The more fear you have, the less love you have. The more love you have, the less fear.
Fear is often realized in our relationships as pressure. You pressure your partner to act in a certain way, or you feel like you’re being pressured to behave like your partner wants. This is a poor basis for a relationship, and you have to get past pressuring and feeling pressure if you want a really good relationship.
Pressure is fear: one partner is afraid that the other partner’s behavior will result in the end of the relationship somehow, so the partner requests or demands a certain behavior. Any attempt to control the actions of another person is based on fear.
Another form of pressure in a relationship, besides outright attempts to control behavior, is expectation. One partner has a certain preconceived idea about how the relationship “should” be (usually based on observing some other relationship(s) in real life or on TV or in movies). When their own relationship doesn’t fit the prescribed model, they become afraid that something is wrong.
To have a healthy relationship, don’t try to force it into a mold that you wrongly think is right. Let it develop as it will, and learn from watching it happen. Let your partner be and enjoy the relationship while it lasts.
Maybe it won’t last. You don’t know. You don’t control that. But the freedom you give to your partner by not trying to pressure or expect unreasonable outcomes will come back to you in the form of a great relationship—if you’re with the “right” person (if there is such a thing).
If your partner leaves despite the lack of pressure or takes advantage of the freedom by being unfaithful, the next one will probably be better. Life rewards you when you do well by removing the negative and replacing it with the positive. Don’t be afraid of letting your partner be him- or herself. Enjoy that person. If they’re “right” for you, they’ll stay. If not, you just dodged a bullet.
Author Bio – Ven Baxter lives in Florida, where he works as a canoe outfitter, teaches, writes, and enjoys being father to his three children. You can find this article on his blog, Ven Baxter – Go deep into the nooks and crannies of life and the human experience…
When you have healthy self-love, you free yourself from whatever is blocking you from receiving genuine, non-toxic love. You start manifesting your heart’s desires and opening to your brightest future.
Self-love is the most genuine, lasting, self & life makeover. It dissolves negative self-concepts and stories, transforms problems, heals pain, and opens you to whole new levels of love, joy, freedom, empowerment and success.
Some of the biggest blocks to self-love are the BELIEFS you hold about yourself. I can tell you that my own life, romantic and otherwise, only transformed after I healed the negative beliefs I held about myself. Give yourself the gift of self-love and experience how profoundly and beautifully it transforms you and your reality.
Kim Saeed is a recognized relationship and new life educator specializing in helping narcissistic abuse survivors to heal, rebuild, find purpose, and live joyfully after No Contact. In 2013, she founded Let Me Reach, a life transformation company that teaches people to flourish after toxic relationships.