Valentine’s Day Fallout – Narcissists and the Contingency Plan

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Feb 15

 The day after Valentine’s Day…yesterday’s holiday resulted in a global epidemic of Narcissists hoovering, posting pics on his or her social media with the new “love interest”, and using the day to execute painful devalues around the world.

Quite possibly all of the above.

While most couples are basking in the afterglow of romantic dinners and intimate moments, you may be feeling like a nincompoop because you believed there was a chance things could work with the Narcissist.  Further you may feel that no one will ever love you again because you’re checking out the Narcissist’s Facebook and Instagram pages, feeling destroyed by what you find.

Valentine’s Day is the Narcissist’s favorite day for conspiracies and trickery.  If you’re involved with a Narcissist, please find below three of the most common games carried out by the disordered on our national day of romance:

V-Day Charades

Valentine’s Day is the golden day of hoovering for Narcissists everywhere.  If they believe you plan on leaving them, you were no doubt bombarded with all manner of love gestures.  The Narcissist may have given you the “Epiphany Speech”, and you consequently began doubting your judgment of the relationship.  Maybe they haven’t been so bad after all…I mean, you do have a tendency to be too sensitive, right?

You may be sensitive, but your sensitivity has been heightened due to long-term emotional abuse.

Did you fall for the charades?  The flowers, the card, the dinner? Did he make a late-night “run to the store” or find another way to leave after he landed you in the bedroom?

While he was smiling in your face and pretending to be Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire, he was stringing along his other source(s) of supply.

For the men, did you know that when you went to the restroom, she was texting the other man?  

This is all part of their contingency plan.  They can never be without supply.

Golden Globes

Can’t stay away from the Narcissist’s social media sites?  Have you become a hermit, downing whole bottles of red wine, ignoring your friends, and calling in sick because you’re so devastated by what you’ve seen on Facebook and Instagram?

Narcissists are highly acclaimed actors and actresses.  Every single post you see on their social media is specifically designed for the destruction of your psyche.  The whole theme is to have you believe you weren’t good enough and that they’ve finally found the love of their life.  You’ll see them doing things you always asked for but never received from them.  That trip you wanted to take?  They’ll post pics of plane tickets to your dream destination alongside a photo of their new, shiny partner.  They disliked your children?  You’ll find photos of the two of them at the school play…the epitome of a happy family (never mind they’ve only been an official couple for eight days).  You like sushi and they mocked you for it?  Voila…a pic of them feeding one another tuna rolls using chopsticks (with a bottle of sake in the background). 

Valentine’s Day is when social media sites around the world see a huge spike due to Narcissists posting frame-by-frame movie clips of themselves with the new supply.

And the Golden Globe Award goes to…

The plot twist is that though you now feel they’ll never look your way again, those online pics are designed to keep you waiting by the phone with a white-knuckle grip so that when things go awry with the new supply, they’ll have a place to “come home to”.

**This is another contingency plan.  You’ll feel so worthless and undesirable that you’ll accept them back into your home, throwing yourself onto the floor while grabbing their ankles and thanking your lucky stars they’ve come back into your life.  At least you might have a chance at Best Supporting Actor.

Symphony of Crickets

There you were, all dressed up after having spent three hours in the kitchen.  The candles were lit, soft music was playing, and you even used the silverware and good china.  Dinnertime came and went.  You turned off the music and the only sound that could be heard was that of crickets as you acknowledged the almost-dead silence after the Narcissist canceled dinner plans without informing you.

Devastating, no?  Narcissists love using Valentine’s Day to carry out painful devalues.  Usually, this is a multi-strategic play because while they left you high and dry, they were doing the same thing to their other supply while they hoovered the target they’ve recently had their eye on.  

Did you fall for the games and are now wondering why on earth you gave them another year of your life after last year’s Valentine’s Day fiasco? If so, don’t resign yourself to a life of learned helplessness.  In the event you did have a moment of epic weakness, today is a new day.  You can change your mind.  You are under no obligation to carry on the charade with someone who took advantage of your forgiving nature.  Today is the perfect day to go No Contact.

**Are you experiencing Valentine’s Day fallout?  Were you part of a contingency plan?  Please share your story below.  

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