Do you suspect your partner is a Narcissist? Do they behave in cruel, demeaning, and confusing ways and you want to understand why? Do you wonder if there’s hope for a better future with them? Wish that they’ll eventually see the error of their ways and have a heart-warming epiphany where they’ll beg you on bended knee to forgive them?
Welcome to the mind of the Narcissist. While you reflect on things from a forgiving standpoint, it’s important to be aware of what your partner is thinking in order to make educated decisions about the relationship and your future. Here, I’ve taken seven common questions that appear on my blog, and answer them from the Narcissist’s perspective.
We keep coming back because you let us. Nothing makes us feel more powerful than having proof that you will take us back regardless of what we do. It doesn’t matter if we’ve stolen your money, cheated on you, destroyed your career, harmed your pet, or hurt your children’s feelings. The fact that you accept us after doing these things means we have a God-like status. All we have to do is pretend we’re sorry and/or in love, and we keep that powerful influence over you. But, the reality is that control, manipulation, and keeping you as supply are all that matter to us.
We don’t think about much else than having fun and living the single life. In passing, we are teaching you a lesson for attempting to establish a boundary or for pointing out one of our flaws, but we don’t care how it affects you. We know that you are waiting for us to call or text as you scour our social media (even going so far as to turn down invitations from your friends and family), whereas we are out having a great time. Once we get bored with whooping it up and being unfaithful (or our new supply doesn’t pan out) we know there’s an open door waiting for us. It’s all about US, just like the memes on Facebook say. In fact, we often create conflict so that we can go out and do as we please. We’re always looking for reasons to give the silent treatment.
You’re probably talking about us overt Narcissists, as we’re usually the ones doing the stalking, harassing, and hoovering. Well, you should know by now that any attempt you make to get away from one of us will feel next to impossible. Although you may want to get away from us, your self-esteem is so low that even if you manage to “get away”, you’ll soon find yourself believing that no one else would ever want you, and that makes us look like heroes in your eyes. You’re in love with the projection of our false personality. The real person behind the mask is only concerned with controlling you, and we’ll do anything necessary to get back into your world. The only way to make us go away is to go No Contact and completely block us from getting to you. You may even need to get a restraining order.
“The new girl” usually isn’t new. In most cases, we had her lined up before we discarded you. It’s not really the new girl’s looks or age that made us inclined to choose her. It’s more about whether she passed the litmus test for being good supply. This usually means she’s submissive, is overly trusting, overly forgiving, is easy to hook into a relationship, and most importantly, thinks we’re God. If she happens to be younger or pretty, that’s only icing on the cake because that makes you feel insanely jealous. Besides, older women often won’t give us the time of day because they’re usually able to figure us out. Nevertheless, we don’t see the new girl the same way you do. There is no love or emotional attachment whatsoever; it’s purely about securing narcissistic supply which we attain through sex. It’s about how well she strokes our ego and (if we’re overt) whether she’ll provide financial resources and wait on us 24/7. It might look like we’ve never been happier, but that’s all part of the false image. We’re killing two birds with one stone: love-bombing her and making you feel unworthy.
The best way to get revenge on us is to act as though we no longer exist. Yep. That’s it. Anything else will only show how much we still mean to you. “Outing us” to our friends, family, or employer (or the new woman) only proves how much you are still fixated on us. Even if we’re waging a smear campaign against you, the best thing to do is not to get pulled into trying to defend yourself. Simply live and act as though everything is completely, 100% normal. The smart people will eventually see us for who we are as we continue to drag your reputation through the mud, while you go on with life as normal and refuse to talk about it. It’s the ultimate way of maintaining your dignity.
Leave. We’re never going to change. And if we have kids together, they’ll end up thinking this chaos is normal in relationships and will likely go on to have dysfunctional marriages themselves after you and I led by example.
7. Do Narcissists come back months or years later?
Sometimes we do. Are you really going to wait around for us that long? See #1 and #3.