Why Go No Contact with the Narcissist?

By Kim Saeed | Narcissistic Behaviors

Dec 02

If you’re reading this article, perhaps you’re searching for reasons why No Contact is the best way to sever ties with the Narcissist in your life.  You may have already read some articles and now are confused with all the conflicting information out there, or perhaps you haven’t yet found anything that resonates with how you’re feeling at the moment.

Maybe you found suggestions, tips, and reasons such as:

  • No Contact gives you the upper hand and the last word
  • It’s the most hurtful narcissistic injury you could inflict
  • It provides you with much-wanted revenge
  • It’s a great form of punishment
  • It’s a great way to make the Narcissist miss you

…and so on.

If you’ve been mistreated, discarded, or found out your partner has been unfaithful, the above suggestions may seem appealing.  However, none of them are good reasons for implementing No Contact.

The best reasons for No Contact are:  self-protection, healing, and moving forward into a life that’s free of abuse and full of peace and joy.

The true benefits of No Contact (and sticking to it)

If you attempted No Contact only to break it later, it likely became clear that you gained absolutely nothing from doing so. You didn’t gain closure, an improved relationship, or a sincere apology.  The only person who gains from your breaking NC is the Narcissist, who gains a sense of authority over you, along with a God complex for being able to affect you in such a powerful way

Think about the long-term. If you stick with No Contact and do the self-work required for healing, you will get to a point of recovery and, eventually, happiness.  If you keep breaking No Contact, you will continue through life experiencing that sick feeling of trauma and addiction due to his or her repeated silent treatments, infidelities, lying, exploitation, and making a point to make you feel invalidated.

Breaking No Contact will never provide you with the approval and validation you seek from the Narcissist which, coincidentally, is one of the biggest reasons people break NC. In fact, the more you engage with the Narcissist, the worse you will feel over time as they continue to devalue and invalidate you.

Not maintaining NC can, and often does, lead to severe depression. Though not common, the Narcissist’s exes do sometimes commit suicide for the very reasons listed above.  Don’t become that ex.  If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call a qualified therapist or Suicide Prevention at 1-800-273-8255.

What to do instead of breaking No Contact

Following are some suggestions:

  • Write a letter to the Narcissist describing everything you’re feeling, but don’t send it
  • Find a coach, friend or mentor who can help you stay the course
  • Stop reading so much about Narcissism and, instead, read something uplifting regarding recovery
  • Journal your successes, thoughts, and dreams

Recovery from narcissistic abuse begins with No Contact (or-in the case of shared custody-a strict program of Modified Contact). Further, recovery times are different for everyone and the duration is directly correlated to an individual’s commitment and willingness to put in the healing work required. What can you do today to step onto the path of healing and happiness?

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