Don't Sell Yourself Short

By Kim Saeed | Male Targets of Female Narcissists

Sep 26

I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store;
For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.
I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have paid.

~Jessie Belle Rittenhouse (1869–1948)

Have you set your wages with the Narcissist in your life, working for “a menial’s hire”?  Do you continue to give 110%, thinking that one day, you’ll be rewarded for all the time, effort, and dedication you’ve invested in the relationship?  Are you holding out for the day when your Narcissist morphs into a caring, compassionate individual, expressing remorse for their deeds…and promising to make it all up to you…and further, to compensate you for all the overtime you’ve worked?

Take a moment to read the small print.  There is no union, no fair labor act, no HR department to ensure checks and balances.  You’re working for a tyrant CEO.

And there’s only one way to liberate yourself from this malicious environment – develop an exit plan and go No Contact (or Modified Contact in the case of shared custody).

One of the major causes of depression is settling for a life that one isn’t happy with.   Are you going to banish your limiting beliefs? Take the steps to realize your true potential?  Decide enough is enough?

You are really two people; the person you are today and the person you dream of being… Will you be one of the growing posse of victors that consciously and proactively takes control of their lives?

Will it be hard?  Yes!  Will it be inconvenient?  You betcha’…but hard and inconvenient doesn’t mean impossible.  Let’s weigh your options:

  • Live out the rest of your life working under a tyrant CEO, which in itself is much harder and inconvenient, because you will never realize true happiness. You’ll continue to be passed up for promotions, which will be given to the newest supply in the department. Your dedication and contributions will never be acknowledged, and in fact, you will likely be demoted as time goes on.  (Devalue and discard)
  • Put in your notice (No Contact) and endure a transitory period of scathing backlash. This will feel really crappy at first.  You’ll be forced to do things way out of line with your character (avoid, ignore, block…perhaps file protection orders, or worse…tell a lie or two).  The emotional pain will escalate due to mental and physiological withdrawal, grief, guilt, unrequited love, no closure, no apologies…and mostly, not being able to understand “why”.

Most people in the first stages of No Contact feel as if they’re dying.  And in many ways they are…

But the good news is that they die to their old selves; the self that believes they are powerless.  They find out what it is inside of them that caused them to stay.  They heal their wounds.  They re-discover themselves and begin to love themselves again…to love life again.  They grow spiritually.  Some make major overhauls to their lives, including career changes, moving to another state, starting a business, learning to play an instrument, realizing dreams that had long been tucked away, finding true love, etc., etc.,

That sensation of dying goes away (if you’re dedicated to loving yourself) and a whole new world opens up.  It’s a Phoenix Process

and it all begins with No Contact.

 “Today is the first day of the rest of your life” ~ Charles Dederich

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(8) comments

Exit 4A September 27, 2014

Kim, do you think going NC by way of filing a protection order is the ultimate way of going NC? http://www.exit4a.wordpress.com Thank you

Reply
Laurie September 27, 2014

Hello Kim:
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Been NC three months and just lately having an awful time of it. It’s true, I feel dead and also scared, lonely, insecure and like a stranger in my own life.
Reading your writings and listening to you speak just happens at the perfect time, when I need it the very most.
Thank you for the hope and optimism. I am moving to a new State and will do all I can to stop living in the past and start loving who I am.
Bless you.
Laurie

Reply
Laa September 26, 2014

I just started nc two days ago after 11 years Of the same old thing. so far it’s the hardest thing I’ve done. Wish me luck

Reply
    Kim Saeed September 27, 2014

    Good Luck, Laa! We’re rooting for you!

    Reply
Anonymous September 26, 2014

Beautiful and uplifting ………. and I know it is true!

Reply
Jules September 26, 2014

This is SO true. I’m 5 months into my “no contact” and I can honestly say, I’m starting to feel like my old self again. After 14 years of narcissistic abuse, then discovering the 18 month affair and compromising my entire being to forgive and move on, I was still discarded for the OW (the love of his life as he says). I’m almost at the point of saying “thank you” for dumping me–you did me a favor. I can now look in the mirror again and like what I see, I’m more focused at work than ever, have lost 15 pounds, and I’m doing things I never thought I could do.
No contact works–but it’s also the hardest thing to go through because as you stated, you feel angry, hurt, lonely, have many unanswered questions, and you do feel like you are dying inside. But I now know it’s all going to be worth it when I’m at 100% recovery!

THANK YOU for all your posts–I look forward and read them everyday!

Jules

Reply
Anonymous September 26, 2014

I went No Contact, moved to another state, got a new job and now I’m interviewing for a promotion on Monday morning. All this in five months. I have a new life.
I have a plaque “Believe, There Are No Limits But The Sky” And it’s true!

Reply
    Kim Saeed September 27, 2014

    Thank you for sharing that, Anon! You are a Rock Star!! 🙂

    Reply
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