If you’re feeling lonely and yearn for someone to fill a space in your heart, creating an online dating profile might seem like the logical thing to do. With the billions of people on dating sites world-wide , there must be a person out there who is perfect for you, right?
Imagine meeting someone for the first time, the two of you gazing at one another over dinner, barely able to talk due to the butterflies in your stomach. Before you know it, barely a week has gone by and you’re imagining the contemporary wall art in your shared living room and the magnificent vacations the two of you will take together while sipping cocktails out of coconut shells (with little umbrellas poking out of them).
Gosh, wouldn’t it be just cozy to share the winter holidays with someone this year?
Hold that thought. First off, if you’re feeling lonely and anxious to meet someone, it’s actually the worst time for you to look for love online…especially if you are trying to get over a recently-ended relationship.
In fact, if you are feeling needy, lonely, or still hurting from a recent breakup, you are the perfect target for narcissists and other emotional predators. In this state, you are primed for being love-bombed, conditioned, and hooked.
How do you know who’s “really” on the other side of the computer? How do you discern whether someone you might be meeting is who they say they are?
There’s no way to know for sure, whether you meet someone online or at the grocery store. Only time will reveal someone’s true character. However if you’re still eager to find love online, you can save yourself lots of time and heartache by avoiding these three dating sites, which are hotbeds for narcissists and other toxic manipulators:
1 – Tinder
According to Google Play, “Tinder is the world’s most popular dating app. More than 9 billion matches have been made through Tinder. Try it and you’ll see why Time magazine called Tinder “The World’s Hottest App.” *It’s FREE and takes only 60 seconds to set up.”
When you read this description as a lonely love-seeker, you might focus on the fact that nine billion people use the app and that it’s being touted by Time magazine. There’s bound to be a match for you on this “trusted” site, right?
A narcissist sees ‘nine billion, free, and 60 seconds”. Translated – quick, free, endless supply. Further, Tinder may seem harmless, but it encourages promiscuity, relying on a “hook-up” culture that is irresistible to sex-crazed narcissists. It’s quite possible that the sweet and decent person you chose based on their Facebook friends and interests is actually a lying, cheating scumbag.
The last place an empathic, intuitive person would want to meet someone is on Tinder. Sure, the company behind the app may boast users getting engaged and married all over the place, but based on the comments I’ve read on my site and other forums, it’s bad news. Bad, traumatizing news. Find out for yourself on Tinder Nightmares, the Instagram account which illustrates the quality of people using the app.
2 – Plenty of Fish
POF boasts “more dates, more relationships, more visits than any other dating site. There are over 3 million active daily users on POF, we are the largest dating site. You know of at least 1 person that has found someone on POF. You never have to pay to message anyone!”
POF has been featured on popular magazines and they brag of their “Relationship Needs” assessment, which supposedly matches you with the partner of your dreams.
In reality, the users behind many POF profiles are fake. Scammers who are looking to take money and assets from unsuspecting love-seekers. These defrauders are often narcissists and other predators. I personally tried POF a couple of years back and was approached by someone who tried unwaveringly to talk me into a dominant/submissive arrangement (with me being the submissive), other men who wanted me to try threesomes with them and their wives/girlfriends, and several who wanted me to send them more pictures – full-body and otherwise. (BIG red flag!)
POF is a big thumbs-down for anyone looking for a genuine, reciprocal relationship. There may be one or two genuine people on the site, but who’s got time to wade through the freaks and predators? But don’t take my word for it. Check out what this user had to say about POF:
Seems the staff at POF aren’t overly concerned with the user experience. Learn more here: Sitejabber.com
3 – OkCupid
According to their website, “OkCupid is the only dating app that finds you matches based on what you really care about…and it’s 100% FREE. That’s why it’s the highest-rated dating app on earth!”
What they fail to tell you is that their dating service is like Tinder and POF rolled into one.
Sure, they have decent ratings, but the truth is that narcissists are fond of OKCupid because they can basically sleep with and deceive as many people as humanly possible. Besides, you can’t really take the positive ratings at face value because a lot of them are left by people who have an interest in the company.
Does this scenario seem familiar?
You’ve met someone on the site and before long, it seems the two of you have a lot in common. After establishing a small amount of rapport, the person on the other side of your pc screen says they feel a deep connection with you and wants to know if you’re ready to take your budding relationship off of the site. They suggest giving you their personal email so the two of you can see where things lead.
This could well be their very first attempt at isolating you. If the person is a narcissist, of course they want to get you off of the site because then no one else can woo you, which gives them a much higher chance of successfully grooming you into their perfect supply.
The Bottom Line
While this article highlights three favorite dating sites used by narcissists and other predators, you will encounter these same issues on most any dating site. If you still feel the urge to find love online, make sure you follow these basic rules: do a background check for anyone you plan to date seriously, don’t give out your address, don’t send extra pictures (definitely NO full-body pics), and don’t get too personal too fast. Above all, don’t let a stranger convince you to do anything that feels uncomfortable.
Join thousands of subscribers who are UPPING their dating game and ditching the users and losers.
Kim Saeed is a narcissistic abuse recovery expert on a mission to help abuse survivors to heal, find purpose, and live joyfully after No Contact. She also hosts a podcast called Heal, Grow, Evolve, where she aims to help people create meaningful lives and relationships after emotional abuse. Listen and subscribe at www.healgrowevolvewithkim.com