When it comes to researching Narcissistic behaviors, “lying” is one that tops the charts. Women and men all over the world are catching on to their abusive partner’s game, and they want to gain some advantage.
Only, the sad truth of the matter is, there is no practical method to determine if a Narcissist is lying. One won’t be able to tell by observing the Narcissist. There is no point in trying to read their body language or watch the movement of their eyes. A Narcissist would probably pass a polygraph because they’ve become so adept at lying. In many cases, they believe their own lies.
The only logical way to approach the issue is to use past data to make a hypothesis. For instance, anyone who’s been with a Narcissist for a lengthy amount of time would be able to deduce, based on past physical data, that his or her Narcissistic partner lies approximately 80-90% of the time.
The only time a Narcissist will tell the truth is when they will benefit from doing so. E.g.:
- My car won’t start; can you give me a ride to work?
- Your Aunt Grace’s chocolate chess pie is fantastic! (In order that Aunt Grace may prepare another one for him/her later).
- I’m going to be late for my appointment. Will you fix my coffee, prepare my breakfast, iron my outfit, and start the car?
- I’m not very good at paperwork. Will you update my resume and perform a job search for me? (They don’t want the responsibility because typically, they won’t stay at the job for long, anyhow).
However, even the above scenarios which seem innocent and convincing, could be based on lies:
- The chocolate pie that he’s trying to wheedle from Aunt Grace? It’s entirely possible that he plans to offer the pie to his side-supply because she mentioned she loves chocolate pie, and will add that he made it himself.
- The appointment he’s supposedly late for? He may have plans to meet a potential new partner, or one he’s been seeing a while. The kicker? You’re the one putting in all the effort so he can traipse off to someone else’s bed.
- The resume and job search? It’s possible that he wants to give the appearance of having landed a job when the truth could be…he is traveling every day to other lovers…or just to the coffee shop, another town, etc. Anything that is fun and reduces their boredom.
Narc-check: I once knew of a Narcissist who’d go to his partner every year with the personal property bill for their car. He always had an excuse as to why he couldn’t pay it. Since his partner was the one who held steady employment, she always paid the bill. It was later discovered that the Narcissist told his sister, brother, and parents the same thing in regards to not being able to foot the bill. So, for a $400 bill, he would come away with $1200 in his pocket.
There is absolutely no way to ever really know if a Narcissist is telling the truth. Unlike you and me, they don’t see the necessity in it. In fact, honesty is a foreign concept to them and one reserved for chumps. In their mind, life is a game and the only goal is to win.
3 Examples of Lies Told by the Narcissist
- Criticizing – Narcissists tend to believe that others are jealous of them in all cases. However, the truth is, they are the jealous ones. In order to steal the spotlight from someone who is attractive, well-off financially, or is being recognized for something they did, the Narcissist will criticize and tell lies about that person. The forums are full of beautiful, attractive, successful people who feel ugly and worthless due to the endless false criticism they received from a Narcissistic partner.
Narcissists are able to successfully criticize other people to the point of detriment because they do it in a way that comes across as genuine. For example, during a smear campaign they are waging against someone, they will make their concerns seem valid…much in the way that political opponents do right before Election Day.
- Gaslighting – This is an intentional form of brainwashing meant to erode the victim’s sense of reality. There is really nothing off limits when it comes to this subtle form of abuse.
One of the most common gaslighting tactics is to insist they didn’t say something that you heard them say with your own ears. If you call them out on it, they will pretend that you heard them wrong, they were just joking, or you perceived it the wrong way. This is usually followed up by, “You are the only person who misunderstands me”.
Gaslighting can also consist of their taking, stealing, and moving objects of importance to the victim. Examples: car keys, cell phones, money, receipts, business cards, heirlooms, and toys that belong to the children. In more insidious cases, they will hide or get rid of medications the victim needs in order to function and live, while insisting the victim lost them.
- Plain Ole Lies – “I fed the cat” (when they didn’t), “I don’t have any money”(when they have a bill to pay and don’t want to), “Even your friends think you’re crazy” (to make you feel alone and isolated), “You’re friend has never liked me” (to convince you to get rid of the friend), “I was at the gym” (when they were with a lover), “I’ve always been faithful to you” (when they have other lovers on the side), etc. Again, there are no limits with a Narcissist when it comes to lying. They have no qualms about involving other family members or even their own children. This is what makes them so dangerous.
The fact that you’re reading this article probably means you have discovered your partner is a bold liar. This is the only thing that will remain constant in a relationship with a Narcissist. Therefore, you must always assume the worst in this respect.
How do you know when a Narcissist is lying? Usually, when their lips are moving and sound is coming out.
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