A Prayer for Those Diagnosing the Narcissist

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Jan 10

Dear Lord/ Allah/ Buddha/Universe/Source,

Please help all the suffering souls out there who have unknowingly let a Narcissist into their hearts and lives.

And, please help the ones who want to escape find a way to do so…

Let them know that regardless of what all the books out there written by MDs, PhDs, LCSWs, and MEds say, there is no way to live or “make it work” with a Narcissist.

Allow people who have become the target of a Narcissist realize that 99% of full-blown Narcissists will NEVER be professionally diagnosed with a personality disorder.

Help the world see that it doesn’t require professional credentials to understand that another person is manipulative, controlling, condescending, cruel, a pathological liar, ruthless, malicious, sadistic, and in some cases, homicidal – whether covertly or outwardly.

Give victims help when they suffer humiliation upon suggesting to their disordered partner that they go with them to counseling…because, as You know, they will be ridiculed, raged at, manipulated, and mocked.

Help them in their time of need when, after following the relationship suggestions they found in a book, they suffer the worst character attacks to date.

Help the psychological community realize they are doing damage to peoples’ lives by insinuating there are ways to make things better with a person with NPD, or worse, that their lives can be “more fulfilling”, if they simply change their approach.

Help those who have gotten their disordered partner into “therapy”, only to appear to be the one who needs help due to the covert emotional and psychological abuse they’ve endured, and because the therapist cannot detect the truth of the matter.

Please let those with a background in Psychology help spread the awareness that the chances of winning the lottery are much higher than getting a person with NPD to acknowledge or admit they have a disorder.

Let the authors who have written books about “living with a Narcissist” realize they are contributing to more abuse and instilling false hope when they suggest to victims that there is a “better way of living” with a Narcissist.

Let victims know that when they see the words “Professional” and “Reassuring” in a book title regarding Narcissist Personality Disorder, they should read it with caution.

Let the psychological community realize that no amount of psychological/academic knowledge about NPD or how the Narcissist “got that way” can prepare anyone to live with a person who has the disorder.

Help the world understand that the same “risk factors” that supposedly cause someone to develop NPD also happen to other people, yet other people develop into compassionate, caring, loving human beings (who are codependent).   “Defense mechanisms” or not, Narcissism is ultimately a choice of free will.

Help victims realize that regardless of what “kind” of Narcissist they have as a partner, if they feel that their soul is slowly being killed, they should plan a way to leave the relationship.

Help victims acknowledge that the Narcissist will not change, so they must change, and that doesn’t include tolerating more abuse.  It means leaving the relationship and going No Contact (or Limited Contact in the case of co-parenting).

Help the psychological community understand that we need to stop making excuses for Narcissists and start holding them accountable for their actions; that they should stop rallying around the “it takes two” approach when victims present with symptoms of emotional trauma.

Give victims the courage to acknowledge that one person’s “defense mechanisms” should not cost another person their soul…

Amen

**Please note that there are psychologists who are very skilled in detecting narcissism and helping victims of narcissistic abuse.  However, they are very difficult to find.  If you feel your therapist’s services are not helping you, you should consider finding a new one.  

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(27) comments

Laurie August 18, 2016

Amen! I am currently working on my bachelor degree in Psychology. I am currently going through this traumatic issue.There is not enough info to prepare for what the heart,mind,body &soul can comprehend & accept when you think I am smarter than this .No way I didn’t spot this until 5 years later you’re looking back an dying inside and saying “How could u?”Why did u?” Thank you Kim your site has helped me more than I can tell you.If I survive this and I can move on.You Ms.Saeed have changed how I will counsel in the future! Thanks so much.

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    Kim Saeed August 23, 2016

    Thank you, Laurie, for your kind praise. I am very happy to know my work has helped you and I wish you all the best in your endeavors regarding your Psychology career!

    Kim

    Reply
Mika December 14, 2015

I need a therapist that Isabel to help with narcissistic abuse. You wouldn’t believe what my path has looked like in trying to find a counselor. I’m moving to Denver soon. Please message me if you know of anyone.

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AH April 30, 2015

Kim, thank you for the beautiful prayer.

“Please let one person with a background in Psychology come out and admit that the chances of winning the lottery are much higher than getting a person with NPD to acknowledge or admit they have a disorder.”

I’ll say it. I have an MA in psych, and although I am not a clinician, I have some background in clinical. The clinicians I know would agree with that statement, too. But, yes, there are those not trained well in this area, and if folks run into this, it would wise to find someone else who is more well-versed.

I used to teach. When we were on the topic of NPD, sometimes students would start to feel sorry for those with NPDers…and my caution to them that it if they were going to feel sorry for tem they had better do it from a distance, because if the got too close, the NPDer would destroy them. Hopefully this got the point across.

Amen.

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    Kim Saeed April 30, 2015

    Thank you for sharing that, AH, and also for your kind encouragement <3

    Reply
Anonymous April 5, 2015

Hello,Thanks a many for this wonderful prayer for all and especially the victims. It defiantly hurts a lot to know that a person you love the most happen to be a narcissist… but God gives strength to stand up. God bless All…

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Anonymous February 19, 2015

i have been court ordered to therapy because of my 35 yr marriage to one, everybody knows him as a nice guy, he drove me to insanity and suicidal at times, i will never trust again. he took all but my soul. very type of abuse there is, he did, and i am the one tagged with a mental illness, i think all mental health people should know how to help us with this, i get no solid therapy, week after week, going, telling them what happened this week, no contact makes it worse for me, cuz i fear him so bad, i have no support from the small town i live in, the cop does nothing.

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    Kim Saeed February 21, 2015

    Someone, finding a good therapist who knows about narcissistic abuse is very difficult. In fact, lack of properly-trained clinical professionals is by far the biggest impediment to survivor’s recovery.

    Some others who have been in your shoes have found that the “geographic cure” was the best therapy for them. In other words, they packed up and moved to a place where their pathological Ex wouldn’t bother them.

    Reply
melissa January 19, 2015

This was good for me to read tonight. My mother in law has already alienated most of her children…no one spends their actual holidays with her. However we did for years and we put up with a constant barrage of annoying things..mostly little…some rather large, but easily explained away. I thought I realized why she had difficult relationships (she was a weirdo/odd/strange). I felt bad for her. I tried to help her. I forced my husband to do more things for her than he would have on his own even though she constantly pissed him off with stuff I thought was…no big deal. What I got in return was her trying to break up our relationship (it is a long story) and then created a whole week of crazy drama the week before our wedding (trying to make sure it didn’t happen) (our wedding approx 14 months ago…still dealing with fall out (I don’t think I will ever feel whole again)). I put us right in the eye of the storm, I feel a lot of guilt from this. I also feel like some people including my own mother judge us for going no contact (oh yeah she did that, but you need to forgive, but what is the harm in visiting, or going to see her at christmas). (My mother’s defending her is almost as if not more painful than what this horrible monster attempted to do to me) I told my husband that she ate my soul and I’ll never be the same (he said she didn’t eat all of it). His siblings either live hours away, haven’t seen her in 30 years or are stuck with her right in our back yard (to deal with her constant dramas). After how she behaved the week of the wedding I realized that she didn’t have boundaries or limits to the levels she was willing to go and that is why we went no contact, because we have no idea of what she is actually capable.

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    Kim Saeed January 20, 2015

    Melissa, you did the right thing in going No Contact. As you can see, even her own children have done the same thing. The reason you feel guilty is because you are using your own personality to judge the effects of cutting someone out of your life…meaning, you would never do that to another person because you are obviously very caring. But, your MIL doesn’t seem to be a “normal” person, so you’ve done what you had to do to save your sanity and possibly your marriage. If possible, don’t talk to your mom anymore about the situation. Only because unless someone has gone through an experience with a Narcissist or other psychopath, they just cannot relate, nor have any idea of how much damage it does to us psychologically.

    Hold your ground and try to only talk to people who can sympathize, not judge.

    Reply
melisa December 2, 2014

This is awesome I have finally realized today after 5 years, that my guy friend that liked me for 5 years and this year told me that wanted to date , has been narcissistic all this time and i had no idea i just thought it was his personality and he also told me he doesn’t know what is going on inside his head, why he can’t feel love or why he is so mean and unemphatic and he doesn’t know he is being mean, he said he didn’t realized he was so closed up inside himself, everything he said to me didn’t make sense at all until i read about Narcissistic disorder, which it was today.
And now everything makes sense……. and I realized he was true when he said he feels messed up and then he ignores me and then suddenly begs for my attention, sadly i got used to this and always expected to get just material gifts from him, but now i realize i can do better than that and finally admit that it is time to move on, for the good, although i have tried doing it but he says he will manage to find me, it sounds scary a bit, he lives in Hong Kong and i live in Shenzhen, China, a city that is 1 hour from Hong Kong, i will finish university next year and maybe it will be hard to cut contact since he says he never wants to stop seeing me, never, and that he doesn’t like other girl, it is like a trap because he knows i like him too, but now i know i can avoid him and i hope i can handle this thing better for my own good, i do feel sorry for him because he has no idea what is going on, he just lives his life like an empty person, he gives me what i want but he also ignores me for long periods and then looks for me, he says he trusts me a lot and even gave me the key to his place, but at the same time doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship, and now i know why. Thanks for this a lot, i will try to learn from this and try to make things better. My story with him is so complex and made me think so much that now i feel relieved that i know what is going on allllllll thiss timeee. THANKS! a LOT!

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Zoe Belle November 8, 2014

Finally… someone who ‘gets it’. Thank you x

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amildcaseofdeath October 31, 2014

Reblogged this on A Mild Case Of Death and commented:
If you want to help someone, you need to help them how they need to be helped, not how you just think they need to be helped. Amen.

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amildcaseofdeath October 31, 2014

Wow! This is perfect! Exactly! Have been having a hard day, reading things all day for reassurance and this helped a lot! Thank you! 🙂

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    Kim Saeed November 1, 2014

    Thank you for letting me know my blog has been helpful. It means so much <3

    Reply
aishasoasis January 10, 2014

Omg this is exactly my 1st marriage! I just wrote about it in a post tonight! http://aishasoasis.wordpress.com/2014/01/10/ep-8-joyride-to-egypt-ive-got-mail/

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ScrapperJude Designs January 10, 2014

I nominated you for the I’m Not Featured on Freshly Pressed Award. You can find the rules on my site.

Reply
    Kim Saeed January 13, 2014

    I am truly honored…not only for receiving this award, but that you read my blog. I’ve read your story and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers in these days ahead. Good luck on publishing your book.

    Blessings and hugs,

    Kim

    Reply

[…] A Prayer for Those Diagnosing the Narcissist. […]

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dianaiannarone January 10, 2014

Great job!!! I wanted to applaud through every word! I give you a standing ovation!

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dianaiannarone January 10, 2014

This is absolutely fantastic! I wanted to applaud! STANDING OVATION, great job.

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    Kim Saeed January 10, 2014

    Thank you, Diana! It’s so nice to receive encouragement from you 🙂

    Reply
Dawn January 10, 2014

I am so deeply moved by your prayer, and I am praying along with you. I have to admit that your words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for caring about all of us who have been hurt and betrayed by narcissists in our lives.

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    Kim Saeed January 10, 2014

    Dawn, thank you for your very meaningful comment. I know what it’s like to have a Narcissist as a partner, and also how hard it is to leave, which results in years of emotional abuse that is absolutely unnecessary.

    I feel for people like yourself because all anyone wants is to be loved and accepted, but that never happens with a Narcissist. These parasites are destroying the lives of innocent people and it’s my mission to create awareness in a meaningful way that helps people move on apart from the Narcissist and not give the false hope that there can be a future with them. Thank you again for stopping by…hugs.

    Reply

Amen! Great post! Be blessed.

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