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5 Ways to Crush It if the Narcissist Pulls Their Holiday Disappearing Act

It’s that time of year again. While the rest of the world is excitedly preparing for the holiday season, you may be on pins and needles, wondering what kind of games and tricks the narcissist has up their sleeve.

Will they disappear, as they always do, two days before Christmas? Will they get you that engagement ring you’ve been fantasizing about, or give it to someone else whom they’ve been grooming behind your back?

Or worse, will they move out just as you and the kids are opening presents on Christmas Day?

In this video, learn what to do if the narcissist pulls their holiday disappearing act so you can hold your head high and enjoy the holidays despite what might be going on around you…

I truly hope this video helps you prepare beforehand so you can enjoy the holiday season this year despite any shenanigans the narcissist might be up to.  You deserve to experience the spirit of the holiday season.  

I’d love to see your questions and comments.  Feel free to join the conversation!

Copyright 2017.  Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach

Grab your holiday download below!  Learn more about how to navigate the holidays with the narcissist!

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and prepare for a better holiday season in spite of the Narcissist!

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19 comments
Angie Sarver says April 4, 2018

I’m completely lost on how to handle my situation, the hovering never stops. He has 3 felony charges pending now an it hasn’t slowed him down. One day he is perfect, being the perfect man always going out of his way to make me happy, the next he becomes a monster with no concious. Trying no contact an it is making him 10 times worse. He shows up at work, at home, friend an family’s homes. He goes crazy an then pretends as if nothing ever happened. I’m scared an can’t seek help because everyone who comes around me gets hurt to. I pacifi him all the time it’s the only way to make it stop. But now that isn’t helping I feel trapped. And yes that’s the narcissistic plan from day one. Its all about control he gets off on knowing he can make you submissive without touching you.

Reply
    Kim Saeed says April 16, 2018

    Hi Angie, it sounds like you need to get a restraining order. That’s what I had to do.

    Kim

    Reply
Easter – The Narcissist’s Spring Wrecking Ball - Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed says March 31, 2018

[…] If you are to feel any type of happiness, it will have to be at their hand, so they will often bring you to a low point on a holiday, then attempt to bring you back up (i.e., a discard and subsequent […]

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Dan says December 25, 2017

I find this quite helpful, especially on this Christmas. My “narcissistic discard” took place about a year ago. My ex-boyfriend, (as to make the point that this doesn’t just happen to straight people,) had a complete change of attitude and personality and ended up completely abandoning me. We had plans, had started learning a few new games, had started watching a couple of new series, and had plans as to what we wanted to do later than week and throughout the next few months. Then, he was gone from my life in any sort of romantic way. (We still had to work together.) This occurred without warning or explanation, six days after New Years, after we had spent what I thought was a wonderful Christmas and New Years together. If that wasn’t bad enough, he spent the next four months, until his family moved, antagonizing me: walking past me as if we were never even friends, not seeming to care about anything we had shared or anything that he had said and/or promised, not answering texts, calls, messages, or whatnot, telling people awful things about me behind my back, (when only a week before he had been praising me and us,) avoiding having to talk to me about anything that wasn’t work related, and not giving me even five minutes of his time to provide me with any sort of apology, regret, explanation, or closure of any kind. To this day, I have no idea what happened. I can say, however, that no experience has ever hurt me so much, for so long, or has left me with as many self doubts and abandonment issues.

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Selina Lothrop says December 9, 2017

I truly enjoy everything u say..it is so spot on..ur helping me recover day by day

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Linda says December 7, 2017

I truly enjoy your insight, Kim. I certainly needed this, and although I struggle with so much hurt and confusion right now, it does indeed help in trying to piece things together for me. Thank you!

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    Kim Saeed says December 8, 2017

    I’m so happy to know my video helped you with clarity and also validation that you made the right decision for yourself, Linda! Wishing you all the best on your healing journey!

    Kim XoXo

    Reply
      Linda says December 8, 2017

      I still struggle so much with the detachment, the feeling of needing to hear from this narcissist, Kim. After a five year relationship, it has been 4 months now of no contact. No children involved, thankfully, but I truly feel broken. Is there a certain program/book, etc., that you would suggest to get this healing process to speed up? I physically, and mentally hurt!

      Reply
Prisca says December 5, 2017

So wonderful to be able to understand this. I wish I would have known this when I allowed the narcissistic to destroy and ruin all my holidays. This is so empowering and enlightening. I can stand up tall this Christmas and be so thankful for my family without the narcissist

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    Kim Saeed says December 6, 2017

    Wow, Prisca, thank you for your kind words. I hope you have a lovely Christmas this year with your family!

    Kim XoXo

    Reply
Jenny H says December 5, 2017

Hi Kim, Thank you for all your great videos and articles. My ex-narc husband never ghosted during the holidays. He did always control things with his job. When just about everyone took Christmas Eve off work — he always worked that day unless we went out-of-town. And he was the CFO of the company he worked at and most of the people in his office took the day off, so it wasn’t like her worked retail. I never understood it. He even did this after our kids were born and he could have spent time with us or he could have been around to help with holiday preparations or help take care of the kids when I was doing everything. He ghosted this way for most holidays. He never ever could take the day off at Christmas unless we went out-of-town. He never could take any the holidays the kids were off unless the company was shut down (Memorial Day for example). But guess what? Now he can, because he has to look like Dad of the Year to the new supply and to everyone else who is watching. Funny how the narcs are always doing impression management!

And before our kids were born, my ex always seemed to get “sick” around Christmas. He’d ghost on the couch by sleeping or looked for attention for his “sickness” even at family get-togethers (my family). He didn’t do this around his family. Just my family. It’s like he didn’t like me getting attention or maybe he didn’t like me giving attention to my family? I don’t know! Even after both our kids were born and my family came to visit, his allergies acted up of course and he had to go sleep on the couch in front of everyone. I now look back on all this and wonder what was real and what was fake.

It’s like with not being around at home during the holidays, he was controlling things as he knew I wanted him home to be with us, his family! I just wanted us all to be together to do stuff or whatever.

And I know my birthday or Mother’s Day is not a holiday, but he’d purposely not celebrate my birthday (he’d just leave a card laying around for me to find) and never wished me happy Mother’s Day, got me flowers, gift or took me out for dinner. After over ten years of that treatment and I finally said something and he said, “You are not my mother.” And with regards to my birthday he said, “I didn’t know.” But he did know to email former female co-workers Happy Birthday messages and go out for lunch with them. You’d think I was a horrible wife and mom to be treated that way, but I was just the opposite. I now see it all about devaluing me so I’d try harder and harder to be a better wife in order to get a little bit scraps of attention and love. It’s sad we don’t see the abuse for what it was until we are out of it.

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    Kim Saeed says December 6, 2017

    Hi Jenny,

    I’m sorry for what you went through and I can relate to how difficult it must have been. I truly hope you are doing things to reclaim your happiness for life and that you enjoy the holidays this year.

    Hugs, Kim

    Reply
    Michelle Haney says December 6, 2017

    Wow!exact same thing happened to me!!!

    Reply
Anonymous says December 5, 2017

My narcissist discarded me a few months back. He did the whole ” in a relationship”, with his perfect woman, pictures splashed all over Facebook, when he’d never for six years, ever “claimed” me to his friends, family. Kept me a secret. I didn’t fit the image he wants to project. I’m 67, in therapy, and still falling apart. I’m afraid I’ll never get “me” back. Never feel good enough again. And if I do, it’ll be too late to maybe find someone who could appreciate and care for me and spend time with. I don’t think we ever ‘age out’ of being lonely or wanting companionship. He took that from me.

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    Kim Saeed says December 6, 2017

    Hi Anon,

    Sounds like you need to reclaim your spark! Age is nothing but a number…I see people your age starting fresh and finding healthy love all the time. If you’re not in any healing programs, you might want to check mine out. There’s one module on detaching, but the rest is about healing and rebuilding. Right now the program is discounted for the holidays. You can check it out here: https://kimsaeed.lpages.co/end-of-the-year-special/

    Either way, wishing you all the best!

    Kim XoXo

    Reply
Kim says December 5, 2017

I was doing so well and I went back and of course he made up some reason and said I was no good and he constantly says I don’t love him. (While he still has several women and of course they were just friends). It’s now Christmas time and of course he won’t do anything special for me because in his words I’m not deserving and I don’t love him. I started again not talking to him it has been for 12 days but I have hidden my calls but I’ve called. I’m trying so hard but I miss him but I am determined this time. Other guys want to go out I go but I miss him. I just want to really get over him and the mental abuse that has control over me.

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Johnny says December 5, 2016

My nark actually brought a new guy to my company xmas party. Thank you for your support

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    Robert says January 24, 2017

    My narc left and I found out went on holiday with a man she had groomed for several months when she got a free ride the man was tossed aside and she came knocking again back at my door saying it would never happen again and I fell for it only to be deceived again several weeks later…again all my fault and I find myself time and time again going through the same cycle all in the name of love…!!!

    Reply
      Kim says December 5, 2017

      Yes that is my problem I keep going back over and over again I feel so stupid and think do I have that low of self esteem that I keep going back to a man I know has other women and is just using me as a pawn in his game.
      I pray that we both learn and get over our narc
      I know we can do it.

      Reply
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