How to Hand Over a Colossal Fortune to the Narcissist

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Jan 11
can you win against a narcissist

can you win against a narcissist

If you’ve tried going No Contact or have undergone numerous cycles of being discarded by your toxic partner, then you’ve likely experienced this scenario:

You’ve made it through four days of No Contact and are feeling pretty good about yourself and the future.  For that reason, you’ve planned an outing with a friend with whom you’ve rekindled your relationship after a long stint of isolation forced upon you by the narcissist. 

You’re picking out your outfit when your cell phone vibrates.  You look at the incoming message.  It’s from the Narc.

can you win against a narcissist

You feel slightly nauseated as you realize the Narc isn’t giving up so easily.  You decide to ignore the text and continue getting ready for the evening. 

Later at dinner, you’re laughing it up and talking about old times with your long-lost pal when you detect another buzz from your cell phone.  Against your better judgement, you look at it.

can you win against a narcissist

That’s funny, the last time you and the Narc had spoken about marriage, they told you – for your own good, of course – how you weren’t good marriage material…or even good relationship material, for that matter. Believing you’re still holding strong, you put your phone away–but you can’t seem to stop thinking about wedding invitations and a trip to St. Martin for your honeymoon–all while your friend talks about how great their New York cheesecake is.

At bedtime, you switch on your favorite comedy show, trying to forget the recurring thoughts of how you’re not getting any younger and marriage is beginning to seem like a distant pipe dream.  Your phone vibrates as if on cue:

can you win against a narcissist

Their Ex???  The one they’ve been cheating on you with for the past six months???  How dare they?  You pick up your phone in a rage and tap out a scathing reply, barely able to say enough bad things to your Ex about what a jerk they are.

JACKPOT!!

The Narc pulled the lever and got a reward.

Bear in mind, narcissists don’t care if your interactions with them are civil or not…good or bad, they just want a reaction from you. This shows them that they are still in your mind and it’s only a matter of time before you respond to their text hoovering.  What’s more, texting is the simplest and quickest way for them to continue wheedling themselves into every crevice of your psyche.

Read:  How Answering a Simple Text Message Can Ruin Your Life

Let’s not forget why you implemented No Contact to begin with. They were CHEATING on you.  They were abusing you; killing your spirit more each day.  Don’t let your feelings of abandonment and betrayal cloud your judgement – which is easy to do and also why blocking the Narcissist by any means is crucial when you want to sever the relationship.

Change your phone number and email address if need be.  Do WHATEVER it takes because any sliver of contact is all the Narcissist needs in order to know they can get you back under their control and manipulative, abusive regime.

What to do:

Find a way to completely block the Narc – whether you do it alone, or with the help of a trusted friend.  You may even be able to block them through your service provider.  If so, let someone else be in charge of the password.

Don’t spend too much time researching all the hundreds of behaviors and sub-categories of your toxic Ex’s disorder.  Instead, research transformational healing methods and begin experimenting with them.

(If you believe you may be depressed and/or experiencing symptoms of PTSD, seek the services of a licensed therapist.)

Lastly, if you share custody with the Narcissist, you can implement a strict form of modified contact. In most states, you only have to have one way for the other parent to contact you regarding children that you share.  Insist on email communications and end the ‘He Said/She Said’ with a supervised email system, such as Our Family Wizard.

Can you win against a narcissist?  Yes, as long as you don’t hand over a colossal fortune by responding to their epic tomfoolery.  Keep those lines of communication blocked.

Copyright 2015 Let Me Reach and Kim Saeed

If I quit now, I will soon be back to where I started. And when I started I was desperately wishing to be where I am now.” – Unknown

 

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(6) comments

Freya Lock January 23, 2016

I enjoyed reading your article, and no contact would be lovely. There are 2 problems with that! 1, we have a child together who no longer wants to see him after being slapped (that is the tip of the iceberg) but I am also having to fight in court and defend why l am sticking up for the rights of my daughter while he paints me as the worst mother ever! Recovery is not something I can see in my life until she is 16. She is 12 now.

Reply
    Kim Saeed January 26, 2016

    Hi Freya. I can relate to your situation as I share a son with my N-Ex. I can thankfully say that after doing lots of self-work over the past three years, I am no longer affected by my Ex at all. Recovery is possible, but it does take a lot of work. However, I’d like to add that recovery doesn’t mean that we won’t be triggered or experience moments of sadness or grief, because most of our wounds developed earlier in life. Growth is a life-long process. B

    Reply
Lynette d'Arty-Cross January 18, 2016

Very, very true. I went no contact (it was no response but at the time I regarded it as no contact) years ago. It’s funny how he will still try every 18 months or so. They never really give up.

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Pieces of Bipolar January 16, 2016

Thank you for this invaluable information. My guy’s ex-wife is a narcissist and we are in the process of learning how to deal with her.

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jennifer harper January 14, 2016

Thank you! Was seconds away from breaking NC.

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Den January 13, 2016

Kim, As I read this, I identify with each and every point! It makes me smile and almost chuckle if it wasn’t so sad and devastating at the same time. The idea of how they are just looking for a reaction good or bad, is so very true. We have to remember this point if we ever ruminate that “if we only did this or that differently…” Because no matter what we did in any certain way, it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. The only thing to always remember is, “No Contact”

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