Dear Kim – Do Narcissists use Private Investigators?

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Apr 30
Q&A Tuesday

You bet your sweet bippy they do.  If they have extra money at their disposal or can get it from a family member, your privacy will become a thing of the past.

And it wouldn’t merely consist of their getting a few shots of you entering the local Target.  Following is a true story showcasing what can happen if your Ex has you followed by a PI ( or alternately, if they’re tech-savvy enough to do it on their own):

Nina was married with a young son.  She told everyone in her family that she was being emotionally/financially abused, controlled, and manipulated by her husband.  After remaining consistent with her story, she took her son one day while her husband was at work and absconded to another country – one where parental kidnapping is not an issue.

No one heard from her except for the occasional plea for money to support her son.  She sent a few pictures of him in order to garner sympathy, and it became apparent that her son seemed emotionally stunted.  His face showed no affect, and everyone grew concerned for him.  He never smiled in any of the pictures she sent.

Flash forward about a year and a half.  It was discovered that Nina had sneaked into the US in order to start a case against her Ex-husband to obtain child support and half of her Ex’s properties and other material wealth.  It was at this time that her Ex hired a Private Investigator – one who didn’t mind bending the rules a little.

Whether Nina’s stories of emotional abuse and manipulation were true, no one will ever know.  However, a lot was learned about Nina’s private life.  Spyware was downloaded on her computer and cell phone, and she was under physical surveillance during the week. 

It was discovered that Nina had chosen to support herself by becoming a call girl.  Images and snap shots of her having cyber-sex with various people were relayed to her Ex, as well as documentation of her having frequent male visitors to her residence.  All of her computer activity – including live chat, instant messaging, Voo Loo, Skype, emails, etc. –  began circulating between the PI and members of the Ex-husband’s family.  Large deposits were made to her bank account.  Voice mails left on her cell phone made it clear she was seeing multiple men at the same time. 

As incriminating as this evidence was, it was only circumstantial.  However, Nina’s stories of being a victim became less credible, and it was further discovered that she was neglecting her son.  She lost him twice while gabbing with neighbors.  Her son was found wandering the city both times.  Additionally, she often left her apartment and locked her son in his bedroom so she could go about her business, which included late-night jaunts to night clubs.

At the age of four, her son wasn’t talking.  It became clear to all involved that she wasn’t getting him the medical attention he so desperately needed, instead choosing to spend whatever money she had on Botox and fillers, gym memberships, and going out. This information was extracted from emails to her friends.

Using the incriminating evidence regarding Nina’s neglect of her son, her Ex staged his own kidnapping, and successfully got his son to another country.  All with the help of the PI, thus eliminating her ability to use her son as a meal ticket. 

Last anyone heard, Nina was rubbing elbows with drug dealers as a source of income…

**While this particular story took an ironic twist, it gives you a clear idea of what is possible if your Ex or current partner hires a Private Investigator or is capable of planting spyware themselves. It’s also a great example of the typical female narcissist.

Do you have a burning question about your partner’s dubious behaviors?  Submit them to and your question will be entered into our database and possibly included in a future publication. 

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© Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach, 2014


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