A troubling thought, isn’t it?
You’ve implemented No Contact, but you can’t help wondering when and how the narcissist will spring up out of nowhere.
Not only are you constantly looking over your shoulder, you’re still checking your phone every 17 seconds because you can’t remember if you blocked or unblocked and you obsess over whether they’ll call from an unknown number…
And secretly you hope they will call from an unknown number because that would give you a chance to give them a piece of your mind which, if we’re honest, will achieve squat and keep you struggling against the reality of their being a dysfunctional nitwit with no chance of redemption.
So, you go to your trusty source, the internet. You search articles and videos about No Contact, and before you know it, you’ve wasted hours of your precious time and you’re in a semi-coma because all the articles and videos incite mass hysteria and use thousands of words to bleat on and on about the toxicity of narcissists (no duh, right?) and push all your trauma triggers when you just wanted some practical steps.
Seriously. Can’t the “How To” articles just give you the information you want without your having to wade through the swamp of negativity, where you end up having to pop Xanax and ultimately don’t care anymore whether the narcissist contacts you or not?
After a while, you stop giving a crap. You’ve seen it all before. The articles and videos aren’t offering anything new. And you don’t have the answers you’re looking for.
Here’s a practical, no-drama, non-trigger approach to implementing and maintaining No Contact, using the eight most common scenarios where narcissists try to bust a move and make you break it.
The “Nope” Approach
1 – The Narcissist shows up unannounced and uninvited to your home.
You don’t answer when they knock. After a while, they’re still loitering and you consider calling the cops. Unsurprisingly, they walk over to the blinds and help themselves to a peek inside:
2 – You’re minding your own business at the local Panera when the narcissist coincidentally shows up out of nowhere. (Never mind they always hated Panera).
They walk over uninvited to your table.
3 – You successfully make it to your vehicle without incident after shopping at the local co-op, when the narcissist suddenly appears at your car window.
4 – You decide to take a weekend vacay near that lake you love so much.
As you’re out strolling before sunrise, the narcissist shockingly appears behind you, calling your name and pretending that a divine intervention brought the two of you to the same spot. (Can you say “SPYWARE”?)
5 – The narcissist shows up to your child’s school for the holiday play.
…like, for the first time. Ever. Your child is now in 5th grade.
6 – During your mediation for child custody arrangements, the narcissist says they need access to “call your child” 24/7 and want it put in writing that you must abide by their wish to Facetime or Skype whenever it’s convenient for them…you know, on account of their busy schedule or the fact they decided to skip town to live with their new supply.
7 – The narcissist sends a flying monkey over during the holiday season to persuade you into giving the narc another chance. After all, the holidays are all about reunion and forgiveness, right?
Not when narcissists are involved!
8 – Your Ex made a key to your apartment without your knowledge and pops in unannounced.
The first line of action is to flee the scene before contacting an attorney.
There you have it. You can read other articles and watch other videos, and you’ll hear the same story. Over and over and over again.
It’s not their fault. I mean, there’s really only so much you can say about narcissists and no contact.
And if you’ve made a few mistakes before reading this article, that’s okay. Take your licks, do your best to learn from them, and never, ever lose faith in yourself.
You really can do this.
Copyright 2017 Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach