Why would a Narcissist leave, only to later express a desire to return to the relationship?
What would cause the Narcissist to hurt and betray you deeply, only for them to come back, seemingly having had a change of heart?
Why does the Narcissist adamantly try to convince you to give them another chance, only to revert to their cruel ways after you’ve forgiven them, and worse…it’s not the first time it’s happened?
As a person who loves the narcissist, your tendency may be to accept their seemingly justifiable excuses and give them yet another chance.
However, the painful truth is that the Narcissist’s Return Cycle is being employed on you. Watch the video below to see if any of the narcissist’s tricks apply to you and your situation.
Most people don’t choose to be in a relationship with a narcissist. It’s a subconscious process. We typically become attracted to someone who reminds us on some level of one of our parents or another childhood authority figure.
When we take the narcissist back (sometimes repeatedly), we are essentially trying to recreate and repair the traumatic childhood memories and emotional injuries we sustained when we, as young and innocent children, couldn’t understand or process why we were ignored, neglected, invalidated, and/or abused. Ultimately, we internalized the abuse and mistreatment as meaning we were innately bad and there was nothing we could do about it.
In the world of psychotherapy, this tendency is referred to as repetition compulsion, which was coined by Sigmund Freud as “the desire to return to an earlier state of things.”
Narcissists are masters at figuring out what our weaknesses, wounds, and fears are. Since most of these developed during our childhood, it only stands to reason that they choose to push buttons that trigger our childhood wounds. In fact, the narcissist brings the childhood wounds that we’ve suppressed from our subconscious minds to the conscious, turning our innermost sufferings into everyday reality. This is precisely how they keep us compliant and obedient – and enmeshed in a relationship with them.
If you’re tired of cycling back to the narcissist,only to be tortured in return…if you’re ready to take control of your life and stop being a receptacle for the narcissist’s negative energy and triangulation efforts, there is hope…
Kim Saeed is a recognized relationship and new life educator specializing in helping narcissistic abuse survivors to heal, rebuild, find purpose, and live joyfully after No Contact. In 2013, she founded Let Me Reach, a life transformation company that teaches people to flourish after toxic relationships.