All across the internet, people are searching the topic of Narcissists and their relationship with money. Typically, each type of Narcissist uses money for a specific agenda, which I have outlined below.
When it comes to money, there are generally three types of Narcissistic tendencies:
1) The Moocher – If this particular Narcissist manages to stick it out long enough to get a college degree, it eventually becomes useless because this Narcissist destroys all opportunities in their field due to a sketchy job history and their propensity to leave at the drop of a hat. They struggle with staying employed because they cannot tolerate authority figures, seeing any sort of constructive criticism or feedback as a personal attack. They are the ones that often find a way to go out on disability and/or take advantage of government assistance, along with deceiving various family members and partners.
They keep a running ledger in their mind for any (and I mean ANY) amount of money they spend on you. My friend Carrie, from Ladywithatruck, said her Ex once gave her an itemized invoice for things he felt she owed him, including forty-five cents he’d chipped in when she’d bought a slushy. Yes, they are that despicable.
Due to their sense of entitlement, they feel they are entitled to other people’s money, too. I once knew a Narcissist who would make hundreds of dollars after receiving a bill for their personal property taxes. They’d go to their partner claiming it was said partner’s responsibility to pay, then they’d also tell a sob story to their two siblings about how they just couldn’t keep paying for everything, and would get the total from each of them, as well. So, for a five-hundred dollar tax bill, the Narc came out one-thousand dollars ahead.
When you read forums and chat boards where victims of Narcissistic abuse were drained of all of their finances, they are referring to this type of Narcissist. The victim is the one who ends up paying all the bills such as rent, utilities, car payments, vacations, and everything else while their Narcissistic partner lays out of work and plays hop-scotch with employers until finally, they either succeed at getting disability for some bogus condition, or end up as a car salesman or selling supplemental policies for Aflac. Alternately, they speak of starting a business that never finds its way into creation.
While they’ve never owned their own home or signed a lease for an apartment, they almost always have flashy cars and wear designer clothes. They want everyone to think they are wealthy, classy, and tasteful, but once someone falls for this type of Narcissist, they realize it’s all a cover-up.
2) The Dollar Lama – Makes moderate to high-level income and uses it as a weapon. Usually, these Narcissists are male, and convince their wife, fiancé, or girlfriend to leave her career in order to help him out at home or in his business. He derives his sense of power and authority through making his partner financially dependent on him by convincing her she doesn’t need to work, have a bank account, or have access to money. Of course, it all seems convincing when the Narcissist suggests he will take care of her, but it only takes a short while to get this Narc’s ticket.
If he does agree to let her be a joint owner on any accounts, he scours the finances with a fine-toothed comb. She cannot spend five dollars without asking his permission, otherwise there is Hell to pay. He destroys any self-esteem she has by reminding her that she is “living off of him” and that she would likely not be hired anywhere again. He often threatens his partner with withdrawal of resources. And he will often make good on this when she’s most counting on them being there. If his partner doesn’t comply with his impossible demands, he cuts off her cell phone, leaves her without gas money, constantly threatens to kick her out of their shared residence, and will even fire her if she’s on the payroll.
By the time the relationship comes to an end, his partner feels unemployable because she’s worked for him for years, has no real resume, and she can’t obtain a recommendation.
3) The Maestro of Deafening Silence – Makes a lot of money and thinks it’s their only obligatory contribution to the relationship. Coincidentally, this type is usually associated with highly educated Narcissists with careers such as CEO, MD, Attorney, Psychologist, and so on.
This type of Narcissist buys their partner and their children lavish homes/gifts/vacations to keep them appeased. But they show little to no emotion, and that’s why their partners are so unhappy. Most of us enjoy material things, but at the end of the day, what we want most is to feel loved, accepted, and acknowledged. However, since this Narcissist doesn’t offer any of those sentiments, their partner accepts the material provisions because there’s nothing else offered in the relationship. Except, eventually they find that even the best trip or jewelry cannot fulfill the need for love.
Whether you have your own successful career, or are a stay-at-home mom, you become frustrated with your partner and he becomes angry with you because his perspective is that you’re being ungrateful for all the wealth he’s provided for you and your children over the years. Sadly, he is unlikely to change and become that sensitive, caring, and supportive man you desire and thought you married.
Why does he ignore you? As punishment, because somewhere along the way you stopped worshipping him. When you expressed your desire for closeness and intimacy, he took it as a direct attack on his persona. Instead of raging like other Narc types, this one ignores you. This is his way of destroying you without getting his hands dirty. After all, he surely cannot behave as a mere mortal. His God complex simply won’t allow for that.
It’s in your best interest to start recognizing the signs if any of them apply to you. This will allow you to make better choices in your best interest, and that of your children.
And the thousands of people I've helped find happiness again after narcissistic abuse.
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