How to Spot a Narcissist

By Kim Saeed | Break-Ups

Dec 26

One of the most popular search terms on Google regarding Narcissism is How to Spot a Narcissist.  The reader is then given pages of numerous links to delve into, all with the hopes of avoiding these real-life vampires.  But there is one problem; you can’t really spot a Narcissist…at least not when it matters.  They are con artists and have been fooling people for years.

Another sad irony is that people don’t recognize there’s a need to “spot a narcissist” until they have already started losing their sense of self after being in a relationship with one.  You probably went most of your life without realizing these people even existed and you are now reading this article because you’re way past the phase of spotting one.  You’ve already fallen victim to one’s abuse.

You can’t make sense of the conflicting statements and the sudden put-downs by your partner.  You want to find out why your partner is cheating, lying, talking badly about you behind your back, making you feel unattractive and unworthy, giving you the silent treatment, making you feel crazy, and taking so much while giving nothing in return.

The more appropriate search terms would be:  verbal and/or emotional abuse; emotional blackmail; toxic relationship; pathological lying; selfish partner; dysphoria; repetition compulsion; manipulation…It’s much like going to WebMD, typing in your symptoms, and finding a possible diagnosis.  You don’t know there’s a problem until you start feeling sick.  That’s when you stumble upon the word Narcissist.

You read tons of articles regarding the traits of a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  What you don’t realize at first is that the traits listed in the DSM aren’t specific enough.  The medical descriptions only leave you more confused.  Even worse, the material from medical journals and books written by psychologists and people with PhDs suggest there is a way to live alongside a person with NPD if you know how their mind functions and why they act the way they do.

This is one of the occasional instances where the medical community is giving out erroneous information.  When it comes to Narcissistic abuse, you need to read accounts from people who have been through it and survived.  This enables you to find out exactly why you feel so confused, crazy, and unworthy.  You will understand that there is absolutely no way to make a relationship with a narcissist work.  It will become clear that the only way back to yourself, and back to sanity, is to leave them.

Then comes the challenge of escaping the relationship.  It feels impossible to do.  Why?  Because they have brainwashed you from day one and used your brain chemistry to make you addicted to them.  The reason you want them back is because in the beginning of the relationship, your body was awash in feel-good peptides.  You fell in love and saw the world in a beautiful light.  You want to go back to that stage when you were ecstatic and innocent.

But, it can never happen.

That was your reality, not the Narcissist’s.  It only appeared that they were in love when the fact is they played you like a violin.  It was all part of a strategic, intentional plan to hook you in and use you solely for their benefit.  Not because you deserve it; not because you are weak.  It’s because they will spend their entire life existing in this way.  If not you, it will certainly be someone else.

So, if you’ve stumbled upon this article because you want to know “How to Spot a Narcissist”, you can save yourself a lot of time, heartache, and dignity by learning “How to go No Contact”.  It’s the first step toward your freedom, recovery, and healing.

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