Narcissists can be quite bothersome. If you’re mired in a relationship with one, you may feel you’ve ceased to exist because you can barely excuse yourself to the restroom without passing a Bill in Congress. Not to mention that if your Narcissist is overt, you’re forced to deal with tantrums that make a two-year old seem like a Zen master.
Every day, readers around the world find my site by searching “how to get a Narcissist to leave you alone”. While I don’t know each person’s unique circumstances, what I do know is how to get rid of a Narcissist. Below, I share three effective strategies in the hopes that you, too, can become Narc-free and regain your ability to speak in complete sentences.
1. No Contact
There’s no way of getting around this one. In most cases, the overt Narc won’t leave you alone because you’ve left lines of communication open. In this case, you’ll need to be the one who blocks them because they likely will not block themselves, unless you’ve become an absolute basket-case with no money, no resources, and no hint of emotion left. In short, unless you’ve become a Zombie. After all, even negative supply is better than none in the Narcissist’s mind. They’ve been known to check in simply to incite in their Discards a nuclear meltdown, only to hang up feeling refreshed and invigorated. Why leave yourself open for that?
Even if they’ve found new supply, they usually cannot resist knowing that they still have power over you. So, while you’re sitting around with a white-knuckle grip on your phone, waiting for them to send you a text (with three weeks having passed since the last one), they might SMS you with “Hey” just to see what your reaction will be. That doesn’t mean they’ve been looking at engagement rings or anything, it just means their new supply is at work and can’t talk on the phone, but the Narc needs to feed their ego a little snack.
Starving their ego will force them to find another source of supply. You can do that by going No Contact.
2. Show no emotion
Narcs are persistent little critters. Sometimes, even when faced with No Contact, they don’t believe you mean it so they may feel inclined to “calm your anxieties” by showing up at your favorite coffee shop, even though it’s 25 miles out of their way. In this case, you’ll need to reward their efforts by pretending you don’t see them. This may trigger them to come over (uninvited) to your table. Even then, they’re not there!
They’re counting on the advantage of being in a public place…where they believe you’ll have no choice but to acknowledge their existence. When they initiate a conversation, assume the stance of one of the neighboring chairs, remaining completely indifferent to the Narc’s presence.
If they still don’t take the hint, pick up your coffee, exit the coffee shop, and proceed to get in your vehicle and drive away. Kind of like one of the characters in The Seventh Sense who can’t see dead people. The Narc will begin to wonder if he imagined the whole interaction, which equals instant karma for all their gaslighting attempts. *fist bump*
This may feel uncomfortable for Empathic people, or those who dislike conflict, but it’s important to remember the reason you’re being forced to behave this way.
3. Pretend you’ve developed Tourette’s Syndrome
This is especially effective if you’ve been submissive and quiet during the relationship. If you find yourself forced to engage in conversation with the Narcissist, throw in a few unexpected obscenities, at higher levels of volume than the rest of your response. It might look something like this:
“I have a few pieces of #@*%# mail for you. Should I have your mail forwarded, or should I #@*%# or #@*%# ? (This should be done without changing your facial expression).
If the first two steps don’t send the Narcissist packing, this last one surely will. Giving them the impression that you no longer have control over your speech should put to rest any remaining agendas they may have for blame-shifting and gaslighting. They won’t realize you’ve simply adopted one of their behaviors.
©2013 Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach
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