**Trigger Alert – This post contains possible triggers. Please proceed with caution. Also, I use the pronoun “he” for ease of reading. If your Narc is female, simply replace with “she”. Feel free also to substitute either pronoun with the nouns cretin, halfwit, or simpleton.Apparel for the Arse-issist in your life…
For those who’ve come to the end of the road with the Narcissist in their lives, they often encounter a conundrum when it comes to analyzing what went wrong. On occasion, the Narcissist ends the relationship after a painful Devalue and Discard. Other Narcs will pretend they’re on board with the whole breakup thing, only to have a nuclear meltdown when it becomes obvious their partner is serious. This second type of Narc is the topic of today’s post.
One of the most common questions I encounter with readers, followers, and clients is, “How can he be so cruel? I gave and gave to him, and he just used me and took advantage of my good nature. I don’t understand.”
It’s crucial to recognize what’s happening when struggling with this quandary. Most of us who’ve researched Narcissism understand that they project their qualities onto us when “interacting” with us. Curiously, this is what we do when we wonder why they do what they do and say what they say. However, we can’t use our rational thinking to analyze the irrational wheedling of the disordered. After all, can we really be sure there are any synapses going on upstairs with the Narcissist?Inside the Mind of the Narcissist
Allow me to demonstrate via a dialogue:
Narc: It’s over. You can never do anything right. I hate myself for even thinking of giving you a second chance.
You: What do you mean? You gave me some areas for improvement, and I’ve worked on them diligently. I’ve gone to a counselor, tightened up on the budget, and got that second job after you suggested it. I’ve tried to be a better girlfriend/wife by cooking your favorite meals whenever I can.
Narc: You didn’t do anything. You suck, and you’re fat and ugly.
You: Actually, I’ve lost eight pounds this month, and I’ve made an appointment with an aesthetician to take care of those sun spots you pointed out. They should be gone in three months or so.
Narc: Nothing can help you, Medusa. I’ve been going out with that hot, new secretary at work. She’s better on her worst day that you are on your best. She even has breast implants. I’m moving in with her at the end of the month. You’ll need to figure out how you’re going to pay all the bills after I leave.
You: Well, that shouldn’t be a problem, since I’ve been paying all the bills, anyway. But, more importantly, I thought you said you loved me and wanted to spend your life with me. What’s changed?
Narc: You don’t appreciate what I’ve done for you, and you’re no fun. I’m leaving you for someone who knows a good thing when she’s got it. Besides, she makes me happy. We’re soul mates and plan to do things together that will change the world.The Narcissist and his new Soul Mate
Observe how the Narcissist doesn’t address facts, only throwing out insults in response. Why? Because that’s what Arse-issists do. Everything he says consists of subliminal implanting designed to make you feel unattractive, unworthy, and unacceptable. And what has he really “done” for you besides exist in the same space, breathing your air? Regarding his comments about the new girl, which are rather predictable, he’s building her up because he’s found a new source of supply who doesn’t know his epic uselessness. Realize that while he’s laying it on thick about her, he thinks she’s a nincompoop, because that’s what they think of all their targets.
And their plans to “change the world”? She shared with him some dream she has and he hopped on that like tie dye on a hippie in order to give her a sense of kindredness. In reality, he dry heaves when he ponders joining her on her mission to help humankind.
Narc: I still love you and am attracted to you.
Translation: The new girl turned out to be a bigger moron than the Narcissist, and though he will keep her around for some strange, he doesn’t want to lose the control he has over you. He still has no plans to commit, but saying he loves you and is still attracted will hopefully put you in the role of friends with benefits.
Narc: I miss you, but you have some anger issues.
Translation: It’s not his fault you caught him looking at nude pics some bimbo from the bar has been sending him for the past three months. Nor should he be held accountable for the porn pop-ups on your shared pc, or the fact that you are now getting spam email with promises to enlarge your wanker.
Narc: I can’t go on without you.
Translation: You’re the best supply he’s ever had…well, except for the last one who moved across the country to get away from him.
Narc: Do you really want to break up our family? …followed with a dramatic,Oscar-worthy turn to the children and “Kids, your mother wants to break up the family.”
Translation: Why don’t you own his crimes and continue hiding his immorality from the children? In return, he’ll mete out some mind crumbs now and again. Never mind that the new secretary at work (who turned out to be the bimbo from the bar), is currently preparing to leave her husband so she and the Narc can move into the townhome they put a deposit on last week.
Notice the one-sided dialogue at the end? That’s not an oversight. That’s the sound of the Arse-issist’s target trying to make sense of the senseless, which is pointless.
Don’t be “that target”. Turn on your heel and leave that cheating and lying nut-job to bleat on into oblivion, which is the realm where you’ll end up if you keep lending him your ear.For comedic purposes only. Do not try this at home…
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