The Gift in the Curse…

By Kim Saeed | Heal Your Heart & Mind

Jan 10

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(4) comments

Anonymous January 12, 2014

Through dating two severely narcissistic men, I am learning to dispel some unhealthy and untrue beliefs about myself from my childhood. I dated two very narcissistic men for about ten years time. I was also raised by a very narcissistic and maybe psychopathic abuser father. I know he was very disordered, but also showed me a lot of “love”. I grew up trauma bonded to my father, and learned to take a lot of discomfort in primary relationships.I also was left with very distorted feelings about myself which I have carried within my whole life.

The first narcissist was a psychology professor, and a doctor. He would criticize me until I cried, then told me that made him feel closer to me. After 7 years I was D&D’d. I was dumbfounded, and blindsided, I did not know what narcissism was then, and because he was a psychologist, obviously an expert on my “flaws” which I felt I had in abundance. That relationship destroyed me emotionally, and I felt like I was dying when he discarded me. Luckily I found a church and two people selflessly gave of their time each week in healing me spiritually over the course of many months. They saved my life. The second narcissist, I knew in high school, and had always felt a very strong pull towards. He got me easily in a relationship, and I was love bombed at first, but not too long after the subtle digs and cuts began. I saw through them from the beginning, but did not want to leave because I had such a strong, fated feeling towards him. LIes, addictions, other women in the picture, but he was very good at downplaying everything that I was suspect of. I left several times but kept coming back. He never wanted to let me go, so this time I was not D&D’d.

Thank goodness. I kept some dignity by leaving him first. I am no contact now. What all of this has led me to is a new realization of my patterns in relationship.I think I am going to start to look at my upbringing even more closely and heal from the distorted ugly truths of the ways my sister and I were treated and brainwashed growing up. SO, for me there is a silver lining.

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    Kim Saeed January 12, 2014

    Whoa…a Narcissist Psychologist. I can’t even begin to imagine the torment you must have endured.

    Kudos on the No Contact. I am with you in realizing that my childhood played a big part in my developing a co-dependent personality. I think this deepens the trauma-bond that’s created with our n. abuser. I think it boils down to wanting desperately to be accepted while failing to establish any boundaries.

    I wish you the very best in your healing and journey back to self 🙂

    Reply
Gede Prama January 12, 2014

Dear friend, Thank you very much, I was really happy to have been following your blog. I’m still a lot to figure out, and here I can only say that you are an awesome blogger, full Inspiring and hope you can inspire more readers. Thanks and greetings compassion from Gede Prama 🙂

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    Kim Saeed January 12, 2014

    Thank you very much, Gede. I visited your blog today and found it very encouraging. I’m so glad you stopped by and introduced yourself. Happiness and blessing to you, friend 🙂

    Reply
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