~Submitted by Scott Dougall~
In a way it takes a while for you to believe that you suffer from something like this. PTSD feels to be something that you suffer from when something real and horrific happens – like maybe to a soldier in battle or similar – not a middle aged man trying to enjoy flying his hang glider getting bothered by some self-important tosser and his minion followers.
Then when you realize all those revolving thoughts in your mind are the manifestation of cPTSD after years of manipulative underhanded cowardly abuse that resulted in your social disconnectedness and the depressing reality that represents in any person’s life, and then you get angry at the tosser who did this.
Then, eventually, after going NC, whatever the cost that represents to you in the short term, you find your mind becoming clearer of these revolving thoughts evaporating – I have a therapist now too who helps me reconstruct myself and define a way forward, but it is at this stage when you realize you were really suffering from this PTSD thing you could not come to believe before.
This is real, in a deep sense such that it is inescapably real, not something you can brush away – I think all you can do is accept that you have PTSD and cPTSD and not worry how it got there – the cause – the abuser is an irrelevance – no – what you need to do is accept this and then day by day be kind to yourself – seek happy people – happy memories – write about them – take yourself into peaceful places and enjoy the beauty of each moment.. for me this is my days now – seeking peace.
Feeling joy when I realize I am healing.
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