Hey there, beautiful.
I can hardly believe that someone as intelligent as you is here, reading my blog post.
That you are even giving me a few minutes of your precious time brightens my entire day.
Out of all the sites out there, you are here…on mine.
Do you know what that means? Destiny has brought you here. It’s in the stars for us to be together.
Just one glance from your eyes gives my life purpose.
Speaking of the stars…can I ask you a question? Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Seriously, I hope I’m not being too forward here, but has anyone told you lately how amazingly beautiful you are? You are undoubtedly the most stunning person I’ve ever seen; the smartest, the most exquisite.
And the fact that I get that about you makes me the luckiest person alive.
Why don’t you give me your number? I promise not to bite…that is, unless you want me to. You just say the word.
So, shall I call you tonight around seven? I will make you forget about everything that’s ever caused you grief or sorrow, if you’ll just give me the chance.
I’ll protect you…you will be safe with me. I will show you what it means to be taken care of.
Remember those words? Remember how, after giving into the constant praise and flattery, the “intimacy” was so great? How your partner told you that you had the best body, the best love-making skills, and how they couldn’t get enough of you?
You were the classiest, most charming person they’d ever met. The two of you were soul mates, right?
And these are the words that ring in your mind for years – keeping you hooked, desperate, and longing for a hint of those feelings of importance, worthiness, and deservedness. Long after the abuse has set in; long after you discovered the lies, the cheating, and that your partner has no conscience.
Why is it that you morph into putty when the Narcissist says these words to you, when others have tried to garner your attention and failed? Why do you stay with them, even after discovering they aren’t sincere in their words or promises?
Narcissists are charming, convincing, and very good at their game. While most of them are attractive, even those who aren’t can make themselves appear to be so through the way they dress, their attitudes, and the various images they project. Further, if sex with them is good, they become even more attractive. There’s nothing like oxytocin to keep one attached to a partner, whether or not the partner in question is good for one’s mental well-being.
On the other hand, there’s another reason Narcissists are good at hooking and keeping their targets. They learn their deepest insecurities and fears, and then proceed to magnify them to the point that their victims become obsessed with maintaining the narcissist’s approval and validation.
In the beginning, the Narcissist told you everything you ever wanted to hear about your worth. They built you up, high in the sky, where you thought nothing could ever bring you down. You’d never felt so understood and appreciated.
Then, day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute the Narcissist began deconstructing the foundation of your new-found confidence. They made you doubt yourself, your worth, and your potential for success and happiness. They resurrected the insecurities you developed during your early years, when many of us were taught that we were born bad, sinful, and imperfect – and there was nothing we could do about it.
Hence, after the idealization phase from the Narcissist, your soul experienced a slow, torturous descent into the pits of self-loathing, insecurity, and misery. And every day, you wait for the Narcissist to show some sign of remorse, some indication that you’re not so unworthy, after all.
Why is it that other people can tell you all day long how attractive, successful, and worthy you are, yet it does little to relieve your grief? It’s because those people aren’t abusing your inner child, which is precisely what the Narcissist is doing to you each day that you remain in a relationship with him or her. Indeed, the Narcissist does this intentionally and with ill-will. They’ve turned love-bombing into an art form.
It’s how they keep you hooked…but, you can stop this cycle of darkness and grief. Imagine your younger self, the one the Narcissist emotionally abuses each day, take him or her by the hand, and lead them into safety. Only by standing up for your younger self will you begin your journey of emotional healing. One way you can do that is by love-bombing your younger self to stabilize the grief you experienced as a child. Whereas the Narcissist keeps you enmeshed with their manipulative punishment and reward system, you can love your adult and younger self unconditionally, which is a concept the Narcissist will never comprehend.
I am worth loving. I deserve all good in my life and I know that as I accept this on a deep level for myself it becomes true for me.
Get your very own No Contact Questionnaire and see how your life could be different after going No Contact.