Communicating With a Narcissist

By Kim Saeed | Narcissism

Jan 11

~ Its’ No Use

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(11) comments

Mich-in-French January 12, 2014

I think your blog is great Kim and the advice and encouragement you give to those who are struggling in this space is so valuable. For this reason I am nominating your for an award – which I do hope you will accept.

http://lessonsinfrench.wordpress.com/2014/01/12/shauny-award-for-blogging-excellence/

😉

Reply
    Kim Saeed January 13, 2014

    Wow. This is truly an honor! Thank your for this exciting nomination. I will work on my nominees in the days ahead.

    I really enjoy your blog and your commentary on being given the same lesson(s) over and over. I have been feeling the same sentiment for the last several months. I hope this year I can break the cycle and rise above into a whole new realm…and I hope the same for you 🙂

    Reply
      Mich-in-French January 14, 2014

      Such a pleasure Kim, you deserve it.

      This is a new year – with great new possibilities.

      I am ever hopeful x

      Reply
Fellow Survivor January 11, 2014

Logic and Reason. That is what drove me so bat a– crazy. Logic and Reason aren’t in their vocabulary. And yes, there were many times I apologized for her bad behavior. Its just crazy making. There were so many times my daughter and I would look at each other and make the crazy motion, you know, where you point your finger at your head and do the twirling motion.

I am not happy in my current state of mind but I wasn’t when I was with her either. So at least I still have a shot at happiness after I get through this.

Reply
    Healing January 11, 2014

    Hi Fellow, You will get through it, I promise! Yes, just accept that they cannot comprehend logic and reason and go only by their feelings of the moment. My ex used to say “If it wasn’t true then why do I FEEL it?” Dared I answer that with all the choice ways I could have? No, I didn’t. They are stuck in a very age-regressed state -I’ve heard 6 years old but it seems younger…like infantile…going only by feelings and expecting Mommy to intuit their every need and you are bad if you don’t. I think their brains are actually missing the neuropathways (or whatever you call it!) that you develop as an older child when you learn logic and reason. Yet, in the workplace they pull it off brilliantly (my ex is a software developer!) but the minute they get into an intimate relationship I think they subconsciously replace us with their primary caretakers in their minds and we are just there to serve them and adore them. Sorry you are going through it. It really does get better. Be thankful you are out of there! Hope your daughter is faring well.

    Reply
      Kim Saeed January 12, 2014

      Indeed, by the time you’ve morphed yourself to placate them, they’ve already changed the rules. No logic, no reason. Their needs change from day to day, depending on what they’ve decided it takes to “look good”. You’re spot on about us turning into primary caretakers. It’s literally the equivalent of caring for an adult-sized baby…they are waiting for us to bring them a bottle and spoon-feed them. Thank goodness no diapers or baby wipes are involved…although I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a Narc out there who literally expects their target to wipe their hiney for them.

      Reply
Kim13 January 11, 2014

And can’t begin to count the number of times I have had the same conversations…I just don’t bother anymore.

Reply
    Kim Saeed January 12, 2014

    I can relate…I remember feeling just like the poor little bulldog in this pic.

    Reply
Healing January 11, 2014

OH MY GOSH, YES!!! SO TRUE! Except the killer is that then they turn it around and blame you for the conversation going nowhere and how you must just be a “bad match” because you are not able to communicate well with each other. My ex said trying to communicate with me raised his blood pressure. I assure you I never once verbally abused this man. It was all one way and I just took it and would softly try to talk logic and reason. This particular comment came after I sent an email where I followed advice from a book asking very politely and in a non-blaming way for him to treat me with respect and not namecall and mock anymore. There is no good way to talk with them because they don’t talk with you…they talk AT you and your only job in their eyes is to agree with everything they say and apologize for their actions. He wanted me to validate every crazy thing he said but the moment I tried to talk I would either be verbally abused or hung up on. I used to think if I modeled the right way of being he would catch on. It doesn’t happen. I think it only makes them feel more entitled. Great post, Kim. Thanks for the work you do. It’s very validating to the victims out there. :).

Reply
    Kim Saeed January 12, 2014

    Healing…I see what happened. You said you softly tried to talk logic and reason. To him, that was the equivalent of hearing Japanese. That’s why his blood pressure went up. “Logic and Reason” is a language they don’t understand. Besides, he wanted to bleet on about himself without accepting any accountability.

    Reply
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