Dear Kim – Will the Narcissist Come Back to Me?

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Feb 11
Q&A Tuesday

Dear Kim,

My fiancé and I broke up recently because of his verbal abuse and other girlfriend.  I am having a very hard time right now. He texted me a few times today and everything seemed fine.  I waited a few hours after we last texted and sent him another message and he didn’t respond. I called him and he didn’t answer. I haven’t heard back from him and I don’t understand what is going on or why he started ignoring me.  Do you think there’s a chance he will come back since he texted me?

Thank you for any input you can give me.

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

I am going off the assumption that you believe your ex-fiancé might be a Narcissist based on the fact that he has been verbally abusive and having an affair with another woman.

This is a very common question that I receive from my readers. In fact, I answered a similar question here.  I wish I had good news for you because it seems you still have feelings for him, but the prognosis isn’t good.  However, the answer to the question, “Will he come back”, actually lies in your hands.

What he is doing is a “check-in” of sorts that Narcissists perform in order to see if you will take the bait.  While it seems promising from your end, on his end he just wondered if he still had control over you and decided to run a little test.  While you sit around literally dying for another response from him, he’s already gone back to whatever he was doing, which may include the new woman.

Since you gave him the green light by responding and acting as if everything was normal, he already has the answer he needs and won’t be back in touch until he’s bored or things get shaky with the new girlfriend.  In fact, he may just come back for no other reason than to prove to himself that he still has you under his spell.

Further, it’s a strategic move they make to maintain the ante in their game.  You see, since the two of you broke up over his actions, he is throwing out a few crumbs to give you hope of a reconciliation.  You may be so consumed with missing him, that you’re probably not thinking about the real reason the two of you broke up in the first place.

Since he is texting and you are replying, it’s highly likely that he will come back at some point.  The real question is will you let him?

If he is verbally abusive and cheating on you before you’re even married, what kind of future will that bring?  This is the perfect time for you to block him from all methods of communication and work on getting back into a place of personal power.

No person deserves the treatment you received from him.  If you want love in your life, you should open yourself up to it, but not to someone who will viciously use it for their own benefit.  Go No Contact with this guy; pamper yourself for a little while, and when the time is right, real love will come to you like the proverbial butterfly on your shoulder.


Do you have a burning question about your partner’s dubious behaviors?  Submit them to support@letmereach.com and your question will be entered into our database and possibly included in a future publication. 

No Contact Coaching & Mentoring services are available.  Click here to learn more.

© Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach, 2014

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