Does your toxic partner make you feel uncomfortable by sheer virtue of your being female? Does he make cruel and humiliating comments about your womanly body parts or demand sex when he wants it, yet withhold it from you?
If so, it’s very likely that your cruel partner hates women.
According to Wikipedia, misogyny is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including social exclusion, sex discrimination, hostility, and male privilege ideas, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification of women.
Misogynists treat women poorly because they believe that they are above women in every way. A relationship with a misogynist comes with a host of problems, including the fact that it’s neither healthy or fun if you’re the woman in the relationship. If you believe your partner is a misogynist, it is vital that you put an end to the relationship as soon as possible if you care about your mental well-being.
Not all narcissists are misogynists, but most all misogynists are narcissists. While you should make a beeline for the door in either case, following are nine traits that are typical of the narcissistic misogynist:
1 – He is extremely jealous of your career achievements and superior performance on the job.
You have a great career, the respect of your colleagues, and have accomplished grand things at your company but, instead of your partner being happy for you, he strives to make you feel as though your achievements mean absolutely nothing. He may laugh at and ridicule your talents as common or below-average. Misogynists are threatened and deathly afraid of successful, interesting women because they believe this status belongs to men only. Under closer inspection, you may find that his own performance on the job is substandard, which causes him to seethe with jealousy, rage, and injustice.
2 – He wants you to believe you couldn’t possibly possess educated opinions about anything.
How many times have you been in discussion with your partner when, in seconds flat, he is talking out of turn and interrupting you while you’re talking? In fact, he often hijacks the conversation and/or derails the original topic in order to steal the spotlight. Does he commonly go off on lengthy diatribes in order to show off how much he supposedly knows about a subject?
Yes? It’s because his sense of entitlement inspires him to believe that what he has to say is more important or valuable than anything you have to say.
3 – He quotes verses from the Bible to “put you in your place”.
Misogynists are very cunning. They scour the Bible and other religiously-toned material in order to back up the sexist remarks they make about women and their “place in the world”. He may bring up the concept of the Proverbs 31 Woman in an effort to place you beneath him so as to prove to you how wrong you are and how deserving and entitled he is. And if you dare bring up any verses or quotes depicting how God frowns upon spousal abuse or mistreatment in general, he sees red and has a nuclear meltdown designed to frighten you into submission. Such men are further convinced that they are right because many of their buddies agree with them. He endeavors to make you feel guilty for going against “The Word of God”.
4 – Sex is all about him and his pleasure, not yours.
Foreplay, if it happens at all, is only an obligatory means to an end. He likes oral sex but only if he’s the one receiving it. His favorite positions enable him to avoid looking you in the eyes. He objectifies you by insisting that you lose weight and get plastic surgery so you can look more like the women in pornographic movies.
Further, he may insist upon your showering or “cleaning yourself” before sex in an effort to shame you. Your own normal, human desire for physical intimacy is chastised and he makes you feel like a slut for wanting to be close to him in that way.
5 – He cheats on you constantly (and may be a sexist racist)
Misogynists believe that women are here solely to wait on men and service them sexually. Therefore, the last thing on his mind is devotion and monogamy. On that score, misogynists often have ethnic women in their lives as booty-calls or “sidepiece” roles while considering the Caucasian women they date as more “serious relationship material.” This stems from their racial and sexist objectification of women such as “spicy Latinas”, “dominant African-Americans”, or “submissive Asians”.
That’s not to say that they treat their Caucasian partners any better. Women are women, after all, in the mind of the misogynist.
Not all men who prefer one racial background over another are misogynists, but if you’re treated like a hidden, guilty pleasure instead of his main squeeze, you may want to ask yourself why – and seriously consider giving him the boot.
6 – He acts as if you’re a gold-digger.
Does your partner take you on cut-rate dates? Does he refuse to buy you gifts for special occasions and then call you a gold-digger if you bring up that it sometimes feels you’re being taken for granted? Misogynists believe that most women are parasites…out to get what they can from the male race.
Alternately, misogynists often take the approach to relationships that, when first getting to know a woman, they’ll intentionally take her on super cheap dates, and once they know she isn’t after their money, they’ll “reward” her by spending more money on her. This stems from his belief that women consider having money spent on them as some kind of intrinsic reward.
Misogynists believe all women are out for money and this is especially evident in divorce proceedings, with many narcissistic misogynists guilting you into believing you are a money-hungry monster. This is an attempt to have you sign away your rights in the case of divorce. Even if you are/were a stay-at-home mom or were asked to stay home at his request, you are still entitled to your fair share in the event of divorce. Let your attorney handle the details and don’t have any personal conversations with the narcissistic misogynist as he will try to make you believe you don’t deserve anything.
Read: Narcissists and Money
7 – He’s never hit you, but he does things that are otherwise abusive.
…such as squeezing your hand until it hurts, pinching you, shoving you, driving fast in order to scare you. These are all examples of his belief that men are more powerful than women and that women deserve to be punished when they’ve done something wrong, such as pointing out an unfairness, taking up for themselves, or otherwise displaying the capacity for independent thought.
8 – He treats you as a possession, not a person.
To the misogynist, you’re not a companion, you’re a trophy…an accessory. You’re part of his identity. You’re no more significant than his job, his car or his condo. And remember, if his Mercedes ever started driving people around without his permission, he’d crush it to the size of a cube. Same goes for you should you have the audacity to have friends or casual acquaintances.
9 – He calls you degrading names.
Misogynists call women c**t, whore, and slut when they are trying to instill fear, trying to put a woman “back in her place”, trying to remind her that what her identity boils down to is: her private parts. And her womanly parts are really all she’s permitted to use, not her brain or heart or voice or passion. And so when a man calls a woman a c**t, he is saying: Know your worth — you are here for no other reason than for me to use.
The hard facts
While your partner may not meet all of the above criteria, it only takes one toxic behavior to eventually destroy your self-esteem, not to mention the effects of long-term stress associated with this kind of abuse.
Misogynists are good at hiding their hatred of women because they feel good about themselves when they are able to put a woman down or hurt her feelings. This explains why they can be charming and irresistible one minute, then turn rude and demeaning the next.
When your partner makes you feel badly about yourself, he feels good on a subconscious level because he gets a momentary high from the dopamine that’s secreted by his brain, activating the pleasure centers inside there – -making him want to do it over and over again.
Copyright © 2017 Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach. All Rights Reserved
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Kim Saeed is a recognized relationship and new life educator specializing in helping narcissistic abuse survivors to heal, rebuild, find purpose, and live joyfully after No Contact. In 2013, she founded Let Me Reach, a life transformation company that teaches people to flourish after toxic relationships.