A Letter from My Future Self as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Aug 12

~ by Amy L.

To My Present Self –

I know right now you feel scared and lost. The amount of pain you are in feels unbearable and you are scared to experience your feelings.

Right now you are afraid of the deep depression you think you may go into if you stop and allow yourself to grieve it all. I promise one day this will all make sense. You aren’t going through this in vain. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You will get there.

You have all the tools, remember to use them.  Don’t use alcohol, work, or other lovers as a way to escape. Please have patience with yourself; your soul is going through a transition. Reach out and connect with people when you need help. You are worth it.

I promise the pain will lessen each day and that the worst of it is over. If you need to cry, let yourself cry…no matter where you are.  Don’t hold back tears for other people’s comfort.  Be open, don’t allow yourself to stay secluded in your pain.

Take the time to learn to trust your instincts again, they are beautiful. One day you will use this pain and turn it around. Remember how resilient you are.

Use where you are right now as a tool to further your empathy and compassion for others. Fall in love with yourself.

Remember who you are. Allow God to heal you. Don’t hide. Don’t say you are okay when you are not. It is brave to share. Stay in the arena. I know how bad it hurts right now. I know you thought you were their soulmate, special and different. I know believing in that seemed to soothe your childhood wounds that made you feel you were not lovable or important…and I know when they took your dreams away by revealing their mask that those wounds became deeper.

This is your chance to heal the mistaken beliefs you hold about yourself. I am sorry you had to be hurt so deeply to remember that healing these wounds is a part of your journey. Please know that karma is inevitable… and you need do nothing for justice to be served.

Please stop thinking that connecting to them will bring you closure. It won’t. They bank on keeping you uncertain and imbalanced so they can continue to take from you.  Even if they have New Supply at the moment, their keeping you in a state of imbalance ensures that you’ll be around for back-up supply. Remember that. I know it hurts, but you have to be the one to never allow yourself to be manipulated again….

You are getting there, I promise. One day this will all make sense. Pray when you need to…and don’t give up…

Love,

Your Healed and Hopeful Future Self

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(26) comments

YesterdayAfter August 20, 2015

Hi I just came across your Blog, you’re doing an amazing job here! And this letter to yourself it is wonderfully written and a great way to encourage people during their darkest times! I am an Artist Designer and beside my Jewelry designs and visual creativity I somethimes like to write poems. I am going to link you here a poem I wrote remembering a darkest time of my life is tited “The Walk” I pass it on to inspire people to have hope during their dark journeys, here is my link:

http://yesterdayafter.com/2015/07/15/the-walk/

I would love for you to visit my Blog and maybe follow if you like!
Have a wonderful day

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Lynnae August 20, 2015

Wow this really hit on all the right notes for me down to the childhood wounds. It’s been 4 months since I went no contact and I feel I’m finally beginning to gain traction in the healing process. There are setbacks of course but I’m starting to feel hopeful for the future. I can now find gratitude that this happened so that I can stop the pattern of attracting narcissists and begin to truly love and value myself. Thank you so much for posting this. It will be something I will re-read many times I’m sure.

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[…] A Letter from My Future Self as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse. from Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed […]

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    Kim Saeed August 19, 2015

    Thank you for sharing <3

    Reply
A Letter from My Future Self as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse | From Torn 2 Pieces 2 Peace August 17, 2015

[…] A Letter from My Future Self as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse. […]

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Maria August 16, 2015

Thank you Kim for this beautiful post. This also came at the right time for me. It’s been 3 months for me and although I’m working on my healing; I have bad days like today where I need a little reminder that I will be okay and that this is all worth it! As I lay in bed and reflect on everything, sometimes I just get scared that I might never fully heal from all the pain. Why is it that I feel such a strong connection to someone who treated me so badly? I have a weak spot for him and part of me thinks is because he’s the father of my son, but I just want to speed my recovery and not feel any love for him. It’s hard to realize that although for him it was all an act, my feelings were all real. Thinking of how we were engaged to be married and how excited I was for it. However, I know that me following my instincts and discovering the truth about his lies and cheating and having the strength to leave him was the most painful yet best decision I’ve ever made.

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Mary Jane August 13, 2015

It is only 3 days out for me and I really really really need this to be true because i am so scared for myself and my kids but I know I can never go back and that nothing can be worse than us staying with my N husband. I know others have been single moms starting from nothing and that if they can do it, surely I can too.

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    Kim Saeed August 13, 2015

    Mary Jane, believe me, you have made a wise decision. Please know that even if you face financial difficulties, things are still better than staying in an abusive environment. Your kids will be better off for it, and you will, too. Kudos for taking a stand for yourself <3

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Brian August 13, 2015

Thank you Kim! I was talking about my ex’s crazy N behavior last week and my therapist said I should focus on why I felt compelled to allow that stuff in my life in the first place. For me I need to take time off from pursuing a new relationship and get myself back. I lost my confidence, my sense of humor, and her abuse opened up some childhood issues that I thought were buried long ago. It takes time to overcome premeditated cruelty from someone you love but I’ll regain myself. Atleast a N woman doesn’t hover hoping to keep every possible sexual outlet available like a N man. I just need to stay off her FB and quit driving by when I’m in the area. I’m slowing getting better.

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S August 12, 2015

Do you know me? Are you sure you haven’t been watching my entire existence? It feels like every word is about and for me… I’m 6 weeks out. I’ve cried an ocean of tears. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that the ‘soulmate’ I thought I had found was nothing but a deceptive lie. That I could feel so important and loved only to be dropped and replaced as soon as I started questioning the behaviour and standing up for myself. I want you to know, that the main thing that has got me through, is that even though I still contact him constantly, every time I fall into a pit of despair, I read your articles. They give me the strength to push forward to a better future.

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Kelsea August 12, 2015

Thank you Kim for this beautiful piece. I needed to read this- badly. It’s been a little over a month after I changed my phone number and have gone NC for the 100th time. We broke up over a year ago but the games continued. The “I’m still in love with you”, “I need you”, “no one else is like you” and we tried to make it work. As soon as I felt we were in a good spot- the verbal abuse, the crazy accusations and the gas lighting began. I allowed this in my life due to a childhood with an alcoholic mother and I believed that showing love was sticking through whatever pain I had to and one day it would all be repaid and she would quit drinking. My suffering became a chip in his/her game of selfishness. I am gaining strength but it is not easy. Telling myself daily that the feelings I have are not love, but sheer grief of not feeling accepted, needed or wanted by someone who doesn’t even love himself. He emailed me last week with a pity party- no apology, no recognition to the final incident that lead me to change my number and nothing that would benefit my hurt heart in any way. I have not responded and I will not. That’s something I couldn’t have done months ago. I was at his beckon call at any given time. No more. This is my life and I have so much love to give. One thing that helps me is to tell myself that is I could love someone as twisted as he is, imagine how much I could love someone who loves me in return. Keep fighting the good fight beautiful men and women. It will get easier.

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    Kim Saeed August 12, 2015

    Thank you for sharing, Kelsea, and for your generous motivation <3

    Reply
    Bsmithbflo August 18, 2015

    Beautiful and motivating. Thank you….

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mary August 12, 2015

What a truth this letter tells. Speaking for myself, I now realise that childhood wounds did cause me to tolerate the narcissist in my life. ….never feeling good enough and constantly seeking the approval I never got from my controlling mother. Having being subjected to control and silent treatment as a child, I guess it became the norm for me in all my adult relationships. I walked on egg shells for friends and partners. My last partner was a damaged man. I believe his controlling dad nurtured his narcissistic personality during childhood. Thankfully we broke up. ..his decision. But it was the wake up call I needed to take back control of my life. In a way I thank him. I saw him and others for what they were. I saw the breakup coming and wasn’t in love with him so it wasn’t heartache. My pain lay with myself and how I let others treat me because of my lack of self worth. I know that I will meet Mr right when the time is right. I’m looking after myself for now and appreciating who I am and what I have. …

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    Kim Saeed August 12, 2015

    Mary, when you can thank the person for the experience, it means you are truly healing and growing. Kudos to you and wishing you all the best in your continued recovery. <3

    Reply
My Info August 12, 2015

Wow!!!! This came at a perfect time for me too. It has helped me a lot. Many thanks

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    Kim Saeed August 12, 2015

    You’re welcome 🙂

    Reply
jsackett49 August 12, 2015

Thank God for you, Kim Saeed! You will never ever know how much your words and your posts have helped me and literally saved me some days. I will forever be grateful to you for sharing your pain and your story to me and the rest of the world. Xox❤️❤️❤️

Sent from my iPhone

>

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    Kim Saeed August 12, 2015

    Thank you for your kind praise, jsackett49, though this particular letter was written by one of my clients. I am grateful that she gave me permission to share it and I’m glad it has given you encouragement <3

    Reply
      Anonymous August 13, 2015

      Kim thanks for that, seems strange being among a group of females but in my case my ‘soulmate’ was a female. Been 15 months and I break down too because I lost everything but I feel God is taking me to ground zero so I can build myself into Majesty once again. When I took my ‘Golden Calf’ down off the shelf and put Christ back where he belongs the great things began but no lies, I miss the companionship, the romance. I miss Love, even if it was one way. I beat feet, moved 3700 Miles away away and changed my number. Not looking for love, just hoping. Thanks Kim

      Reply
Kristin Walker August 12, 2015

This is beautiful Kim. Thank you for writing and sharing.

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mbjuliet August 12, 2015

I love thisSent from Yahoo Ma

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Jules August 12, 2015

THANK YOU…..THANK YOU for this post today–timing is everything! I’m a year out and while the pain is less, I still have waves of sadness and for some reason this week has just been one of them. I’m printing this out and putting it up in my office as a gentle reminder that I am ok!

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preedy44 August 12, 2015

So beautifully written and also very accurate. Even though I’ve been out for some time, I remember back to how lost and desolate I felt at the time. I hope this awesome post reaches those who really need it right now.

I’m living proof that there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel and we can get through this as stronger, better people in spite (or actually because) of what we’ve been through.

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Pam August 12, 2015

Thank you for this post. I really needed it right now…at this moment…THANK YOU!!! Its been over 3 months. The pain and sadness comes in waves. And today its bad. Your post helped. Hugs.

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