Emotional Healing for the Hurting Heart

By Kim Saeed | Initiating No Contact

Feb 20
Emotional healing

Isn’t it true that your emotions really take a knock when your heart is aching, especially when healing from an emotionally abusive relationship? Sometimes it feels like the day of healing is a million miles away. The difficult experiences you encountered during your time with an abusive manipulator can take a while to be purged from your system.

It’s definitely healthy to experience a range of emotions. However, it’s unwise to have the negative ones consume your existence. You’re better off working towards healing the hurt. That way, you can start to experience joy and happiness again.

Emotional healing is possible if you work at repairing the source of the hurt. As you’ll see, that may mean making some tough decisions:

1 – Remove negative influences from your life. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize something important. Some of the negative influences may very well be the people closest to you! It’s going to be a challenge separating from them. But your emotional health is more important that maintaining those relationships.

  • Do you still allow an abusive Ex a window through which to contact you? This is one of the most self-destructive areas of self-sabotage when healing from an abusive relationship.  We often come up with all kinds of creative excuses to keep an Ex in our lives when the truth is, most of those supposed “reasons” are just ways to deny and avoid reality.
  • Are any of your friends or family guilty of adding fuel to the fire? Can you identify times when they’ve encouraged you to forgive someone who offended you?
  • You can very quickly identify people whose advice is riddled with negativity. Do you have energy vampires in your life? Avoid allowing the years of friendship to cloud your judgment. You can almost guarantee continued misery if you keep them in your life.

2 – Accept responsibility for your actions. It’s pretty hard to look in the mirror, right? Deep down, you know your actions resulted in the hurt you feel. But it’s difficult to accept the part you played.

  • Confront your wrongdoings. Be courageous enough to accept responsibility for your actions and then set healthy boundaries for your relationships going forward.
  • Inner peace can elude you if you try to cover up the role you played. Inner turmoil can feel just as unbearable as physical discomfort.
  • In the same breath, be willing to forgive yourself so you can move on to better days ahead.

3 – Live according to your moral compass. You likely have a set of morals to live by. And while you know they exist, you may sometimes avoid them when making decisions. Abandoning morals is the easiest way to make missteps in life.

  • Go back to your roots. Take a hard look at what really matters to you. Start to embrace those morals one by one.
  • Start to repair how you approach situations. If making a decision means abandoning your moral compass, take another route. Just like any other compass, your moral compass keeps you on track. It’s the best way to avoid getting lost in the sea of emotional decision-making, especially if you’re in a relationship where you consistently compromise your personal integrity and values.

4 – Commit to daily renewal. The road to emotional healing is long and winding. It’s something that usually takes quite a bit of time to achieve. But it can be done! All you need to do is re-commit to the cause every morning when you wake up.

  • Daily renewal is the best way to turn your healing into habit. When you go for days without that renewal, it’s easy to slip back into the heartache. Be fair to yourself. Remember you deserve the healing.
  • At the end of each positive day, celebrate your progress. Congratulate yourself for completing one more day of healing and positive living.

Achieving emotional healing isn’t an automatic process and it won’t happen magically on its own. It takes time and a lot of attention. Now is the time to really take care of yourself. Focus on what you need and block out the noise around you. Use these tips to help you on your healing journey as you rebuild your life after narcissistic abuse.

Copyright 2017 – Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach

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About the Author

Kim Saeed is a narcissistic abuse recovery expert on a mission to help abuse survivors to heal, find purpose, and live joyfully after No Contact. She also hosts a podcast called Heal, Grow, Evolve, where she aims to help people create meaningful lives and relationships after emotional abuse. Listen and subscribe at www.healgrowevolvewithkim.com

Leave a Comment:

(11) comments

Kimberly February 28, 2017

Although I love all your articles, some days there the only thing that get me through my days. I am stuck. Have been for 10 year’s. I can’t leave. I have no where to go. I’ve asked my family, the church and friends and can sadly say they won’t help me. They are convinced things arnt that bad and im over reacting. they see my nice clean beautiful home and figure all is ok. He hasn’t touched me emotionally in 5 years. I haven’t been kissed or had my hand held, not even sex.
He is grossly addicted to porn and it satisfies him enough. Im an actor now because everything I say and do is fake. I no longer live I just exist. The loneliness is almost to much to handle some days. I’ve come to a realization that the only way out is suicide. I know that sounds drastic but it’s honestly the only way I know my heart will heal and I will be free. The only thing holding me back is my animals and not knowing what will happen to them. They have become what I live for everyday. I was thinking I may have to just take them with me or surely there lives will be horrible. I don’t know when, where or even how ill do this but at this point it’s inevitable and I truly believe it will be the best for everyone. It’s so disappointing when you try and explain to people what you’ve been through and what your going through. Even with uncontrollable tears in my eyes, wheeping and pleading with them to let me live with them and they look at you and say “im sorry you just can’t live here because you want to bring your cat”. And “it’s not that bad, you both seem fine when I visit you”. No one believes what im saying or they certinally question it. Being open and honest with someone about what my life has been like living with a porn addicted narcissist who physically and mentally abuses me sounds crazy to them so I just stopped talking about it. He has everyone fooled and I look like an unappreciative spoiled woman. It’s a no win situation and I give up. I know the day will come that I wake up and find the courage to end the he’ll I have been locked in for 10 years. That will be my best day with him yet. The day he can’t hurt me ever again.

Reply
    Jewel February 28, 2017

    Baby girl!!! He doesnt have me fooled! I know your pain!!!…Please, please don’t do anything to hurt yourself! God gave you life and he wants you to live it!…Go to him! He hears the cries in your heart! …Please recite Psalm 23 upon waking, after each meal & before bed every day! Study it & learn what it truly means…It will change your life for the better in just a few days!!! It helped me, I promise it will help you too!! I beg you! …. I am praying for you & your pets! They need you & I need you too! I need you to come back here and tell me that everything is OK and that life is good again 😊 … God will hear you, help you & will bless you! Please trust in the lord, be patient & never lose hope…He is your best friend! He loves you!!!!😇❤️

    Your life is very precious!! Your pets need you!

    Reply
    Jule March 1, 2017

    Baby girl Kimberly!!! He doesnt have me fooled! I know your pain!!!…Please, please don’t do anything to hurt yourself! God gave you life and he wants you to live it!…Go to him! He hears the cries in your heart! …Please recite Psalm 23 upon waking, after each meal & before bed every day! Study it & learn what it truly means…It will change your life for the better in just a few days!!! It helped me, I promise it will help you too!! I beg you! …. I am praying for you & your pets! They need you & I need you too! I need you to come back here and tell me that everything is OK and that life is good again 😊 … God will hear you, help you & will bless you! Please trust in the lord, be patient & never lose hope…He is your best friend! He loves you!!!!😇❤️

    Your life is very precious!! Your pets need you!🤗

    Reply
    Jule 💗 March 1, 2017

    Baby girl Kimberly!!! He doesnt have me fooled! I know your pain!!!…Please, please don’t do anything to hurt yourself! God gave you life and he wants you to live it!…Go to him! He hears the cries in your heart! …Please recite Psalm 23 upon waking, after each meal & before bed every day! Study it & learn what it truly means…It will change your life for the better in just a few days!!! It helped me, I promise it will help you too!! I beg you! …. I am praying for you & your pets! They need you & I need you too! I need you to come back here and tell me that everything is OK and that life is good again 😊 … God will hear you, help you & will bless you! Please trust in the lord, be patient & never lose hope…He is your best friend! He loves you!!!!😇❤️

    Your life is very precious!! Your pets need you!🤗

    Reply
    Kim Saeed March 1, 2017

    Hi Kimberly,

    I know exactly how you feel, but I would recommend that the first thing you do is contact a suicide hotline.

    Next, the best day with him won’t be one where you take your own life. The best day is when you are able to get out on your own and show him you don’t need him and you move forward with your life without him. A life well-lived is the absolute best revenge you can take.

    I don’t know where you live, but here in my area, I found great help by visiting a local domestic violence center. I made an appointment and talked to one of the staff who recognized I was being emotionally abused. Many DV centers consider emotional abuse to be just as serious as physical abuse. At any rate, they gave me a case manager and they offered various services like reduced-fee counseling and many others (that I didn’t use), that included transitional housing. If you are feeling hopeless and suicidal, perhaps they can offer you a place to stay until you can get on your feet.

    Reply
Kimberly February 28, 2017

Although I love all your articles, some days there the only thing that get me through my days. I am stuck. Have been for 10 year’s. I can’t leave. I have no where to go. I’ve asked my family, the church and friends and can sadly say they won’t help me. They are convinced things army that bad and im over reacting. they see my nice clean beautiful home and figure all is ok. He hasn’t touched me emotionally in 5 years. I haven’t been kissed or had my hand held, not even sex.
He is grossly addicted to porn and it satisfies him enough. Im an actor now because everything I say and do is take. I no longer live I just exist. The loneliness is almost to much to handle some days. I’ve come to a realization that the only way out is suicide. I know that sounds drastic but it’s honestly the only way I know my heart will heal and I will be free. The only thing holding me back is my animals and not knowing what will happen to them. They have become what I live for everyday. I was thinking I may have to just take them with me or surely there lives will be horrible. I don’t know when, where or even how ill do this but at this point it’s inevitable and I truly believe the best for everyone. It’s so disappointing when you try and explain to people what you’ve been through and what your going through. Even with uncontrollable tears in my eyes, wheeping and pleading with them to let you live with them and they look at you and say im sorry you just can’t live here because you want to bring your cat. And it’s not that bad, you both seem fine when I visit you. No one believes what im saying or they certinally question it. Being open and honest with someone about what my life has been like living with a porn addicted narcissist who physically and mentally abuses me sounds crazy to them so I just stopped talking about it. He has everyone fooled and I look like an unappreciative spoiled woman. It’s a no win situation and I give up. I know the day will come that I wake up and find the courage to end the he’ll I have been locked in for 10 years. That will be my best day with him yet. The day he can’t hurt me ever again.

Reply
    musiclady February 28, 2017

    I don’t feel qualified to help you but also need to reply. Do you realize you just published a suicide threat to the internet? You need to call a suicide hotline.

    Reply
    Marion March 1, 2017

    Dear Kimberley,

    It does not only sound sad, it IS sad.
    People around you will not believe you or do not want to put energy in you and your circumstances.

    Go to see your medical doctor (try to find one who knows anything about narcism) and explain that yoy need help. He has to give you HELP and he is obliged to keep it between you. Do not expect that your partner will participate in therapy.
    Your Md. will take care of medication, temporarily. He might have a kind of social worker or psychotherapist who can give you consultancy in how to get your life in society again. It helps (I go to see my Md eevery 2 weeks, and the helper the other 2 weeks. My medication I hardly use. I read a lot about narcism, not only experiences of other people, the shadow side of your character, angels and why you had to meet a narcist and what do you have to learn from it. Now after 3 months I am almost myself again. More inside than outside, meaning talking to my inside instead of people in the outside. They do not want it).

    Please try. I did not know what to do with angels, only heard about christmas angels, now I get accustomed. There is an english book : Assertiveness for Earth Angels by Doreen VIRTUE.

    It deals about of how to discover your weaknesses but also how to change it. You will recognise it for sure. It even says : you had to meet this narcistic person in order to learn something from it.

    Remember : a narcist is nothing by himself. He needs a well to exist.

    The book is about angels but it tells you more than that about changing your life. Not like in a fairy tale but out of reality.

    Go for it!!!!

    And about your animals. How sad it is, try to put them in a community home from the Government. I do not know it is in the USA (I live in Holland) and visit them once in a while or help them taking care of all the animals there. They will be safe and taken care of. And then you can work on yourself.
    If you commit suicide, with or without them, what is worse.
    Take the time to work on yourself. But FIRST get enough knowledge. Gary Zukav is a good writer in the states. His WORKING BOOK NOT ONLY READING!!!!! The Heart of the Soul will help you winning yourself back.

    Narcists go for strong persons. So get yourself back to that powerful person. You are worth it!!

    Maybe you will in loneliness. So be it. Maybe temporarily maybe for ever. But it least with your strong own self.
    Do not go to Dr.Phil. He is a narcist himself (smile, big smile). And church people sometimes are narcists too (another smile).

    Good luck. You can make it!!!!!

    Marion

    Reply
Emotional Healing for the Hurting Heart – Living By The Moonlight February 24, 2017

[…] via Emotional Healing for the Hurting Heart — Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed […]

Reply
merijoe February 20, 2017

Hi all, the man who confused me short term by love bombing me non stop for 2 weeks by email, phone, text, skype, facebook (saying things like Im his queen, he wants to marry me, that were exclusive, we can work out any problems that come up, etc) until I journeyed 400 miles to meet him only for him to decide I wasnt for him and told me we could be good friends half hour after we met in person and had sex, and totally ignored me, didnt even take me for a walk in the neighborhood, didnt discuss anything with me until I left, then started calling me on the phone- calling me a friend, dropped the love bombing but still would call me for a while, then he stopped, except one day when he called me just to yell at me for something, a project I had done for him, at no cost to him, that he wasnt able to work correctly. He called the person I hired to help me, a thief, accused me of hiring this so called “incompetent” guy because he was a jew like me, just flying off the handle for nothing. I finally stopped calling him back after I saw a “in relationship” on his facebook profile 6 months after he met me and decided we were only to be friends. that was April of 2014…then just recently I saw a wedding ring on his finger in a video of him I happened to run across. Its not that I am sad about losing him, I dont love him, what Im sad about is that he didnt mean it when he called me queen, said we could work out anything, loved me…and he never did.

Reply
    Marion February 20, 2017

    My dear,

    Just be glad that it ended like this. And that he has another relationship. Bcs otherwise he could become a stalker and you cannot get rid of him at all.

    I just ended a relationship. He called himself : kings child and I was his queen. I knew him from 53 years ago and he said he was looking for me for more than 30 years, after 2 marriages, one girl friend and how many more.

    All lies.

    Read a lt about narcism and gaslighting and never take any contact again. He will contact probably you, when there is nobody in his life anymore, even after 20 or 30 or more years.

    Be glad that you still ave your power, job and yourself. (I live in Holland, maybe my english is not so rich).
    Forget about him asa possible.

    If you read enough abt narcism you will never make the same mistake again. You will recognise them from 10 miles distance.

    You have the Trump ones and the shy ones, even more dangerous.

    Be happy with yourself.

    I wish you a good healing for yourself.

    Embraces
    Marion

    Reply
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