The Narcissist’s Secret Playground – Burning Man

By Kim Saeed | Contemplating No Contact

Apr 22

*Warning* – Do not read this article if you are faint of heart regarding topics of a sexual nature

I almost didn’t write this article…mainly because I didn’t want to give any ideas to the followers I have who are themselves narcissists…who follow my blog because they discovered their partner does, and so they monitor my site in an attempt to stay ahead of the game.

But, I decided I’d be doing more good than harm by informing all of my followers about the latest narcissistic craze.

Burning Man.

Now, I’m not saying that every person who attends this event is a narcissist, because there is a cultural  and spiritual element to it…many lives have been changed because of Burning Man.

But, culture and spirituality are not what your sneaky partner is seeking when he or she buys their ticket.

Unless you are into open relationships and the likelihood of your partner having sex with multiple people while attending this event, you may be scarred for life.  It’s definitely not something Empathic, Introverted HSPs can take lightly.

Seriously, if you’re at all sensitive or have high standards around monogamy and your partner has mentioned this event to you – even casually – you should seriously consider that there may be a critical compatibility issue in the relationship which will result in your being traumatized.

The Good

Burning Man apparently promotes academics and being green.  Their mission statement is:

A temporary metropolis dedicated to community, art, self-expression, and self-reliance. In this crucible of creativity, all are welcome.

 And that’s precisely what the festival represents for most people who attend.

But, there’s a different element to the event that’s not fully described on the site.  While there is mention of sexual “adventure”, what they don’t really reveal is just how shocking the sexual aspect of the event can be.  

Burning Man doesn’t coordinate the sexual activities available there, but allows shop owners to establish various “sex tents” on-site.

So, what ‘s the great attraction to Burning Man as it pertains to your narcissistic partner?  I did some research on the subject since it’s become a recurring struggle among many of my coaching clients whose partners have been there or are making plans to attend.

I’ll give it to you straight–so you can compare notes in the event your partner may be planning to reserve their spot (or you discover their intentions without their telling you) – and it’s not because they want to check out the creative art.

The Low-Down

The media images available on the internet make Burning Man appear as a modern-day Woodstock.  Many describe it as a healing experience–which makes it unfortunate that so many of my clients have been traumatized by the event based on the reasons their toxic partners have gone there.

Following is a sampling of why the narcissist wants to go to Burning Man, which is held in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada:

  • Threesomes
  • Partner Swapping
  • Prostitutes (who are willing to do ANYTHING)
  • Orgies of all flavors (such as this one here)
  • Classes on sadomasochism
  • Tantric sex workshops
  • Oral sex contests
  • Women and men walking around naked or in lingerie

Beautiful sexy woman walking in lace lingerie through desert

…and these activities are vanilla in nature compared to other things I discovered that I can’t write about here.

This year’s festival will be held Aug 27, 2017 – Sep 4, 2017, in case your partner suddenly wants to go on a trip and “bond with the guys” or go “glamping” with her girlfriends.

This event might be kosher for individuals of an adventurous spirit, but it’s definitely not for the faint of heart. Many eager folks who considered themselves as being in open relationships – believing they’d be accepting of the whole Burning Man experience – ended up parting ways after attending.

I can definitely say after having worked with clients whose partners attended the festival, it was one of the most traumatic experiences for them in regards to the betrayal they endured.

For those of you who are in this predicament and are afraid that disagreeing with your partner’s going to Burning Man makes you an old-fashioned, close-minded prude, that’s simply not the case.  All parties in relationships are entitled to deal-breakers.

It’s one thing to agree to your partner going on a week-long fishing trip with the bros, but another entirely to give them the green-light to attend Burning Man.

As for the school of thought that states, “we’re two separate entities that love and respect each other. All healthy relationships should be based on being two independent people choosing to come together and stay together out of friendship and love, not obligation.”—well, if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, this mindset doesn’t apply given the nature of lies and concealment that narcissists engage in.

Narcissism aside, healthy relationship guidelines don’t include feeling obligated to allow your significant other to go into the middle of the desert with naked people.  Where drugs, an all-inclusive menu of sexual choices, and willing playmates are available around every corner.

If you’re not okay with it, you have the right to say so.  Allow the other person to make their decision, and if they choose to go after knowing how upsetting it would be to you, then you have the right to end the relationship. 

You wouldn’t need to present this as an ultimatum.  Simply pack your things while they’re gone and hit the road…

Copyright © 2017 Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach. All Rights Reserved

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(21) comments

Ring June 24, 2017

First person who came to mind when I saw this email was Charles Manson.

No doubt these people will be showing up at the “free clinic” too.

‘Nuff said.

Reply
MARZENA June 21, 2017

Living in the San Francisco Bay Area, I got so used to people being openly promiscuous, involved in open relationships and being polyamorous, that a monogamy or the sacredness of relationship, feel like foolish relicts from a time gone by. I got so burned by narcs several times in a row (husband of 20 years, bf of 5, and two other flings), that my heart it totally shot down to the possibility of ever trusting a man again. I wouldn’t even know how to make the first step in this direction. I know that it’s probably not true, but I see all man as sleazy now, especially the good looking ones.

I personally know people who went to the Burning Man. My last BF (a narc), chatted about them with a great excitement. Now I understand why…

On another note, The Burning Man is not the only place where the narcs flock looking for lightworkers. I met mine at the …. Law Of Attraction Seminar! He since infiltrated several local Law Of Attraction Meetup groups, meditation assemblies and retreats – all the while swearing to me that I was the only one…

You were right in your warning, Kim, that the article and the comments are not for the faint in heart. Call me a dinosaur, they made me sick to my stomach….

Reply
Anonymous June 20, 2017

I am in shock this covert NARC I met went to BM I was upset but now I know everything I needed to know…and I feel worse…

Reply
Annie O. Rachid May 1, 2016

With a narc, or possible sociopath there IS-or could be-a very real threat of sexual coercion. This is goes from being very unlikely in a one on one shared sexual relationship, to almost certainly likely in the event of group, or mob sexual environments. Add to that altered states of consciousness, and the odds are very high that one could be traumatized for life. I’ve never been to Burning Man, but there are other similar groups all over the world, with the same recipe for sociopath sexual abuse. They will suck your energy dry, and then your stuck with all of the twisted memories. Consent is above all else, it has to be certain, and to not have direct and complete sexual consent is either coercion or assault–even if it is not physically violent, or physically obvious, it is still forced sexual consent.

Reply
rmdoherty April 29, 2016

I am seriously disturbed when reading about these narcissistic jerks that think they are gods gift to humanity. I do recall my ex talking about wanting to go to Burning Man with his twin Brother and my ex sister-in-law. Of course he was always making these grandiose plans (Like he time he and his bother decided that they would be the Tupperware Twins delivering parties in only kitchen aprons). Anyway, he begged me to participate in group sex, including with my brother and sister in-law. Part of his excuse for exercising his sexual addiction was the fact that I would not cross certain lines. He forced me to cross other lines but nobody was around for me to consent to. I feel for all of you that have had a narc in your life, I want to say that everything will be OK once we leave and that time heals but the truth is that we will never be the same again. At least we now know that we are not alone and that we are indeed sane after-all.

Reply
Kim Saeed April 25, 2016

A truly beautiful comment, Noelle <3

Reply
Kay April 23, 2016

My ex started to date a new woman. He would call and tell me about how they swing and how happy he is with her. That he has never experienced such a love before etc etc

Reply
    susanbotchie April 25, 2016

    Dear Kay, think the love bombing will outlast the other woman’s money?

    Reply
    marzenajones@gmail.com June 21, 2017

    Kay – just give them time. She will be missing a half of her brain soon and looking for a shrink, You just watch.

    Reply
Jamie April 22, 2016

You are talking about a very small subset of the burning man population. I’ve been 14 times. This is a place of great healing acceptance and inclusion and love. It has healed so so many souls.

Reply
    susanbotchie April 24, 2016

    Dear Jamie, sounds pagan. As for the “small subset”, take a tall glass of water and mix 1/8th of a teaspoon of your neighbor’s snot…enjoy 😉

    Reply
      Erin June 20, 2017

      susanbotchie, there isn’t anything wrong with being pagan. Are you suggesting that an activity or event is inherently suspect due to being religious in nature?

      As for swinging, tantra, and bdsm, they are personal lifestyle choices which can be safely pursued with consenting adults, and is a small part of the mainstream population as well, not at all pagan-specific. These are all arenas in which narcs can manipulate and coerce unsuspecting victims, which may or may not be pagan in nature, and in most cases in society, are not. Paganism is irrelevant to the concerns expressed by this article.

      Reply
      Marzena June 21, 2017

      Susanbotchie – The snot drink is a brilliant idea. Couldn’t agree more. Yes, Dear Jamie, enjoy it.

      Reply
    Lisa McCue April 27, 2016

    My Narc went to Burning Man as his final blow to me during a discard. It was the single worst emotional trauma I have ever experienced, including losing both of my parents, divorce, etc. As a 55 year old, he came back with videos of a naked- blond- 20 yr old girl – stoned off her ass dancing to bohemian music… and he actually stood there for 10 mins and recorded it. He also wanted me to sign a ‘cock – sucking covenant ‘ with him when he got back. He thought “I would think it was funny? and meaningful”. I literally was on the verge of a nervous breakdown while he was there.

    With that said, can you tell me if is it possible for someone to go there and be immersed in all of it and not have any kind of sexual encounter?

    Reply
      Kim Saeed April 27, 2016

      Hi Lisa…thank you for sharing your experience. I am sorry you had to endure that…

      Regarding your question, Burning Man offers so many different things. Some of my followers have friends that have gone to BM for years and never knew about the sexual element.

      It all depends on one’s intention when they go. I would imagine that those who go for the sexual aspect of the event would likely do so with the intent of exploring the different things available there in that regard – Narcissists being of that ilk, for sure.

      Reply
      Anonymous May 14, 2016

      Wow. speechless. where have you been dear Kim Saeed?? My life for the past 2.5 years resonantes with nearly everything you say here and having only coming to terms and the realization I am in fact NOT crazy, as one narc (and sadly the baby daddy) continually pointed out, but literally was driven crazy and as if he hadn’t put me through enough hell to last 1000 lifetimes he was recently appointed 50/50 custody of my daughter he had zero time for until playing victim in the family court. @Lisa McCue this man I knew over 12 years who was the kindest soul and treated me like a queen until he didn’t anymore chose to attend BM not only for our daughter’s first bday, but her 2nd as well. The very bday I was finishing packing our home due to the loss of my job having been overwhelmed, stressed and distraught from our ‘final break up’ and then finding out he slept with a woman i repeatedly stated made me very uneasy. Even addressed her prior to this encounter and they still made the decision to have a little fling until he moved on to the next one that lasted over a year and even though I asked him to be truthful about his love life he would promise there was nobody and that I was “paranoid, fabricated ridiculous ideas and had mental issues”. I began to of course feel pretty crazy and Kim thank you for expressing info regarding psychic hoovering, energy vamps and cutting cords – I find it often difficult to carry on such a conversation bc very few people grasp this understanding or pretend to know while running off mid sentence haha. THANK U for this site and everyone for your comments too!

      Reply
        Kim Saeed May 14, 2016

        Hi Someone…I’m very happy to know my article and site have given you a little boost of validation! Thank you for sharing your story and I’m happy to know you’re out of that misery!

        Kim
        XoXo

        Reply
    Lisa April 27, 2016

    @ Jamie ….My Narc went to Burning Man as his final blow to me during a discard. It was the single worst emotional trauma I have ever experienced, including losing both of my parents, divorce, etc. As a 55 year old, he came back with videos of a naked- blond- 20 yr old girl – stoned off her ass dancing to bohemian music… and he actually stood there for 10 mins and recorded it. He also wanted me to sign a ‘cock – sucking covenant ‘ with him when he got back. He thought “I would think it was funny? and meaningful”. I literally was on the verge of a nervous breakdown while he was there.

    With that said, can you tell me if is it possible for someone to go there and be immersed in all of it and not have any kind of sexual encounter?

    Reply
      Maria June 20, 2017

      Don’t worry about that the one that I met went for that purpose let’s face they are perturbs and that they only are trying to escape from themselves …no real lives …

      Reply
    Maria June 20, 2017

    What’s exactly what you healed?

    Reply
yearlonguturn April 22, 2016

Had no idea. Cool share.

Reply
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