3 Common Evils of Female Narcissists

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Apr 06
Female Narcissists

When narcissism first exploded onto the internet scene several years ago, it was believed that mostly men are narcissists.

But, in truth, the ratio of male to female narcissism is around 50/50. The numbers were skewed in the past because men were less likely to come forward with their stories of abuse.

The truth is, male targets of narcissistic females are suffering just as badly as the women who’ve been (or still are) involved with a pathological male Narcissist.

And there is one very shocking reality as it relates to female narcissists. They more often get away with their crazy than their male counterparts, especially when it comes to getting custody of any children involved. This is because most states still favor children staying with their mothers.

And because these Hitler wannabes have their husbands or partners conditioned to her special brand of crazy, he has learned to shut up, go along with it, and even hide her crazy from the outside world.

Even better, she can later collect child support and not have to worry about working, if she plays her cards right.

Do these pathological women care about their children? No, they will go on to alienate them from their poor, unsuspecting fathers and condition them to believe their father is an evil man…all because he had the balls to stand up for himself and leave. Because he determined she was too darned schizoid and he wasn’t going to be her pawn anymore.

What happens to any children who are, by all accounts, held prisoner by these she-devils is a story for another day (and a sad one, at that.) For now, I will illustrate three of the most common evils that narcissistic women get away with.

1.  The bedroom isn’t their only means of brainwashing.  Let’s face it, men like sex.  And if a female narcissist can convince her target that she’s the absolute, hands-down best he will ever have, she has gone far in winning his admiration.  However, this is how male narcissists keep the devotion of their female targets, too…so, what’s the difference?

The difference is that female narcissists, by virtue of being female, play out the “damsel in distress” role quite convincingly.  They rouse their male target’s need to take care of his woman by pretending to be vulnerable and in need of his care.  In exchange for his “protection”, she will morph into whatever ideal he has for a compatible mate.  Yes, male narcissists are great at projecting images and playing the part, but female narcs win the Oscar.  Consider the following:

  • Is he looking for the perfect step-mom? In a flash, she’s fixing dinner every night and offering to pick up the kids after school.  (Little does her new man know that she despises kids).
  • Does he have mommy issues? Out of nowhere, she’s holding his head in her lap and rubbing his hair gently while he spills his innermost insecurities and fears.
  • Does he want a pig farmer? Suddenly, she’s wearing daisy dukes and pigtails like Elly May in The Beverly Hillbillies (never mind she was formerly a vegetarian).

As you can see, female narcissists have no scruples when it comes to programming their prey.

2.  Female Narcissists will often file false charges with the police, claim to be pregnant, claim to have had a miscarriage, claim that an Ex is stalking them, etc., etc., all while looking innocent as a lamb.

Male narcissists certainly do their share of lying, cheating, and engaging in other morally bankrupt schemes, but again, narcissistic women get away with more simply by virtue of being female.  They not only lie, cheat, and plot…they know they can get away with it.  Indeed, they feel even more entitled because of their belief they should be treated like royalty.

These are women who use men for cars, money, homes, a relationship, sex, and whatever resources they need and can get from men at any given time.  They often have some excuse as to why they cannot work outside the home, even going so far as to claim they have a phobia that prevents them from doing so (because of her horrible childhood, remember?)

Doesn’t it seem odd, then, how she can go partying with her friends…even traveling to another state for some big shin-dig?  Perhaps a seductive flash of her cleavage will help you see her side of things – never mind that cop who is banging on your front door.

3.  No matter what you’ve done to make her happy, she’s still Medusa in disguise. Just as their male counterparts are never happy, neither are female Narcissists.  This is often described as their “moving the goalposts”, “the never-ending prospect of redemption”, and the almighty “no-win situation”.

Women are supposed to be moody…what with hormones, PMS, and menopause and such, right?  This is exactly what she’s counting on you to believe…all while she runs amok like a rabid dog, changing her wants minute-to- minute, while having you believe her unhappiness is all your fault.  You know what else she’s counting on?  The fact that society has not only taught us that men are supposed to take care of their women, but also to not show any sign of emotion when the going gets tough.  At all costs, you should put on a stoic front and deal with things with nary a sign of being human.

Yes, narcissistic women are every bit as evil as their disordered counterparts.  The main difference is that by their being an exclusive member of the “gentler sex”, they can more easily spread their poison, and abuse – and look pretty while doing it.

Even if your girlfriend, fiancé, or wife is beautiful beyond words, don’t use that as an excuse to overlook abusive behaviors.  She may trap you by becoming pregnant (in which case you should demand a paternity test), use your decent morals to her advantage, and eventually end up with half of your house, earnings, and take your kids away from you…all with ample help from the courts.  Look into the future…do you want to be free, or at least on the way to healing…or sinking deeper into her emotional quicksand?

Copyright Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach 2017

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(36) comments

Elijah W April 3, 2017

I believe I might be in a relationship with an individual who is narcistic and unmotivated, and using me for money. I am very ambitious and have high goals, only being eighteen and I’ve learned that she is pregnant. However, if anything is wrong with the kid I’m forcing her to get an abortion as I’m seeing warning signs things are wrong with her.

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Antony Ward July 27, 2016

great write up weird thing is i’m a male covert cerebral narcissist (clinically diagnosed) with over 15 years of cbt,dbt & cat therapy as i’m down on paper as non malignant & non malevolent but was with a covert malignant stealth female narcissist for over 10 years so i had empathy instilled in me by very good therapists from the age of 12 to 31 & are still in therapy to this very day but yes she was evil in every way shape & form took the kids, my home, my job everything i had i often wonder did i get karma even though i never hurt anyone and she was the only long relationship i ever had so on that one who knows?? all i can say is that i’m glad to be shut of her & as for our children they will only end up like her in the end anyway but as seen as everything were out my control regarding seeing our children unfortunately i had to move on but i’m sure “Karma” is following up behind her slowly but surely!!!

Thank you “Kim”

From Antony Ward

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peter August 28, 2015

Perceptive and gutsy.

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    Charlie September 15, 2015

    Hi Kim
    My story is so similar to many of the ones I have read here. I was with a narciccist woman for 13 1/2 years. We dated for 12 1/2 and married for 1 year. I was recently discarded twice, and she is with a man that owns many houses ! I am in th process of filing for divorce. The pain I feel is intense. I never even knew what narciccist was , let alone personality disorder. I had never met a woman that put me on a pedestal like she did ! She is a beautiful woman 9 years younger than myself. She seemed perfect to me, she loved doing everything with me. She would spend hours telling me, she couldn’t believe she found me, and I should promise to never leave her! But as the case with many of your posts, as soon as I was totally in love with her, the abuse started.she would put me down in everything, haircuts I got, glasses I wore, clothing, and would belittle me every chance she could. At the end , she wouldn’t talk to me, and made me feel like , she didn’t want to share the air with me. It is so hurtful because I helped her raise her children from 4,6,and 8 year olds to adulthood. To make my story even crazier, she is a very well respected phsycologist doing marriage counseling, it just goes to show what kind of actresses they can be! I am 100% sure she is a n. I don’t need a medical diagnosis.i know what I lived for 13 1/2 years. I don’t know how long my pain will last !!!

    Reply
      Kim Saeed September 15, 2015

      Charlie, you’d be shocked to know how many people I’ve worked with whose disordered partner was a psychologist.

      It’s tough in the beginning to get over the pain, but it can be done if you commit to healing yourself. I have some great healing and soothing activities on my Pinterest board (hope the link works):https://www.pinterest.com/kimsaeed/c-ptsd-healing-stabilization-skills-and-getting-un/

      Wishing you all the best in your recovery…

      Reply
Brian July 28, 2015

Mine is such a fake. She’s an extremely talented artist and usually paints little forest creatures and children. Her ego really gets stroked when they line up to walk thru her little studio to see her work even though she doesn’t make much. Its downtown and in a very liberal art center so of course she listens to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News and hides that as well. She doesn’t even have any of that stuff on her dating profile or I would’ve saved myself some medieval torture and never met her in the first place.

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    tony July 28, 2015

    Yep, ‘caveat emptor’ when your on a dating site. That’s where they all hang out waiting for their prey I married one from an International dating site…no regrets…just lessons…….

    Reply
Robert Paige July 27, 2015

My Story – Chapter I
Since I first posted my open letter to my family and friends this past week concerning the than upcoming wedding of my estranged daughter on July 25, 2015, on my Facebook page as well as in numerous Facebook groups and the like, I’ve received many requests for me to disclose my story – to come to some awareness of what caused this disaffection between my daughter and myself that has lasted for some 17 years now; a story that had become an abscess upon my very soul – a story that I’ve regarded to be too abstruse to communicate with anyone.
But with all the positive remarks, notes of concern, and sincere well wishes and prayers that so many of you have bequeathed upon me, maybe it is time to share my story. A story that deals with mental health issues concerning my ex-wife and the difficulty in trying to help a loved one with such afflictions along with the resulting symptoms of poor judgment, credit card addiction, sexual misbehaviors, abuse – both physical and mental – complete denial of anything being wrong, suicidal ideation, and episodes of severe mania, and my realization of just how difficult, indeed impossible, it is to get help for such an individual. All of which resulted in her abandoning me, kidnapping our children, forcing me to leave our home, and filing for a divorce as well as playing a pivotal role in the hostility between my daughter and me.
Attached are the 15 original allegations that my ex-wife had filed against me along with a list of all the documents, reports, and letters that disproved each one of these plus her original no-contact order that she had filed on Friday, June 11, 1999. If you wish to view how this all played out in the court system I’ve added the first of seven video episodes that I aspire to release periodically that speaks to this tragedy and the equally distressing outcomes that resulted from these actions as well as those from my ex-mother-in-law, ex-brother and sister-in law, along with two extremely biased, ill-informed, and tremendously prejudiced counsellors.
Feel free to download as-well-as share this material with any and all of your friends with the hopeful goal that everyone will attain some knowledge of how the Divorce Court operates and to gain an understanding of how these proceedings function. That no one wins, much is lost, and there are no real champions to be had with the ones who suffer the most being the children – particularly my daughter.
(http://youtu.be/it1dWODjk3A)

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rajuthomasv02@yahoo.co.in July 27, 2015

Perfectly described. But my son, has stayed with his narcissit mom and floated on to drug and sex trade. He is 19 in Houston Tx. Can anyone help.

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    Kim Saeed August 4, 2015

    Thank you for stopping by. I have found that in order to help someone, they must want the help and have the desire to change. Do you believe your son meets that criteria?

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Impostervictim May 29, 2015

Wow. That story is well written and explains a lot about the female narcs. My narc wife is a post graduate child protection worker and extremely cunning. I am battling a giant but she now reached the stage where she stumbles across her own lies and even lies to her own lawyer to make him look stupid. As we have a child together there is no way just to walk away. She’s using him as a shield so as her other children that she concealed to me for more than 2 years. It is so obvious how she behaves but the worst part is the ignorance of responsible people who should support an abuse victim.

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    Brian July 28, 2015

    That’s the thing….to them they’re not lying because their sense of reality is so distorted.

    Reply
V May 16, 2015

Wow just wow!!

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JN May 5, 2015

I searched many sites to try to understand what I was going through and why. I’m so glad I found this site. I decided to go no contact a few weeks ago but having children makes this difficult. However I have taken steps to better my own life as well as my children. I do agree with many things in this article and I do believe men are treated unfairly by the system as well as society in general when it comes to being abused. We’re taught as kids to suck it up and show no emotion while these she devils put us through hell and deplete us mentally, physically, not to mention financially. And when we do come forward about the nightmare of narcissistic abuse we are labeled as “woman haters” I hope this article reaches all those who have suffered the horrors of narc abuse, men as well as women, and we find ways to heal ourselves. The scars will probably always remain but if we can at least become aware and take the necessary steps to heal, we can move on and begin our recovery from this nightmare.

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WhatshouldIdo April 21, 2015

My grandma was a narccisist, and the more I get to know her the more I realize im very similar to her… Our personalities seem very similar.

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tpalmas April 13, 2015

Thank you so much Kim! I would substitute the word “her” for “him” in all of your material. I had to deal with 2 narcissistic women. Ex wife and current ex girlfriend. Both had played the damsel in distress role with me and it worked just perfectly on me! I was able to learn so much from what you posted and many of my questions were answered. I’ve just begun to move on and I finally found someone like myself who is “normal”. Once again I thank you so much Kim and I hope you continue to help others who are in such relationships that can’t distinguish reality from fiction. You’re a Godsend Kim.

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    Kim Saeed April 13, 2015

    Wow, thank you so much. Your message is very encouraging and made my day <3

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Anonymous April 9, 2015

The female I was involved with asked me if I was the best she ever had (because she wanted me to confirm she was the best she ever had) she used sex as a means to attempt to control me. She also cheated twice, and was a pathological liar. Everything in her life was a mirage of fake. I used to physically watch her personality morph when her family came into town. Everything is a contradiction. There are a set of rules, but they don’t apply to her and they always change. She was highly materialistic and always the victim under every circumstance. She was highly controlling, manipulative and dishonest. It was hell, but I’m happy that I got out. I’ve learned so much about boundaries, taking things slow, not falling for love bombing, and all the red flags I missed. The act of leaving was very empowering. What’s incredibly disgusting to me, is the fact she pushed me twice and at work she is the chairperson for a battered woman’s charity. Everything about her is fake. And she’s incredibly good at hiding who she really is.

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Kim April 7, 2015

Hi Kim, this is Kim (Male) unfortunate Female Narcissist fodder. I used a tactic that worked quite well for me, Media. I went all out on FB and exposed her to all. It pissed her off to no end and she tried to take me down but I got away. Currently happier than I’ve been in 15 years making more money and just got another raise with a relocation from Atlanta to the west coast from whence I came 35 yrs ago. At 52 yrs old, 6ft 210 lbs I am in better shape than when she laid her first deceitful line on me 15 yrs ago. My point was to let as many people as I could know about these…..things. People who know me take my advice to heart for I have always been a giving and generous Man. The next relationship I have I will request a list of her ten worst faults and if this is done (with review) I will know she is no Narc for a true Narc/sociopath can’t or won’t do this. I thank you for all your great articles. Recovering Narc Fodder – Kim Hollands

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    Jay January 30, 2017

    Cheers to you Kim. I will be remembering your story. All the best.

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DIL April 7, 2015

My mother in law is a malicious narcissist. I believe she did and does all of these things. When her husband finally caught on she left him (i think she thought he would chase her LOL). Then 10 years later her ex husband gets married (and she is livid with hatred against a woman that had nothing to do with her marriage breaking up (10 years previous) and…she left???). Then she disgustingly starting trying to pull these tricks on her sons (and me…now she hates me because I confronted her about what she was doing…long story). Now that she isn’t “beautiful” she is “sickly” and needs people to do everything for her. She never does what she is supposed to (to get better), she does the things that were explicitly forbidden by doctors. Then she wants everyone to come to her rescue when she is ill (often due to her own behaviors).

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Damian April 7, 2015

I am speechless! This recalled during my teenager years, when my mom and dad got divorced. This whole thing went downhill after the divorce. All I did was hearing my mother made too many negativity comment towards my father. This is the things that any children do not needs to hear about it. It is not good for the children in which they do need to live with negative impact in their lives. I tried my best to ignore the past problems that been riding on my mind.

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[…] 3 Common Evils of Narcissistic Women. […]

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Guy April 6, 2015

Omg, this is my wife I have been separated with since sept. And yes I want her back. Not because we have 4 kids but I do love her.

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    Anonymous May 16, 2015

    Good Lord don’t go back! ! Stay away and stay strong;-)

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Thatdoorwontopennow April 6, 2015

This seems to be the type of OW my STBX gravitates toward. They always play damsel in distress, always flaunt their ‘charms’, always need a little ‘help’, and always turn him inside out before it’s over. Thinking about this and his possible reasons for choosing this type over and over has given me some insight on why I let him come back so many times.

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Well written post.

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    Kim Saeed April 6, 2015

    Thank you 🙂

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Smile and Breathe April 6, 2015

Perfectly described. Having someone else acknowledge these things is so very emotional even still. Thank you for the recognition that it happens on both sides.

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RodMan April 6, 2015

You nailed this! Thank you for posting. A few months back, I used a poor choice of words by incorrectly stating that I thought female narcissists and borderlines cause even more havoc to their male mates then males cause to their female mates. I think I may have accidentally offended a few for saying that, and I am truly sorry. What I meant is exactly what you so wonderfully blogged about. It is the fact that the female disordered can get away with it so much easier, and there is much less sympathy or understanding for the male since we are supposed to be strong and unflappable. That was all I meant. My ex girlfriend has taken no accountability for the hell she caused me, and I am still awfully bitter for that. However, I take responsibility for the fact that I allowed her to get away with some of these bad behaviors early on for fear of her abandoning me…which she ended up doing anyway. My, my, my have I learned a lot this past couple years. I know that I will NEVER allow this to happen to me again. Thank you so much for this much needed post.

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bethbyrnes April 6, 2015

Good to balance the profile with this information. You nailed it as usual, Kim.

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    Kim Saeed April 8, 2015

    Thank you, Beth. It’s always nice to hear from you.

    Yes, this particular post was well-received, especially on Facebook. It seems it’s an area that needs further exploration…and might I add, you are absolutely stunning! Love your new gravatar pic (although the other one was equally as beautiful).

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Cho mo lung ma April 6, 2015

Reblogged this on Parental Alienation's dirty secrets , akin to Domestic Violence 40 yrs ago and commented:
It took a misdiagnosis of mental illness, years of abuse that was too often on a soul level and the acceptance of the rule of the women in his life who openly behaved as you describe , but with whom he felt comfortable with as I was his complete opposite in every way and utilized that to abuse me, thus our sons. Legal drugs and years of abusive , dismissive , mind controlling , emotional blackmailing or specks of “normal” It was his show

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tony April 6, 2015

You hit the nail on the head again. And they have the power to get Protection from Abuse orders using their deceitful lies and cunning and to win that Academy Award…..they are masters of evil…….

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jarwithaheavylid April 6, 2015

Well, well, well – this is exactly the projection my male narcissist used to say/still says about his ‘wife’. The kids! The money! The manipulation!

Great write up even for that respect. Thanks. 🙂

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    Adrian Wallace May 24, 2017

    Hi Kim,
    I really appreciate you sharing your knowledge on this with us men,
    I recently dated a female, no guesses what she was, it just about destroyed me, but not quite and I got away. 😉
    I just never saw it coming, is the truth, I had no idea they were there, but now I do and am so much wiser for it.
    I aspire to be an empath, I love and I will not stop loving humanity, and I still have that, so now I am wiser and stronger.
    Thank you again, because I needed answers and got them.
    – Adrian.

    Reply
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