Regrets are a Waste of Time

By Kim Saeed | Living Joyfully after No Contact

Oct 03
Regrets are a waste of time

There are times when life seems to deliver us unfavorable messages.  By replaying the same sorrowful telegram, we keep our minds in a fixed position of loss.  We concentrate with laser beam focus on one piece of a larger puzzle.  We waste time and energy responding to the pain of loss while trying to lick our wounds (which are now self-inflicted, as we are the ones calling forth this painful memory).  

Instead of mulling over and over (and over) a permanently etched history, how about taking a more productive approach?  Introspection: mining for the diamonds of the experience rather than constantly surveying the damage.  How many inspections do you need to tell you the building is destroyed?  Oh, but the moment you discover that gleaming stone laying in the rubble! As you pick it up and take a closer look, find it to be of more value than the entire building (the event that has occurred).  Now we’re talking!  There is obvious treasure in every good experience, but this mining process allows us to unlevel hidden jewels in the earth of our disappointments.  

By getting stuck on the event itself, many people cannot extract it. Not realizing the event is just an invitation to discover what hides in the depth. It is not a black hole where future hopes and dreams vanish into obscurity.  It is more like a darkened theater that brightens when the curtains draw open into the next scene.  Instead of a dreaded fate, it should be considered a time of hopeful anticipation.  The room gets dark, so something new can be seen.  The night falls, to prepare for a new day.  Something was lost, so another could be found.  That scene has ended, so this one can begin.   

I have learned that one way of handling perceived misfortune, is to focus on what can be gained from it and used to our benefit.  Scan the field for something good about the situation, surely there are some.  Each time you look for benefits buried in the bad, you sharpen your excavation tool (the mental faculty that allows you to recognize advantage and opportunity). Moving past regret expedites the rebuilding process.  Finding hidden treasures add value to us as a result of the experience.  Understanding that the curtain closes to reveal another story, gives us hope.  May we never again be depreciated by a wasted disappointment, as there are diamonds that lie in the ruins.

Copyright 2016.  Lolisha Chaney.

About the Author

lolisha-2Lolisha Chaney is a freelance writer and inspirational speaker from the San Francisco Bay Area, CA.  As a depression survivor, she draws upon the wealth of knowledge gained from her journey to emotional wholeness.  Lolisha has accepted the call to a higher lifestyle with a focus on helping others by telling her story with refreshing candor that resonates with the human experience.  This work is used to inspire others to remodel their lives from the inside-out; getting life together, one thought at a time.

 

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About the Author

Kim Saeed is a narcissistic abuse recovery expert on a mission to help abuse survivors to heal, find purpose, and live joyfully after No Contact. She also hosts a podcast called Heal, Grow, Evolve, where she aims to help people create meaningful lives and relationships after emotional abuse. Listen and subscribe at www.healgrowevolvewithkim.com

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(11) comments

Starr October 4, 2016

Ok, this is so on point.
I always said, once I can say thank you to that box of darkness my ex gave me, I know that I am learning and lifting up.

Thank you for this article. WOW, just wow.

Reply
Kimmy October 3, 2016

This spoke to me so much!! I have been crying over the destroyed building too long. Thank you for sharing this.

Reply
Victor E October 3, 2016

I love this article Kim. Perfect timing. A great reminder to search for the diamonds, while not wallowing in the mud. Thank you, Victor

Reply
    Kim Saeed October 12, 2016

    Thank you, Victor! I hope Lolisha sees your comment. She is a truly talented writer.

    It’s great to see you hanging around. Hope you’re doing well!

    Kim

    Reply
    Lolisha Glt Chaney April 24, 2017

    Thank you so much! You don’t belong in the mud, you belong in your shine with the diamonds! 💎✨

    Reply
Tammy October 3, 2016

This is just A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! Amazing, amazing,amazing healing. THANK YOU!!

Reply
    Kim Saeed October 3, 2016

    I’m glad to know it resonated with you, Tammy! I hope Lolisha, the author, sees your comment! 🙂

    Reply
    Lolisha Glt Chaney April 24, 2017

    I am so greatful for being able to share the gift of something that was so painful, but has brought healing to many!! 🙂

    Reply
    Lolisha Glt Chaney April 24, 2017

    Tammy, You are amazing! For wanting and fighting for a better life💖 Thank you!

    Reply
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