My Narcissist Left Me…Will He Ever Come Back?

By Kim Saeed | Maintaining No Contact

Dec 19
Q&A Tuesday

Dear Reader,

If your Narcissist has left you, you’re actually quite lucky.  I know it doesn’t seem that way now because you are probably addicted to him, and I don’t mean in a romantic, warm and fuzzy kind of way.  You are addicted because of the peptides released during the crazy-making phases of the relationship, as well as the brainwashing you’ve endured since you met him.

To answer your question, “Will he ever come back?”  It could go either way.  If he doesn’t come back, it means he has secured another acceptable source of supply and you’ve been discarded.  To them, we are nothing more than a resource…a tissue, a cup of coffee, a sitcom on television.  We are only in their life for the convenience we offer and as a receptacle for all of their problems and faults..

It’s also possible that although he has secured another source of supply, he will keep you in the shadows as a back-up.  In other words, you could become “the Other Woman”.  Narcissists get bored very easily.  And while his new supply might be grand, nothing strokes his ego more than proving to himself that he can still have his way with you.  He is aware of all the sacrifices you made, the number of times you forgave him, and how you suffered under his hand.  Yet, here you are…taking him back without a second thought, proving that he is King.  I know because I was once that woman who took my Ex back over and over…don’t be “That Woman”.  Think of it from his point of view…he has two women (possibly more) who are trained to follow his every command.  It feeds his God complex.

If your relationship has reached the point where he’s left you, the best thing you can do for yourself is put up the barricades and go into full lock-down mode.  Think of yourself as G.I. Jane in DEFCON level 3.  Yeah, it’s that serious.  If you’re not convinced, just go to any random forum on the internet regarding relationships with a Narcissist and see if you can find ONE happy ending.

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(77) comments

Marvin B Kennedy July 23, 2017

I met my N when we were 15 years old and separated at 19. So we reconnected now at 52 years old, everything was going fine until i didn’t let her treat me anyway and when i didnt she would block me from all contact even social media,she always wanted to go out on my expenses and never wanted to treat, so now she text me and said i am cheap and dont like the way i talk to her, i treat her great, she a friend that think i should look at her as my woman,so she blocked me on everything include her cell number, what should i do..sorry for long writing.

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Anonymous January 17, 2016

I need help…I have been involved with what I believe is a full blown narcissist. We are both married. We started off talking over the Internet for about 10 months. He asked for pictures and he sent some as well. He enjoyed sexting. During that time he would make plans to meet me and then never show. He always had excuses and I always fell for them. One day after taking enough abuse I deleted him for all contacts (or so I thought) he was hurt. We finally met up one week later.
Things progressed very quickly. He would get very annoyed with me if I could not meet him when he wanted. 6 weeks later we finally had sex…he disappeared. At first I was angry…then I was devastated. I texted him and contacted every chance I could. He did not respond. About 6 weeks later he came back…we worked things out and were together as much as we could possibly be…texting all day. It was overwhelming but wonderful as well. Then he had to go away for a weekend. I knew he was with his family so I left him alone…did not text him the entire time. He was not happy when he got back. He was cold and short tempered. He began pulling away, would hardly see me. Then a few months later he dumped me out of the blue, no warning…I didn’t see it coming. A few weeks later he wanted to see me. The craziness continued. The games went on for almost 4 years. During the down times…I would be devastated. Crying, depressed and unable to get out of bed at times. I was completely in love with this man…I fed his ego beyond what I could even believe. He was a god to me. Recently..
He was caught by his wife texting another woman!! She stayed. He asked me not to text him as his wife was watching him closely. I was beyond devastated. I know he was also having problems at work. Recently he told me not to text or email him…that he would explain soon. It’s been 3 weeks…I haven’t heard from him.
What do I do? Have I been discarded for good? This guy has been horrible…it’s been a total roller coaster ride…what is wrong with me? I get panic attacks when I think he will come back but I am devastated that he won’t…I am losing my mind. I take full responsibility for putting myself in this situation…but I was in love with this man before this whole thing started. It doesn’t make me right…I fell for him

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Erin November 20, 2015

Been with my narcissist 6 years. Married 4. Its funny how he was too good to be true in the beginning. Yet he always talked bad about every ex he had. They were crazy, and at the end he would just leave, and move back into his moms, where he played the victim, and mom could comfort him. He even had her trained, all his exes were nut jobs. None of the relationships he was in prior to me didnt last past a year and a half.
We got married at his insistance, I didnt understand why he and his mom were planning a shot gun wedding, minus the pregnancy. Literally a week and half to plan and invite people. We were married, even though the 3 days prior, I cried and kept asking are we making a mistake. Well apparently I didnt love him like he loved me, and no marriage we were done. I married him. And it all changed. Gone was the happy, funny, loving, caring man I had fallen in love. Even sexually I thought we were nsync. Little did I know the new phase he had been popping viagra, and as soon as we were married stopped. I felt like I wasnt attractive to him anymore, i would beg, plead, ask why he was ignoring me. I thought I was going crazy. He would bring something up, and I would say why didnt you tell me? He would insist he did. I started thinking I was losing my mind. I was walking on hot coals, afraid anything I did would make him mad. I have a great habit now of saying Im sorry for everything, it started with him, and i noticed i was saying it all the time. He made me think my family didnt care about me. He hated my sister, and if i talked to her he had issues. My sister hated him, she didnt want me to marry him. She saw right through him.I did everything for that man, jumped hoops it never was good enough.

2012, oct He was acting nice, saying I love you. 2 hour later he left me. Ignored me, drained our savings. He never paid any bills. For 4 months ai was a mess. I cried, coukdnt eat. I felt like my heart had been ripoed from my chest. He refused to answer my calls, or texts. He came back, and we could not talk about why he had left. It was swept under the rug. Now I was really on edge.

Oct 2013, he left again. Ignored me. Drained bank account. Took the car and truck. Refused to talk to me for 2 months, but this time during weekends, his phone would be off. But during week, he was coming over to gasp have sex with me. He never stayed. But i took what i could.i loved him fiercely. I found out when he was in shower, and his phone was shut off, I turned on. There was 5 missed texts from Nicole. I miss you baby, are you ever going to come over. I miss you, you never answer me during week. I asked him who it was, how he could do this to me. His reply, it was his cousins wife being silly. No it wasnt. She dumped him in Feb, and he had come back. He had dumped her because he realized how much he loved me. No, it wasnt the truth. She had msgd me on fb. She was 15 years older tgan me, 10 years older than him. She said he was a self serving, non communitive, narcissist and was done with him. She said she was sorry, she had thought he was divorced, and said I was a beautiful girl, and seemed smart. Get strong and leave him. He doesnt deserve anyone. I took him back. Again swept it all under the rug.

Oct 24,2015. He was getting in his miserable, ignoring moods. I had complied to everything. I didnt ask for sex, to talk about issues. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer. I would cry at random times, My dad had text me, bc he has no voice and wasnt feeling good. I was worries. I started crying. Never did he comfort me. But he said Im sick of hearing you cry about your dad. I hope he effin dies. At that moment, all the past and his behaviors bubbled to tge surface. I told him to leave. I wasnt just sad about my dad. I had given up on this fake man too. I hated when he was home. It has been 27 days. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I blocked all his numbers, blocked him on FB. I have not cried, I sleep the best I have in years. I am done. I deserve so much better. I have been reflective, I dont want to date obviously. I dont miss him. I am not consumed with what hes doing, if he is seeing someone, the fact that he is probably talking bad about me to his family, and that now I have joined tge ranks of the long line of discarded woman he left without a back glance.
I will never get closure with him. Its funny, he used to get mad bc I could see my exes out and we remained cordial. No animosity.

I am ovef him. But years of the emotional abuse has taken its toll. I have no self esteem left. I probably will be scared to ever date in the future bc i was lied to so bad. But I am taking this time, to work on me. I know I am capable of love, compassion, passion, and caring for others. I have not been myself in 6 years. I feel like the dark clouds are gone, and the sun is shining. Theres a skip to my step. I am alive. No contact, and blocking everything, and not even having the urge to contact him is a liberating feeling.

I know it can hurt, Ive felt that raw stabbed in the heart pain, you must go through the 5 stages of grief. Remember your worth. Take it day by day. Try to eat, if you can get boost, or breakfast essentials. Talk to a therapist, or your Dr, see if you can get an anti depressant, or tools to help you cope. It will hurt before it gets better. The first 2 times he left, i actually had to go to ER, get ivs, bc I had dehydrated myself. Pray to God, ask him to help you forgive him.

I know Im not alone, just remember you are worth so much more than this. Love is patient, love is kind. Not hurtful.
Be strong, my fellow narc lovers. Do something nice for yourself. Get dressed, do your hair, go for a walk.
Thank you for this article.

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    Anonymous October 4, 2016

    Bless you 😘

    Reply
    TC March 2, 2017

    Erin – you are an amazing woman! I was reading your story and it was ME!!! That was ME who you were describing – I went through the EXACT same things as you – I’m sorry you went through that but how happy you must be to be away from all of the toxicity. You did the best thing you could do for yourself! keep up the No Contact! Thank you for your story!

    Reply
PREFER TO NOT MAKE PUBLIC July 23, 2015

I HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MAN FOR 11 YEARS…AFTER DOING ALL THIS RESEARCH TO FIGURE OUT THE WHY’S I HAVE DECIDED THAT I BELIEVE HE IS A NARCISSIST. HE GREW UP IN A LARGE FAMILY OF 12, AND WAS LEFT TO FEND FOR HIMSELF. HE WAS ONLY SCHOOLED UP UNTIL 7 YEARS OF AGE AND WORKED WITH OLD FARMERS SINCE THAT AGE. HE HAS MADE A SUCCESS OF HIMSELF AND NOW HAS 2 BUSINESSES, SO I PRAISE HIS HARD WORK, BUT I FEEL THIS UPBRINGING HAS LEFT HIM WITH THIS PERSONALITY-

IT’S LIKE IT ALL SAYS…IT STARTED OUT AMAZING…FOR A FEW YEARS I WAS HIGH ON LIFE- HE WOULD BRING ME LITTLE PRESENTS, TAKE ME ON TRIPS, SPEND EVERY CHANCE HE COULD WITH ME. AT THIS TIME, HE WAS MARRIED, AND TOLD ME HIS WIFE HAD TAKEN HIS KIDS AND LEFT THE COUNTRY AND WERE IN THE PROCESS OF A DIVORCE…SO WHEN SHE CAME BACK TO TOWN A YEAR LATER AND CALLED ME ASKING IF I KNEW HE WAS MARRIED, I WAS SHOCKED.

THEY ENDED UP GETTING A DIVORCE, AND WE STAYED TOGETHER, BUT IT’S LIKE HE KEPT CHIPPING AWAY AT ME A BIT AT A TIME…HE THREW ME UNDER THE BUS WITH HIS WIFE AND KIDS, PUT ME AT THE FOREFRONT OF ALL THE BLAME, CARRIED A GRUDGE AGAINST ME(BEHIND THE SCENES) ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY HE “GAVE UP TO BE WITH ME”. I FELT GUILTY ABOUT THAT FOR YEARS, BUT THEN HE JUST WASN’T THERE FOR ME DURING TIMES OF MUCH EMOTIONAL NEED…I AM SO ASHAMED AND SAD ABOUT THE SITUATIONS…THAT I CANNOT REALLY SPEAK OF, BUT DURING A VERRY DIFFICULT TIME, I FOUND HIM IN THE BAR HAVING DRINKS, AND I WENT AND FOUND HIM UPSET, AND HE DID NOT FOLLOW ME OUT…JUST LET ME GO…THAT WAS YEARS AGO…TO FAST FORWARD, I ACCEPTED THAT HE LIKES TO HAVE TIME TO HIMSELF, SO HE GOES OUT WITH FRIENDS, TAKES HOLIDAYS WITH THEM OR BY HIMSELF, I DON’T GIVE HIM A HASSLE ABOUT ANYTHING…BUT ITS LIKE THIS- I WAS AFRAID IF I SAID ANYTHING OUT OF THE WAY TO MAKE HIM ANGRY HE WOULD LEAVE ME…

I GO BACK AND FORTH HERE, BUT 3 YEARS AGO I SAID THATS IT! I HAD ENOUGH, AND DID NOT GO WITH HIM FOR A WHOLE SUMMER..THAT WAS A HARD TIME IN MY LIFE, AS MY JOB SLOWED GREATLY AND I HAV 3 CHILDREN, AND I WAS BASICALLY BROKE FOR 2 YEARS. I GOT A JOB AT A LOCAL RETAILER AND STARTED TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY LIFE…HE WOULD POP OVER PERIODICALLY OVER THAT 3 MONTH TIME PERIOD, BUT I KEPT SENDING HIM AWAY- FINALLY IN THE FALL I GAVE IN AND WE WENT OUT…WE WOULD THEN GET TOGETHER BIT BY BIT AND I THOUGHT WE WERE WORKING ON GETTING BACK TOGETHER…WELL, MONTHS LATER, ON VALENTINES DAY, HE TEXTED ME THAT HE WAS GOING OUT OF TOWN AND WHEN I WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE I FOUND ANOTHER WOMAN’SL NEGLIGE…I FLIPPED OUT…WORKED THAT ONE OUT AFTER I BEGGED AND BEGGED HIM TO GIVE ME A CHANCE…I BASICALLY LET HIM WALK ALL OVER ME FOR MONTHS, THEN FOUND OUT HE HAD MET HER FOR DINNER…I SAID IM DONE HERE….HE BEGGED ME AND PROMISED THAT IF I GAVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE LIFE WITH HIM WOULD BE GREAT-

SO OF COURSE, I DID…IT WAS UP AND DOWN FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS, UP UNTIL PRESENT TIME…I GIVE HIM SPACE, I DON’T GET ON HIS CASE ABOUT ANYTHING, HELP HIM PLAN TRIPS FOR HIM DURING THE WINTER MONTHS, WHEN I CAN’T GO BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK…STOPPED ASKING IF HE WOULD EVER LOOK AFTER ME WHERE I CAN SPEND THE TIME WITH HIM LIKE I WAS ABLE WHEN WE FIRST MET( BECAUSE MY JOB WAS MY OWN SCHEDULE, WHEREAS NOW I AM 9-5). THEN 2 WEEKS AGO I FOUND OUT HE ASKED ANOTHER WOMAN FOR HER PHONE NUMBER WHEN OUR OTHER FRIEND WENT TO THE BATHROOM- SO THE SNEAKINESS OF WAITING FOR THE FRIEND TO LEAVE SHOWS ME OF HIS INTENTIONS…THAT HE IS OUT THERE LOOKING AROUND FOR WHAT? JUST IN CASE?

I CALLED HIM OUT ON IT AND SAID I JUST CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE- HE SAID THERE IS NO HARM IN TALKING TO SOMEONE AND I WAS OVER REACTING. I SAID, IF YOU ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP YOU DO NOT ASK ANOTHER WOMAN FOR HER PHONE NUMBER IN SECRET- THEN HE SAID HE NEEDED A BREAK.

I BROKE DOWN AND CALLED HIM 5 DAYS LATER IN THE MORNING AFTER WAKING UP FEELING OVERWHELMED AND OUT OF CONTROL- HE CAME OVER AND SPENT THE DAY WITH ME…SAID IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS HE HAD IN A LONG TIME, AND THAT I’M A “GREAT LADY”.

SO IT HAS BEEN 4 DAYS NOW SINCE AND I HAVE NOT CALLED OR ANYTHING. I FEEL I AM IN A DIFFERENT PLACE THIS TIME, BUT THE QUESTION STILL LIES…IS HE A NARCISSIST? DOES HE KNOW IT? AM I CRAZY? THE LOGICAL PART OF ME KNOWS HE IS NOT AWARE, AND JUST DOES FOR THE MOMENT…AND THAT THIS IS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, HE IS JUST INCAPABLE OF BEING A PERSON, BUT IT’S JUST THOSE SMALL GLIMPSES THAT WERE SO GREAT THAT KEPT ME IN THERE THINKING ONE DAY….

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Jane April 28, 2015

Your site has helped me so much..I am in the middle ifofn ugly divorce from my Narcissist. We were married 17 years. He has left me for a supply that is 23 years younger with 3 kids (we had none). We have considerable property and he of course thinks he should have it all. this all equals about half a million dollars abnd he just wants me to quit claim it all to him so he can ” move on with his life”. Nothing in life could have ever prepared me for this devastation. I have been virtually non functional since Halloween night when he called me and told me he wanted a divorce. He now lives with the OW and the kids in my brand new home in MT. I live in CA. I have had 2 hire attys and am running out of money fast! This is all so horrible.

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Panda February 17, 2015

Hi,

I am so glad I found this website. I am in my early twenties, and during my second year of college dated a narcissist. At the time, I was experiencing health issues and he often accompanied me to my appointments, emergency room appointments, etc. Then, eventually the verbal and emotional abuse started. I became withdrawn and isolated from my church, friends, and family. He even said “F$#^ your pastor” which I have never heard anyone use such obscene language to a man in the cloth. After a year of the abuse, I left and the recovery has been difficult. He obtained a peace order, and made it seem as though I was the abusive person and had tortured him. I learned so much and the recovery has been difficult. Sometimes, I feel angry he was able to lie to a judge and fake that he needed protection from me..when in fact it was the other way around. The constant yelling and screaming. I even found out he was lying to me about something that I found out through a close friend.

I have been in therapy and I am slowly but surely recovering from this. I just hate how he treated me and I over-invested into a dead end relationship. He couldn’t hold down a job, wasn’t enrolled in school like I was, military would’t re-admit him, just a lot of funky stuff that I couldn’t understand why a young man in his early twenties would be struggling with. He couldn’t even hold down small jobs like cashiering and working at Wendy’s. His anger was so explosive my health declined. I thank you for this blog and any feedback you are willing to provide.

XOXO

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Empathy Girl February 9, 2015

So sorry for all the typos. Should have said he asked me if I would be mad if he started seeing someone. Then I asked if he was, and he said no.

ANother thing is that he seems to have now convinced himself that he had been out of contact all fall. He said this to me and to others–when in fact we’d been very much in contact.

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Empathy Girl February 9, 2015

Hi Kim,

I’m just now realizing what has happened to me. I had an affair with someone. We were both in other relationships. He left his after a few months–because, he said, he had borderline personality disorder (!) and had forced upon him an unauthentic life as a conservative family man. It was rockets and roses between us. I’d released his true authentic self from the prison his wife had kept him in. He acknowledged that he’d allowed that to happen, partly because of trauma from a terrible, extremely abusive childhood. Well, I had a harder time leaving my partner, for a lot of reasons. He felt for a year and a half that he was chasing me and I was not allowing myself to be caught, when really I was agonizing about what the right thing was for me. He told me he’d have to find another woman one day, but that he could never open himself up like he had with me. We let things cool off between us, scaled back to friends, though we did end up making out the last time I saw him. He asked me to go home with him and I said no.

Fast forward one month: he asked if I would be mad. I said I would be sad but I would understand. Then I asked if he was seeing someone, and he said no. Then he stopped answering my emails for a few days. I asked if something was wrong. He replied, “Nothing’s wrong–just busy and happy in a new relationship.” Bam, like that. Now, I realize I’d given up my claim on him, but still, this seemed like a heartless way to handle things. There followed a few days of me trying to get him to talk on the phone, then he exploded in self-righteous rave. Somehow we left it on good terms, with each telling the other we wished each other happiness and that we were each other’s great loves and wanted to be friends always.

Then he blocked me for a month. During that time I realized how much he meant to me. I broke up with my boyfriend and wrote him a letter of apology for all the ways I’d hurt him (mainly not choosing him earlier) and asked him if he would consider trying again–a real relationship, committed, everything he’d begged me for.

That got a phone call from him. He said he’d worked hard to get over me–that he felt he was a different person and didn’t want to open himself up like that again. He said he could not consider me while he was in a new relationship, because he wants to be “honest.”

I told him the offer was still open–that he could make up his own mind whether he wanted to let the love of his life slip through his fingers. We were going to meanwhile have contact with “boundaries”–i.e. he didn’t want to be alone with me.

I know this all sounds crazy, but it made sense at the time.

Anyhow, he ignored my first friendly overture for several days. Then he agreed there was more to talk about. Then nothing for five days. Then he wrote to tell me about a dream he had–one concerning me. I wrote again that we needed to talk more. He said he’d get back to me with a time. Nothing for five days. I wrote with some suggested times. Nothing for a week.

Today he wrote to tell me he’s been afraid to talk to me, though he doesn’t know why. And that he’s in crisis over his job. He feels he lacks “internal objects” and seeks validation through work, accomplishments, responsibilities, so he’s in a state of trauma over his impending layoff. In other words, He’s telling ME he’s a narcissist! And yet doesn’t seem to make any connection between that and his treatment of me these past few months. No “I’m sorry for freezing you out,” no “how are you doing?” Just “I’ll check in again soon, or feel free to email me again.”

I don’t know if I have a question. I guess I was wondering if it sounds to you like I’m on the right track as far as what his problem is. I feel like maybe it’s an especially botched situation because he feels he chased me for years and I wouldn’t be caught. (Until now.)

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    Empathy Girl February 9, 2015

    Sorry–that should have said he left his wife because he said SHE had borderline personality disorder

    Reply
heart broken February 7, 2015

I just found this website and wow oh wow did it hit home. Apparently I have been involved with a narcissist for the past 25 years. Just a sitting duck, poised and waiting for his eminent return. Will it be months? Will it be years? Will it be just when I have completely forgotten all about him? He always comes back. I believed that he was my one and only true love. He had other plans, and other women. But always came back to me. More so if I was married or had someone in my life. Then he was on like white on rice, begging me to be with him, saying he is the only one for me,etc. You all know the drill!! So 1 month ago I initiated the NC rule. So far so good – on his part. But for me I can’t stop thinking about him, fantasizing that he’ll come back for good this time. I so want to call him, text him, it is torture. I have been addicted to him for more than half my life. And now I wonder if I can ever be in a real relationship ever again. I don’t think I will ever stop missing his amazing kisses and hugs – telling me all the things i want to hear. Please…are there any tips and tricks to completely getting over this N for good? I am sadly missing him tonight. ugh…

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    Kim Saeed February 7, 2015

    It will take some time to stop missing him since you were together so long. You’re energetically and limbically tied to him. However, if you start to focus on your healing and begin doing things you’ve always thought of but didn’t, you will start to find yourself again.

    If you aren’t already, I would suggest seeing a therapist to help with some of the emotional trauma you likely endured. Then, you’ll want to start some transformational healing activities such as guided meditations.

    Additionally, I wrote an article on cutting energetic ties that might be helpful:
    http://letmereach.com/2014/07/09/psychic-cord-cutting-as-part-of-the-healing-process/

    Best of luck on your healing journey <3

    Reply
Natalia January 18, 2015

If only I had known this before hand….my husband discarded me almost 2 years ago for his girlfriend. He kept making me feel like we would get back together but it never happened. So here I am still married to him with a baby that’s due in 5 days with 3 other kids by him. And his girlfriend has 4 kids of her own which he tries to treat are his just to annoy me and she has a baby on the way to. How did I get in this situation? Sometimes I wish I would just die……

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    Kim Saeed January 18, 2015

    Natalia, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I wish I had an easy answer, but your best bet for a better life is to file for divorce. It won’t be easy, but it’s your only chance for happiness in the long-term.

    Reply
      Natalia January 18, 2015

      Thank you Kim. My therapist told me that over and over. And to be honest I’m scared that if I do he will marry her. That’s just a whole other door of pain I’m not ready to walk thru yet… And Kim your post are so on point its crazy. Thank u so much! Your blogs really do help me for the moment….

      Reply
Angeline December 28, 2014

I was with my now ex Narc for a little over a year. He is in prison and now felt the need to cut me off like a piece of trash. I couldnt go visit him during the time frame he wanted due to work and he told me I disrespected him since his friend bought my ticket. This is the email i get all my pictures etc were sent in the mail christmas week :
Look stop bothering my friends and me…i told you a long time ago about dissing me…it sucks but move on ..you’ll be alright
write to texas or whatever….just leave me alone this is the last message i’m going to send to you….don’t write because it
will not be opened only thrown away….stop calling the prison they won’t help…i really tried to make us work i did…
it was you that didn’t want to change….goodluck on your path of life—–michael—–

He knows all i do is work, home, him and blocked me from visits, emails and now mail. I am sad and hurt. I was here from him like a switch he said I love you next day leave me alone…

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Destroyed DC December 13, 2014

All these stories are so similar to mine. I just can’t believe it. My N broke up with me and of course it’s my fault because I am crazy a week ago. I should be jumping for joy right???? Why do I feel sad. Why do I feel the need to contact him? What did I do to deserve him to be ignoring me and not answering my calls.

Am I also a narcissist???? Because I’m the one who feels like I’m going crazy not hearing from him.

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Anonymous November 23, 2014

I was with my narcissist for 7 years and although he ALWAYS leaved me and came back he dumped me last night. Said he has a GIRLFRIEND! I had sex with him 4 days ago, he showered me with love texts all day long but now he told me he is happy with her, where did she ever came from? I wanted him to leave for so long being that I’m unable to leave him so why does it’s hurt so bad. Haven’t eat or sleep, him with her it’s all I can think about. Ugh I want the time to pass already cause my heart it’s ripped. Time hurry please!

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    Kim Saeed November 25, 2014

    Anon, I know how you feel because I experienced a similar scenario with my Ex. It took me a long time to heal, but I didn’t know anything about Narcissism then, and after several failed attempts at seeing different therapists, I was forced to chart my own path to healing.

    I would recommend going full-out No Contact and block him from every possible way of getting in touch with you. He will never change and you deserve better…

    Reply
      barely breathing December 21, 2014

      Thank you Kim for helping me realize I wasn’t alone or crazy. My relationship was 5 years and he was married. Promised me the world and would always tell me that no one will ever love me the way he did. Let’s hope that’s true because I don’t want anyone to love me like that again. I feel like I’m in the stalking phase, if that’s a phase. He decided to try and fix things with his wife because of the kids while he was still texting me holding on to me by a thread. He would get angry when I talked about moving on and finding better when all along he had tried to move on. He text on Saturday just using a code word we had and that was it. When I reached out to him a few days later he said he was getting random texts and wanted to see if it was me. Since then he has gone Mia. I wanted to get a hold of him to tell him to never text or call again and silence. I even called his work and he hasn’t been there. Can’t help but think he took a trip with the wife. I was obsessed. Paralyzed me all weekend. That’s how I came across this blog. I kept thinking there was something wrong with me, that I was losing my mind. I know the obvious mistake was that he was married but I wish you could have heard his convincing bullshit words. I’ve never been “that girl” until he came along

      Reply
Pop Quiz August 9, 2014

Please remove this post showing email address!!!

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Kim Saeed August 9, 2014

Ruchariz,

Recovery and letting go takes a lot of commitment to self-work…taking up a hobby, trying the healing tools I’ve listed here on the site, energy healing, and even eating right.

If you’ve already spent a lot of time researching Narcissism to the point that you have a good understanding of it, I would recommend stopping the Narc research and instead use the time on your healing. What you feed your mind is what becomes habit and that’s why it takes survivors longer to heal sometimes, because they continue to focus on the Narcissist.

Best wishes for your healing,

Kim

Reply
Pop Quiz July 28, 2014

What typically happens when a narcissist winds up with another narcissist? I know it’s not as common in women, but they do exist.

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Pop Quiz July 28, 2014

As I scour the internet trying to understand what the hell I’ve been going through the last 5 years, suspecting I was with a narcissist, I find blogs like this one and find that I was dead on with my suspicions and that so many of the things everyone is saying happened to them has happened to me. I am in love with a narcissist. Translation: an asshole. I should have seen the writing on the wall with the way he would brag about how he got out of past relationships, his marriage with his calculated, sucker-punch method that he did to his wife. Then he did the same exact thing to me. Now he’s got himself a new victim. His leaving me was the best thing for me, even though it doesn’t feel like it 8 months later. I have to erase him like he did me. Forget him like he did me. I look forward to the day I don’t even remember his name.

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    Kim Saeed July 28, 2014

    Pop Quiz,

    Doing the work of self-healing will eventually take the misery away, and you may even find that you’re in a better place. Narcissists have a way of uncovering buried wounds so we can heal them and become better and more whole. Check out my last two posts, they might help.

    Thank you so much for checking out my blog <3…

    Blessings and light ~ Kim

    Reply
    sadie October 13, 2015

    Sorry to hear all the things you went through. I know some time has passed and i hope it worked out for you. My ex-Narc to a tee left me last week. He left me in the most disgusting way!! He pretty much left me in an evicted apt and lied to me and just left one day without a care in the world. He was already strung out on meth to boot. Well after the Narc LEFT ME, i thought i was going to die. He had me so well manipulated that i didnt even know how to function without him, even though he was never there!!! He trained me well alright because the very next day after he took everything out of our evicted apt and moved out to God knows where, i moved out too and went to a hotel. I had gotten paid and i had money. I didnt know what i was gonna do as I met my Narc online and moved from Hawaii to Arkansas to be with HIM! it was 3 years of pure hell with him! He was the classic text book NARC, but i never had met one before and that was why i didnt understand what i was going through. I only read about Narc like a month ago……so anyway…he did me the greatest thiing on earth by leaving me. He also figured out that i was onto him. I never called or texted him, also bc i was sooo used to him never calling or texting me during our fake relationship that that part was easy for me. The NO CONTACT is easy for me bc he had already emotionally shut me out and ignored me the last 3 months of our fake relationship! He no longer has control over me what so ever!!! I dont call, text, email nothing!!! In fact, its driving HIM crazy bc its been almost a week since he left me, and within this one week of NO CONTACT from me, he has tried to become friends on fb with a male friend of mine whom i used to work with that he kinda knows. My male friend shut him down hard!! My male friend knows all the things this Narc was doing and did to me. So, when that didnt work, the Narc then went on my FB page and posted a rude comment from a post from 2014!!! I just laughed HARD!! He just cant handle that I AM NO LONGER HIS VICTIM, HIS SUPPLY!!!!!! He hasnt directly tried to contact me yet…..i say yet bc its only been 6 days really. So, we’ll see. Believe me its hard but it gets sooo much easier when you start to realize how much YOU are worth!! The Narc is fake. Tells lies. He will hurt you and bring you down till you have NOTHING!!!!!! Well, the jokes on him bc now i feel super good and I LOOK GOOD too!!! I pray that he doesnt come back to me or contact me. I know ppl say i should delete him from my FB as we are still “friends” on FB. I say no to deleting him or blocking him, bec he is now just one of the 800 fake or filler “friends” on my FB page. He doesnt even exist to me what so ever….and i know its killing him to see me soooo indifferent towards him bc he would have never ever expected ME to be this strong. Never. He thought he broke me…but he DID NOT BREAK ME!! I wised up fast and took CONTROL over MY LIFE! yea it sucks living in a hotel, but its really ok for me…i see it as a mini vacation alone to get over all this hell!!! I am fine, i really am. But i am also very proud of myself for recognizing PURE EVIL, accepting this Narc as sub human, and MOVING ON!!! And…..NO CONTACT!!! So ladies, thank the heavens up above that the NARC LEFT YOU!!!!!!!! The Narc left bec he knew that YOU KNEW that the jig is up!! Be strong….its in you. Believe that!!!

    Reply
careylouise86 July 14, 2014

I feel like a lot of things suddenly make sense now. I never understood why he acted the way he did. I found out that he was cheating and lying throughout our whole relationship and somehow he has still managed to make the break up my fault, through something minuscule that I didn’t even do. This happened quite often, any time I brought up issues he made me feel crazy, any time he was guilty of anything he would start an argument to make things my fault. The truth is that I am addicted, I do want him back but now I know I don’t want to be that woman.

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    Kim Saeed July 16, 2014

    Carey, it really is a biochemical and psychological addiction. That’s why it’s so hard for victims to maintain No Contact. It’s truly a form of rehab.

    But you’re right to acknowledge that things will never improve. Good luck!

    Reply
    Pop Quiz July 28, 2014

    So weird – I read this stuff and I wonder if you are talking about my narcissistic ex! LOL 😉

    Reply
      Kim Saeed July 28, 2014

      I know, right? That’s because they’re all the same…like robots from a production line.

      Reply
bluebunny888 July 13, 2014

Hello Kim,

Your article is straight to the point. Thank you so much for the advice. I have been through a long term relationship and a short term with narcs. We seem to get so sucked up on someone so charming, who praises us and pleases us in a temporary sort of way. It’s amazing how they can provide all that and *poof* you hit the black wall from out of nowhere when they dumped you for no apparent bad reason and most would say “I don’t feel the same anymore/things doesn’t feel right anymore” in other words “they are bored and wanna have something new. It’s very sad but since the first one was 3 years, the 8 months recently wasn’t too bad. I believed that most of them go with younger, silly women who will only figure things out later. I have been a “victim” and it changed you as a whole person. The grief however overwhelming, it will pass and you have to learn tell yourself, you’re lucky to have escaped it and feel sorry for the next.

I feel sad reading these stories shared by others. Some of us are very strong and some who can’t simply cope easily. Truth is, time will heal. Find as much diversion as you can. Sing a karaoke with friends, go for a bike ride, take your kids to restaurant or Picnic and read comedy books, travel short to another city, clean the whole house, go to spa alone or with friends and ponder things over. Think about the bad than the good, cos we seem to hold on to the good when it was all act and nothing more but a bullcrap.

The best revenge is block all contacts and focus on yourself/family/good friends and find things that makes you happy. They always come back, but let them have a taste of their own medicine by ignoring them or wait for the next that might just have the balls to do the same to them.

Be strong ladies. You’re not alone. 🙂

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    Kim Saeed July 13, 2014

    Excellent advice, bluebunny. Thank you 🙂 <3

    Reply
Breathingagain June 24, 2014

Thank you so much for this site. When I was at my lowest, merely a hollow shell of the vibrant, charismatic woman, I used to be, on the verge of ending it all and feeling both unlovable and mentally I’ll, I turned to the web and discovered that I was nothing of the sort. At first I felt disbelief, then anger and finally, I acted on all those feelings that had spread like a cancer inside me turning me into a weak shadow of a woman. There was one advice that I kept getting everywhere. Leave, get out, don’t ever have contact again. For months I decided to believe that my relationship was different. That we would be able to move through the hardship and remain friends. I felt guilty for leaving him behind, because surely he needed me. It didn’t work. I allowed him back in my life and within weeks, he had destroyed all that was left. We all react differently. Some people disappear and suffer in silence. Others act out their anger. I am the latter. During the final stages of our time together, I went out of my way to make him suffer. Due to the fact that he never heard a thing I had said, he realized that he had no idea, who he was dealing with. For this reason, he was and still am unsure of what I am capable of. It is not advisable to seek revenge on a narcissist, but this man is so below me when it comes to iq and general knowledge that I am and always will be several steps ahead of him. Once I realised what he was, I hit back and I hit back hard. I told him he was a lousy lover, a loser, a person with no future and nothing to offer. I dismantled all his lies and replaced them with hard facts. I stamped around on his ego and ridiculed him to the point where he had no other choice than to shut me up using physical force. Even then, he failed miserably. I gave back and shocked him for life. I even shocked myself. I have never felt so much hate and victory in my life. I just wanted him to suffer. I was done being the victim. When I left him behind, he was the one looking like a loser and a victim. He knew it and I knew it. I cannot emphasize enough that my method was risky and possibly I’ll-advised. Regardless, that’s how I behaved.

Since then, he has contacted me several times. Unsuccessfully. I am aware that he is only trying to reestablish the bond so that he can remain catered for, sexed up and on top of the game. As time goes by, I recall things that I have previously denied. I have been thru all of it. The shame, self doubt, frustration. Now I tell myself that I am the one on top. I came out of it alive. He, however, is still the same friendless, uninteresting piece of shit that he always was. He will never have a good life. In that I find solace. That is my revenge. I don’t care what happens to him from here. There is not one iota of empathy or love left in me that wishes him well. Neither is there no longer a desire for revenge. I have realised that I just don’t care at all. There is light at the end of the tunnel. The person coming out in the light will be shattered and bruised, but you will prevail. But once you do, don’t feel sorry for the narcissist. And don’t feel sorry for yourself either. Be proud that you have moved on and don’t allow this history to define, who you are. Nobody with a normal balanced psyke is prepared for the evil that narcissism brings. That’s why it often takes us so long to react.

I am moving on with my life, looking better than I ever have and feeling as strong as I can remember. I just have to find out why I attracted this man in the first place so that it never happens again. Being a victim just doesn’t work for me. It doesn’t work for most of us. No contact, no remorse, no shame. You can’t explain crazy, so don’t try!
Good luck.

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    Kim Saeed June 25, 2014

    Breathing, what a poignant story! Sounds like you gave him a taste of his own medicine. I am glad to know you came out of it so strong. Wishing you all the best in your continued recovery.

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Carol May 30, 2014

Thank you Kim! Here’s another part. He still has his sofa table here that goes with coffee table, end tables, and dining table. He made it sound like he was doing me a favor by leaving it here so I wouldn’t have to put my lamps on the floor (his words). Truthfully it’s probably because it won’t fit in his small house. He also has his daughters bikes here and some tools and a few items of clothing. I don’t want to see him nor do I not want him to be here if I’m not here. Thought about having a friend drop the stuff off at his house. He lives 45 min from my home. I have seen 2 lawyers. I was smart enough to have a prenup before getting married just because we were getting married so quickly after meeting. I had a 10 yr relationship before him but I ended it b/c I wanted a child and he didn’t. Another thing my husband promised and changed his mind on. Is it normal for a narcissist to want to move so quickly to get married? He really never raised his voice to me but seem to be OCD about how he liked things done. He said he tried to talk to me about things so I should have known he would leave. He never said if things don’t change I will leave. Also, why donu suppose he hasn’t filed yet? Is it because he doesn’t want to look like a bad guy or maybe pay the money? As stupid as i feel to say this, a part of me still loves him and not quite ready to file myself yet.

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Carol May 29, 2014

Kim- my relationship started as a whirlwind. We met online, dated 2 months, he moved into my place,2months later engaged,4 months later married. 8 months after we were married, he had an affair. We went to counseling and we started making it work. Looking back I think he would have left if he had somewhere to go. We were renting his house out and living in mine. He has 2 daughters, paying child support, health insurance etc. this was my first marriage at 42. I have a great career and make good money (more than him although he makes good money too). I helped with all expenses! He had to have the best airplane, the best motorcycle, etc…I’ve been described as in shape, attractive, smart woman. After 2 years, I started to notice it was all about him. I had to tell him no about purchasing other big items because we had college tuition to pay for, braces, etc….he blamed me for not being able to get what he wanted. I started to see he wouldn’t take responsibility or accountability for anything! When I started calling him out on things, he started pulling away and moved out. But he didn’t move out until just after we paid the first year of college tuition, child support was done, and we paid to fix up his house after the renters moved out. Which is where he over back to. The first 2 months, he would find reasons to come by-we would also have sex. One day I snuck in his phone and saw text between him and another woman. They had spent Easter weekend together which happened to be pour 5 year anniversary.. I brought it up and he said “I thought about calling you to go to dinner but then I thought about what a “censored” you have been and the bad boy took over”. It goes on and on. Well it’s been about 2 weeks that I haven’t seen or heard from him. It hurts like hell. I’m seeing a counselor weekly, going to work, working out etc…. I’m just waiting for this feeling of wanting him to pass. My friends can’t understand the emotional crap I’m going through. They keep telling me to file already. It’s been 3 months since he moved out. Just wanted to share my story and ask for suggestions for coping. Part of me wants him to try and come back so I can tell him where to go!

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    Kim Saeed May 30, 2014

    Hi Carol, your feelings are quite normal, especially that he was unfaithful. I just posted an article about grieving. I wish there were an easy way out, but grieving doesn’t really have any shortcuts.

    Try not to talk about your situation with your friends. People who haven’t been in this type of relationship cannot sympathize with you, although they may try. But unless someone’s been through it, they’ll never truly understand. Choose the one person who has been most supportive and stick with them.

    As far as divorce, I think it’s probably worth thinking about. He won’t come back unless he runs out of supply, and even if you tell him where to go, it’ll give him supply in the form of your emotional upheaval. The best revenge towards these people is to remain completely indifferent towards them, even if you are a basket case behind the scenes. Consider blocking him from your phone/email/social networking. Otherwise, you’ll always be in a state of limbo, never really living. It’s best to try to go cold turkey so at least you can start working through your grief and start your life without him.

    P.S. – I have some videos here re: guided meditations, dealing with anxiety, self-esteem. You should check them out if you get the chance. Wishing you all the best. I do offer coaching and consultations if you feel you need some personalized guidance.

    Reply
Reaching May 13, 2014

I too work with my ex narc. He too, is on meth. I don’t know who he is any longer. I have to see him every single day. Some days I hate him. Some days I feel sorry for him. And some days I want to beg for him to come back. His pure lack of care is scary. And yet…I still wonder what he’s up to. When will this yearning ever end?!?

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    Kim Saeed May 18, 2014

    Reaching, it takes a while to recover from this type of relationship. Just remain closed off from him, and little by little, you will begin to make a shift and be able to look at your situation more objectively. Work on your recovery, perhaps with guided meditations and aromatherapy. Pamper yourself. Try not to think about him as much as what you can do to care for yourself. Then, one day you will realize you’re no longer defined by what happened to you and you’ll have no feelings left for him…

    Reply
Lee April 24, 2014

Thank you for replying Kim
I now get help and so do one of my boys the other is older and I can’t make him see yet . All of us disregarded for another family . Every session with my theripist unfolds like a book . He was and is a text book narcissist . I have been in no contact now for 10weeks nothing I don’t answer calls blocked texts do not Facebook stalk (I don’t have fb myself which has been a huge help). I know after 23 years I’m co dependent and like a addict . I’m trying hard to do everything right but my question to you is … I still love him I still care it breaks my heart he is with another and did not choose me . He and the new woman consume my thoughts every minute of the day till I feel like I’m crazy. I understand what has happened to me and accept it I’m actually quite smart (although many wouldn’t think so ). I’ve often feel like ending my own life and all I want is for him to want me back . I don’t know what else I can do I’m doing all the right things yet still the hold on my thoughts and feelings is overwhelming . Please help !!!

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Anonomous April 22, 2014

Hi, I have been in a relationship for two years with someone who I suspect is a narcissist. I had no idea until he broke up with me for reasons he caused seemingly out of boredom, so I hit Google to try and explain the illogical behavior. I did nothing major wrong, maybe was a little dopey as I was tired, but his reaction now seems completely irrational. He hasn’t contacted me since and its the longest we’ve not been in contact since knowing him (though only four days). Because arguments like this happen more and more recently I don’t know if I should move on or just wait for him to come back at some point in the future because I really need closure, to be able to put a stop to the relationship and not worry about moving on just for him to come back.

I feel like its a real struggle for power, and I’m distraught whilst he is most likely coping ok because he thinks he can swoop in and get me back whenever he pleases. I don’t know what to do because I’ve just moved citys away from my social network, and my family never knew anything of him. (long story, his family wouldn’t have agreed with our relationship so he never told them, so neither did i).

I would appreciate some advice as I am finding it difficult to function

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    Kim Saeed April 23, 2014

    Anonymous, usually I wouldn’t be able to form a conclusion or response without more background, but these key points do make it sound as if you bf is a Narcissist: 1) he seems to cause chaos due to nothing but simple boredom, 2) he acts irrationally; he hasn’t contacted you in four days (Silent Treatment), 3) you’re distraught while he seems to be going about his life as though nothing happened, 4) **big one – he moved you away from your support system, 5) your’re finding it difficult to function.

    The fact that his family wouldn’t agree with your relationship and you had to keep it a secret?? This sounds familiar. Without even knowing why, this sounds like a cover-up conspiracy and exactly like something a Narcissist would do. I have to wonder if he has another woman on the side, or is possibly engaged or married. This might explain why you haven’t heard from him in four days. Does he do this often?

    Do you have employment in your new place? I would recommend that you start working on a plan to get back to your hometown. It sounds that you are indeed in the company of a Narcissist. You will never get any closure. That is something you have to give to yourself. I know this from personal experience, my research, and from other people I work with. I know it feels awful right now, but I would recommend learning all you can about Narcissists. Camp out on my site a while, and there are other sites, too, on WordPress. The only difference is, that recovering from Narcissistic abuse goes beyond education. You have to approach it from different angles, which is why I promote guided meditations, essential oils, and energy healing such as Reiki massage, harp healing, and other alternative methods.

    If you have the chance, check out my articles on “No Contact” and heed the advice. There is nothing but more misery to come unless you can detach yourself from the relationship and begin the recovery process…

    Reply
Lee April 10, 2014

I was with my husband 23 years together 28 . Although we separated last year we remained friends . When he wanted slept together etc me thinking he wanted to reconcile . All the while on dating websites until he found a wealthy widow with a high profile job . I was left contemplating taking my own life the pain excruciating as I begged and pleading on the floor (yes you heard right ) to chose me and our family . To be told your making to much noise if you get any louder leave . Then happily skip of to her for dinner and a sleep over . I begged many times over many years as I was thrown away more times than I could ever count . We where emotionally and physically abused (we have children ) he blamed the oldest for everything till he finally left then worked on the youngest . It would constantly make me choose between the children or himself . He is now in the process of love bombing and this woman thinks she has found her soul mate and we are the nasty bitter ones . The pain has been so bad at times I have been in bed all day and unable to function . I am in no contact I ignore block delete . Told to move on he has . Yet contacted my best friend why you’ve moved on ?? Do you think they ever miss or think about their past loyal supply ?? When she dumps him will he then re surface to me ???

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    Kim Saeed April 13, 2014

    Lee,

    It’s very possible that if things don’t work out with the new woman, that he will come back to you. However, would it be in your best interest to let him back in? What effect would it have on your children?

    The best thing you can do is maintain No Contact and if you haven’t already, make an appointment with a counselor. Without knowing more about your situation, I am venturing to say that it seems you might be suffering from depression and/or anxiety issues. It would also be wise to get your children into counseling so that they don’t fall victim to abusive relationships.

    If a friend approaches you with info about the Ex, let them know you aren’t interested in hearing about it because you want to move on. Your Ex is trying to bait you to see if he still has a hold on you. Nip it in the bud. If you have a Domestic Violence center in your area, make an appointment with them so they can offer some helpful resources. They are often good at helping emotional abuse victims…but the first priority is to establish and maintain No Contact. Otherwise, you will not be able to recover and heal.

    Reply
Blind | Debris March 17, 2014

[…] Although I was flying blind at the time, Kim Saeed seems to reinforce what I know in the here and now: […]

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Jaia March 2, 2014

I have to see him often at work. How do you deal with that?

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    Kim Saeed March 5, 2014

    How close are you to your boss? Is it possible for you to request a transfer?

    Reply
      Anonymous March 5, 2014

      No it’s not an option. I know this will pass , it’s just difficult right now.

      Reply
Jaia March 1, 2014

I feel completely broken… It’s been two weeks since a we ended our relationship. I don’t want to believe he’s a narcissist but it’s become so obvious. We work in the same office and even though I hold it together well, I just want to fall apart.
I have convinced myself he’s moved on and just drive myself crazy thinking things in my head. When is this feeling going to end. I just want to move on but it’s so hard. I cry myself to sleep every night and at random times when I’m alone.

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    Kim Saeed March 2, 2014

    Jaia,

    The grieving process is very natural. You will likely feel sad for a while, just as with any relationship.

    However, if this guy is a Narcissist, it may be more difficult detaching yourself from him and from the feelings you’re having. May I ask how long the two of you were together?

    Kim

    P.S. – If he truly is a Narcissist, then the fact that the relationship is over is actually a gift, though it doesn’t seem that way now. The pain you’re feeling would be multiplied if you stayed with him…

    Reply
    Jaia March 2, 2014

    We were only together for 4 months but it felt so much longer. It was really intense. I have to see him a

    Reply
      Anonymous March 2, 2014

      Also – thank you for the response. It means a lot.

      Reply
      Yasmin September 1, 2014

      Jaia. I was with ex narcissist for around the same time as you, and we worked together. It was complicated as I was the other woman, and even now I have no clue how I got involved. I liked him, I felt a connection to him, which was not in the least physical, but a real sense of closeness. My biggest mistake. I told him. Then, he became very invested in strengthening our friendship. I didn’t want to do this, as he was married, and I was not interested at all in an affair, I have stood in much judgement of people who have had affairs, and it just wasn’t on my radar at all. At first he said he would do whatever he could do make things ‘easier’ for me. So I asked him to not text me or call outside of work, which he promised to do. He didn’t. He wouldn’t leave me alone. And due to the fact I already had emotional feelings for him anyway, when he began to pursue me, I wasn’t strong enough to walk away. I had fallen, head over heels, and we began an affair. When he was withdrawing, and playing games, I would literally crawl into work, not knowing how I was going to get through the day. To make it worse, other people had begun to notice our ‘connection’, and I began to pay the price for this deeply. His wife works for the same company, as a prison guard, the same as him, although not based in the same court. So of course, although she never found out, I was bullied, ostracised, and generally felt like something that had dropped off the end of everyones shoe. Including his. I lost my job as a result of this relationship Jaia. And his cruelty emotionally has astounded me. I know its so hard, but if you can possibly get another job, please leave. You wont recover while you are still seeing him everyday. And the pain is truly breathtaking I know. It doesn’t get any better. I have been 5 days no contact, and yes, it has been hard. But I remember the times I was physically throwing up during the beginning knowing he was both married, and not understanding his behaviour. The times I was rolling around in agony with stomach pain, unable to walk, or to eat, a stress reaction to the whole thing, not good, as I already have a past history of colon cancer. I remember the tears, the anxiety of never knowing where I stood with him, and the cruel responses and anger I always got whenever my needs were mentioned. I feel literally as if I have been touched by evil and darkness itself. I never want to hear from him, or see him again. My prayers actually go out to his wife. Some may judge and say I wasn’t considering her when I started seeing her husband, but I loved this man and that was ALL I could see. They have been together for 8 years, and married for 2. She must have know what she was getting in to, but the only thing I can think of is that by the time she agreed to marry him, her self esteem may have been so low, that she just thought it may make things better. I wish you well.xx

      Reply
    Broken April 24, 2014

    That us exactly how I feel and describe my pain. BROKEN. I have been crying for several months daily. My husband discarded me after 13 years for a younger prettier woman.. I have been put through hell since Dec. I feel like a bag of trash. And to top it off I have reason to believe he was putting my life in danger for a reason. Him and his guy friend. He was literally trying to discard me. Long story. But he is on meth which has made his mind and abusive heighten. I am so lost

    Reply
      Kim Saeed April 25, 2014

      Broken, please remember that because she is pretty, doesn’t mean you’re not.

      If this is your first time on my blog, it might benefit you to spend some time looking around under the “Healing” category. I know it needs no explanation, but if your Ex is on Meth and put your life in danger, you are in a much better place without him. What are you doing to take care of yourself?

      Reply
Anita February 18, 2014

Thank god for this website which describes my ex, and the 12 years of hell i spent with him, to a tee. What I saw as his bullying/controling/domineering/abusive behaviour left me on the brink of suicide several times. He left me and our 3 young kids again a month ago when he came into some money (despite the fact I was having a miscarriage) and disappeared to family down the country to show off doing his Mr wonderful routine . With the help of your site I’m determined he won’t be back this time x

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[…] common question that I receive from my readers. In fact, I answered a similar question in December here.  I wish I had good news for you because it seems you still have feelings for him, but the […]

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emergingfromthedarknight December 27, 2013

This explains a lot. Its a hard truth to see they only wanted you when it was convenient for them. In the early stages my ex narc. warned me. He said. I’ll only fuck you up. And then at times he would show an awareness of the pain he caused. But in the end I was to blame. I read on one site that when they discard you its like a swot of the fly off a face. The recovery is hell. I know you’ve been there… And they plant so much doubt in your mind even years later I question. It is alarming how quickly they move on. In the end you mean nothing to them. The sooner you get that and move on the better..

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secretangel December 20, 2013

Awesome post.

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idiotwriter December 20, 2013

You just KEEP sending out these reminders to folk Kim – you ARE fantastic!
You have such an incredible way of hitting the point spot on that it is clear as a bell clanging above our heads – LOVE your writing style in these posts – ( but your stories are hecticly cool too…just a little reminder 😉 )

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    Kim Saeed December 20, 2013

    Why thank you! It’s really a boost when I get these awesome comments. I feel like I’ve been nominated for an Oscar or something 🙂 Honestly, they keep me going…

    Reminder noted 🙂

    Reply
      idiotwriter December 20, 2013

      Jolly GOOD then! Keeping going is ALWAYS GOOD 😀

      Reply
bethbyrnes December 19, 2013

Oh yes, they move on but come back to you whenever they need a companion or are bored. As usual, Kim, you are right on the money.

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    Kim Saeed December 20, 2013

    Thanks for the encouragement, Beth 🙂

    Reply
L D December 19, 2013

Wow, thanks for that Kim…especially the last line.

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    Kim Saeed December 19, 2013

    I thank YOU for stopping by, LD! Always good to see you here 🙂

    Reply
navigator1965 December 19, 2013

You give me strength, Kim. I pledge not to be “that woman.” (Caveat: pledge not applicable under the influence of rum.) };-)>

Good post. Sometimes a sense of humour is a difficult thing to suppress. Do forgive me.

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    Kim Saeed December 19, 2013

    I’m totally okay with a rum-infused musing…besides, I like a good sense of humor 🙂

    Reply
      navigator1965 December 19, 2013

      🙂

      Reply
      amanda December 19, 2015

      My fiance left me the other day this is the 9th time in two years he left and came back…now he’s gone and idk what I did but he’s going on fb posting how happy he is…he said he left me cause my kids r to hyper but then he cones back…please give me some strong under standing why this is happening

      Reply
    Connie January 19, 2015

    Does it get better. I cry a lot and don’t know why. I am 67 and totally afraid of being alone

    Reply
      Anonymous December 29, 2015

      Its me, Connie. Been almost a year since I posted that comment. YES, it does get better. I am on my own and loving it. I don’t even really want to date. I do as I please. He, lol, is homeless. New girl kicked him out and hes with a relative. HO HO HO

      Reply
      Connie December 29, 2015

      It’s me again, Connie, YES it does get better. Been almost a year since that post. I am living alone and loving it. He, HO HO HO, is homeless. New one kicked him to the curb and hes with his daughter.

      Reply
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