8 Ways to Cut Energy Ties with the Narcissist

By Kim Saeed | Initiating No Contact

May 31

Does it seem that your Narcissistic Ex is larger than life?  Do you struggle with obsessive thoughts about them and wish you could get them out of your head?  Do you feel that you love him or her more than anyone or anything else in your life, in spite of the hell they put you through?

The emotional damage we experience as a result of narcissistic abuse results in blocked and negative energy.  When this energy stagnates in our bodies, it causes many unpleasant symptoms such as sadness, depression, and physical disease.  Furthermore, when we house stagnant, negative energy, we often attract more negative circumstances that affect our relationships, career, and emotions.

Where we focus our attention and energy is where we see the most results in our life. Try to reduce the amount of time spent on the forums and learning about narcissism and, instead, use that same effort to concentrate on your recovery. When you focus on the person who abused you and on the abuse itself, it’s quite possible that you will keep attracting more of that kind of energy into your life.

Processing your grief and anger and sharing your story is part of the cycle.  You want to feel validated and understood…but, there does come a time when that phase should be minimized and you turn your attention onto yourself.

Ways to cut the energy ties with your abuser

Below are eight alternative healing methods that are wonderful complements to professional therapy.  While there are many other alternative healing methods, the below suggestions are among the most common.  It’s best to experiment with all of these in an effort to find the ones that resonate with you.  Once you make this distinction, incorporate them into your regular routine. 

Energy Healing

1) Rid your home of anything the Narcissist gave you or that belonged to them – Inanimate objects can and do absorb the energies of those who use them.  Although it may sound bizarre, this is actually the simple law of nature.

Everything is made up of energy, including our thoughts and emotions which submit their own frequencies.  When we touch objects, our energy attaches onto that object in the form of energetic “residue”, and whatever emotion we were experiencing at the time is what vibration attaches itself onto the object.  Thus, it only stands to reason that if your home is full of things that belonged to the Narc, it is steeped in negative energy.

As soon as you can, collect everything that belonged to the Narcissist and get rid of it.  These items might include clothes; jewelry; CDs; movies; pictures; luggage…anything that belonged to them.  You can put it all together and have it delivered to the Narc through a third party, or donate/sell the items.  Do the same with any gifts they may have given you.

2) Smudge your home – This practice involves the use of essential oils, smudge sticks, tea-light candles, a bowl or shell, a large feather, and a pen and piece of paper.  Some people choose to incorporate crystals and stones.

You may also wish to say a prayer while smudging.  This can be a Native American Indian prayer, prayers to spirit guides, or prayers that you practice from your particular religion.  Whatever means the most to you is what you should incorporate into the ritual.  Smudging clears your home of negative energies and emotions.

3) Essential Oils – Entering a space can make you feel light and uplifted, or leave you feeling depleted and drained. Either way, you are responding to the energy of that environment.  But did you know that essential oils can help you clear that energy out and raise your vibrational frequency?  Some are better than others, but following is a list of oils for this type of work. They are best used in diffusion and air sprays, would not hurt to use it as a body oil either, if you really feel like you need some work done.

4) Release the memory – * Trigger Alert* This will take some time, but can be of tremendous help.  This step will require recalling specific events that were especially traumatizing, so you will want to do it when you are able to be alone.

Write a letter to the Narcissist explaining that what they did hurt you.  Let them know exactly how you feel about their painful behaviors.  If you feel you hate them, let them know.  Don’t hold anything back.  Then, plan a burial for the traumatic memories, complete with a eulogy. Doing this for individual events is most effective because it provides specific closure where it’s needed.

5) The Sedona Method – According to Sedona.com, “there are three ways to approach the process of releasing, and they all lead to the same result: liberating your natural ability to let go of any unwanted emotion on the spot, and allowing some of the suppressed energy in your subconscious to dissipate. The first way is by choosing to let go of the unwanted feeling. The second way is to welcome the feeling, to allow the emotion just to be. The third way is to dive into the very core of the emotion.”

6) Emotional Freedom Technique – EFT is a form of psychological acupressure, based on the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture to treat physical and emotional ailments for over five thousand years, but without the invasiveness of needles. Instead, simple tapping with the fingertips is used to input kinetic energy onto specific meridians on the head and chest while you think about your specific problem – whether it is a traumatic event, an addiction, pain, etc.

7) Reiki Massage – Reiki healing has a multitude of benefits such as emotional clearing, raising the vibrational frequency of the body, and helping to break addictions (such as trauma bonding and the neurological chemical addiction from being with a Narcissist).

8) Enroll in The Essential No Contact Bootcamp — Dramatically increase your chances of maintaining No Contact; have a better understanding of why you feel an unbearable urge to go back to a toxic partner; connect with the real reasons why you break No Contact and then begin healing them; FINALLY join the tribe of survivors who’ve not only stayed No Contact, but have survived and THRIVED after narcissistic abuse.

Why are there so many healing methods to choose from?  Because we’re all unique individuals with different personality types, experiences, backgrounds, and learning styles.  What works for one person may or may not work for another.

Final thoughts on doing this healing work:

  • If you don’t feel an immediate release, it may come later in the day or at night, once you’ve finished your day and are able to relax.
  • If you do these techniques and feel yourself getting depressed afterwards, or that you’re starting to get sick or you’re suddenly extremely tired, this may mean the old emotions are releasing. In this case, please make time to process the emotions. If this outcome persists, notify a professional therapist.
  • If you feel spaced out or disconnected, it’s another sign that the emotion is trying to release. You can help yourself by grounding and centering yourself, taking a salt bath, or lying down and doing guided meditations.

Do you have a success story regarding your own healing methods? Please share in the comments section below!

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(17) comments

susie September 10, 2017

Hi,

Iv’e just recently found this site. My exNarc kicked me our of our home 2 years ago after had been injured in a car accident.While recovering, he denied heat, TP, flushing the toilet,inadequate food and the abuse escalate rapidly. I got our with my daughter(9 years old) and went back to my former house. Our town really small and very intimate. He has worked his way into everyone grace–especially my daughter’s school> They think I’m crazy and mentally ill.He does all sorts of favors for the school and all of the parents. My poor daughter has to be with him 35%. Nobody believes her about the kinds of things he does. he’s causing a lot of psychological abuse for her. He’s been “gas-lighting” me at public level(in school) and trying to remain close with my family. My family can’t understand why I left.

Reply
narcabusesurvivor September 6, 2016

How do you deal with the lonelyness? Not always but, sometimes, it’s horrible.

Reply
    Kim Saeed September 6, 2016

    Hi narcabusesurvivor,

    Well, I can speak from my own experience. I would take myself to dinner, to the movies, to get a mani/pedi. I spent time listening to guided meditations. I joined a Meetup group. I spent time at Barnes & Noble. Although I didn’t do any volunteer work back then, it’s definitely a great way to ward off feelings of loneliness. I’ve noticed several shelters and farms recruiting volunteers to hug and cuddle with baby goats and such 🙂

    Hope that helps!

    Kim

    Reply
Grace September 1, 2014

I’ve found this a very helpful article. And will begin to apply some of these, one at a time. The only thing is that I don’t know how to find the thing or reason within me that allowed the continued disrespect or abuse except that he was intimidating and I’ve had threats if I ever left……until I knew too much and stood up regardless of what I ended up with after reacting to his calm psychological abuse…ultimately, he began to feel I would exploit him which I so wanted to but couldn’t bring myself to do it. sure ly there must be something more within me that contributed, right?

Reply
    Kim Saeed September 6, 2014

    Grace, it takes a lot of self-inquiry to understand why we remain in abusive relationships. In many cases, it stems from issues related to childhood. However, staying involved with the abuser will limit progress, so I always recommend going No Contact first, and then trying to heal and learn whatever lessons we may from our reasons for staying…

    Reply
Grace September 1, 2014

I’ve found this a very helpful article. And will begin to apply some of these, one at a time. The only thing is that I don’t know how to find the thing or reason within me that allowed the continued disrespect or abuse except that he was intimidating and I’ve had threats if I ever left……until I knew too much and stood up regardless of what I ended up with after reacting to his calm psychological abuse…ultimately, he began to feel I would exploit him ..which I so wanted to but couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Reply
Anonymous August 26, 2014

I used reiki and reconnective healing. Very grounding, they gave me the courage and strength to leave NPD partner. I would recommend these to anyone in the same situation.

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angie August 25, 2014

I would love to get rid of everything that reminds me of him. Unfortunately, after twenty years together, that would be literally 90% of everything I own, including my dog and, most importantly, our son. That being the case, what do you suggest?

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[…] want to also clear out the area where you performed the ritual through smudging or diffusing essential oils, such as sage or lavender.  Cord cutting is not generally recommended […]

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idiotwriter June 13, 2014

Kim, I love strolling around your site. I do not comment on everything (there is JUST so much on the topic isn’t there – and you SO have it so well covered) You are a star. Thank you for doing what you do dear.
One theme in here made me smile so much – There comes a time to move on from the ‘mourning’ and the ‘hating’ and the ‘talking about it and letting it out’…and to focus on the future and all life holds for us. To be so grateful for the second chance.
So easy to stumbled down ‘nightmare lane’ and revisit such things. I imagine writing on the subject as much as you do means YOU are well into a place where it is another lifetime ago? I have found that until I reached a point where I FELT and saw myself as a different person on a different planet that if I began to discuss the past I would get depressed and anxious etc.
There truly is something to be said for working through it – but then….leaving it in the past. Forget it…but don’t forget what it taught you…so you can go on to help others heal. (AND keep yourself aware and safe too!! 😉 )
God bless you in your work dear.

Reply
    Kim Saeed June 17, 2014

    iw,

    Thank you so much for your very meaningful and insightful comments.

    As I make my own transformations, they carry over into my writing. I’ve discovered it’s best to leave the abuse in the past after learning from it. After all, we have reasons why we chose/choose to let someone continue treating us with disrespect and scorn…it’s best to get to the root of those reasons instead of continuing to try and figure out the disordered.

    Once we’ve done the self-work, there is a whole other beautiful world waiting for us. I do consistently take a couple of days off from the blog now to balance out my focus. In your words, “Forget it…but don’t forget what it taught you”. Those are the wisest words I’ve read in some time 🙂 <3

    Thank you for stopping by, iw…it always warms my heart.

    Reply
      idiotwriter June 18, 2014

      Oh bless you Kim – this really put a big old smile on my face this morning. Thanks hey 😀 <3
      So cool when there are those fine tendrils that we allow to connect us as people –
      YOU know – tendrils are fragile…but beautiful…that balance between those soft tendrils creeping out to reach, and keeping our own strength – can be tricky sometimes.
      HONESTLY – at times feel like NOT letting them grow outward…but I KNOW that is completely self defeating and makes me and anyone I come into contact with, ill at ease and just plain miserable! LOL!

      Reply
Susan Lattwein June 3, 2014

Great post as usual, Kim. The older I get, the more I understand about the positive and negative energy from different people, and am learning to keep up my own positive energy rather than rely on the reflected energy of others. Thank you!!!

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Turn Your Problems Into Opportunities | Leap Like A Frog June 1, 2014

[…] 8 Ways to Cut the Energy Ties with Your Narcissistic Abuser […]

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    Kim Saeed June 4, 2014

    Thank you for the pingback 🙂

    Reply
Teela Hart May 31, 2014

Thank you Kim.
<3

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    Kim Saeed May 31, 2014

    You’re welcome, Teela 🙂 <3

    Reply
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