn’t gonna happen. I’ve never met such a disgusting excuse for a human being.

Reply
secretangel December 20, 2013

So true!! You are so right about narcissist and their lies. Thanks for sharing….

Reply
    Kim Saeed December 20, 2013

    And thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot!

    Reply
secretangel December 14, 2013

Awesome post. This is so true. It is amazing these narcissist work.

Reply
StrongerSoulSurvivor December 13, 2013

This post totally hits the nail on the head!

My abusive narc used to spin lies upon lies, exactly as you describe. I’d get so confused trying to keep track that I’d give up eventually and stop challenging him. He’d tell me I was crazy when I didn’t buy into his untruths, and when I applied logic to his utterly irrational arguments.

It was only after I got out, researching to understand what had happened to me, that I realised that this was a deliberate tactic – he was gaslighting me.

From what I understand about narcissism, lying is a reflex action but gaslighting is a deliberate tactic. Would love to hear your views on gaslighting in relation to narcissism!

Reply
    Kim Saeed December 13, 2013

    Wow! The same happened to me, I was in the abusive relationship for eight years and only after leaving did I start to understand what happened.

    I would love to exchange notes on gaslighting. It was a descent into madness…I shall come back and give you my story, hopefully sometime this weekend 🙂

    By the way, you have an awesome site! I’ve just added you to my list of nominees for the “Narcissist Slayer” blog award: http://letmereach.com/2013/12/13/the-narcissist-slayer-blog-award-nominations/ 🙂

    Reply
      StrongerSoulSurvivor December 13, 2013

      I think there must be a narcissism training course online somewhere, which they all get their tips from! Or, maybe they read your Guide 😉

      Would be great to hear about your experience of gaslighting – some of what I went through is detailed here: http://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2013/11/07/gaslighting-you-are-not-mad-or-bad/

      I haven’t done much to understand how gaslighting relates specifically to narcissism, mostly because I don’t have the detailed knowledge to do so. Hence, I’m asking the expert.

      And, thank you for the nomination – proud to be joining the other warriors on your list! 🙂

      Reply
Kim Saeed December 13, 2013

Thank you for your continued encouragement :). Indeed, it’s sad the sheer number of search terms revolving around Narcissists. They’re like a pandemic spreading across the globe!

Reply
idiotwriter December 13, 2013

Brilliantly on point as always ~ so sickeningly sad that there are so many people searching those terms…but if it leads them HERE – FABULOUS 😀 They will learn a lot.

Reply
Add Your Reply

Leave a Comment: