1) When Does the Narcissist go No Contact?
The Narcissist doesn’t go No Contact. They either implement the Silent Treatment or discard you.
When the Narcissist starts ignoring you, blocking you, and leaving for a couple of weeks at the time (or more), it’s his/her way of forcing you to comply and accept abusive behavior patterns. For instance, it usually happens when you point out unfairness, confront them about cheating, or express your displeasure at something they’ve said or done. The Silent treatment is a manipulative tool the Narcissist uses when the relationship is ongoing. Further, they are usually grooming new supply during this time.
If the Narcissist has found a new source of supply, they will discard you, but oftentimes, it isn’t a final discard. At this point, they might admit they’ve found someone new, or simply leave without explanation and may begin to block you from contacting them. However, this isn’t No Contact. It’s an act of rejection because they feel they can’t feed off of you anymore, have simply grown bored and need new stimulation, or feel icky and need to clean up the mess they created.
Imagine yourself at a park. You’re walking through, enjoying the great weather when all of a sudden you step in a pile of dog dung. You feel disgusted, grossed out, and your only thoughts are how you can get rid of the mess and the unpleasant smell. That’s how the Narcissist feels when they start discarding you. They don’t want to deal with the mess of their partner’s emotions, crying, and requests for fidelity and normal relationship dynamics.
It’s important to remember there’s nothing wrong with you. The Narcissist does whatever the voice in their head (ego) tells them to do. Think of them as a psychological serial killer. They really can’t control themselves.
2) Can a Narcissist learn to “re-love” a spouse or significant other?
The Narcissist isn’t interested in learning anything with the exception of improving tools of control and manipulation. Besides, if you’re in or have been in a relationship with a Narcissist, the only love that exists is one-sided, meaning only you feel love emotions.
From the Narcissist’s point of view, it’s all about comfort, convenience, doing whatever they please, and being afforded the free will of hunting for new supply. This explains why they are almost always caught cheating. Even if they haven’t been discovered, they still do it because they know that every relationship they enter into will come to an end, whether it’s their choice or because their target can’t tolerate the abuse any longer.
3) How does the Narcissist feel when you go No Contact?
Panicked and/or pissed.
If the Narcissist hasn’t successfully lined up new supply when you go No Contact, they panic. Narcissists must have a source of supply for their survival. That’s why many times they will hoover to get you back, but then end up discarding you later after they secure acceptable supply.
Alternately, the Narcissist will be extremely angry that you took away their perceived power. How dare you? They are the one running the show, and you need to understand your place…which is another reason they hoover and then eventually discard you.
Accepting the Narcissist back in after breaking No Contact will ONLY lead to more pain and misery for you. There is no other outcome.
4) How can I reach the Narcissist’s real self?
A Narcissist doesn’t have a real self. They only have ego. That’s why nothing you say or do can change their perspective, because they aren’t capable of seeing any other perspective except that of their ego. I’m not talking about conceit, selfishness, or greed. They live solely from ego. And they will do and say whatever is necessary to preserve it.
Narcissists operate from a somewhat reptilian brain, and they have many different adaptations that allow them to live in society. Similar to some species of lizards, Narcissists use head-bobbing and other assertive, aggressive, courtship and greeting displays. Their primary drive is to establish and defend territory (ego). They are tyrannical to the extreme, even though this is often camouflaged in their interactions with society and romantic partners.
Experiment: Visit a local pet store. Locate a reptile. Try to reach its true self. Whatever result you achieve will be similar to an attempt to reach a Narcissist’s “true self”.
5) How can I get a Narcissist to forgive me?
Forgive you for what? Did you try to establish a healthy boundary, ask for respect, or lash out because they were abusive?
Narcissists aren’t capable of forgiveness. Every interaction they have is a battle of will. Even if they give the appearance that they’ve forgiven you, you can bet they are exacting revenge behind the scenes. Heck, even if they don’t forgive you, they will get revenge.
Remember how you ate the last crab leg seven years ago on one of your first dates? I’m sure you don’t. But they do. And they’ve been finding ways to make you pay ever since.