Did the narcissist leave you for a new love and is now having “second thoughts”? Perhaps you hadn’t heard from them in ages, and suddenly the narcissist comes back after months?
Or, did you finally leave and are now being stalked like an episode of Investigation Discovery, complete with love-bombing and hoovering to the nth degree?
As convincing as it may seem, this is simply the narcissist trying to hoover you back into a toxic relationship with them.
Every single action employed by the narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others. In order to prove your love to a narcissist, you must surrender all power and control to them and become a real-life marionette, whose only purpose is to enhance the narcissist’s false image, take care of their every need, and accept their self-serving abuse.
The narcissist has no real identity, only an illusion of themselves built on their ability to control other people. When they lose said control, this illusion is shattered. This explains why they shift into turbo gear when you implement No Contact. No Contact makes the narcissist feel small, worthless, and powerless. They whip themselves into a frenzy because they need your supply to maintain their false image. When you go into No Contact mode, you are shifting the power to yourself, and the narcissist loses their sanity because they’ve lost not only their God-like power, but also their emotional punching bag.
Narcissists are never happy. They are full of jealousy, rage, insecurity, and hatred. Due to this, he or she has a load of vile bile stewing in their stomach cavity at all times, and they need someone to project their negative emotions onto.
You’ve been emotionally and financially abused and cast-off like a paper bag from McDonald’s. You suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, crippling self-esteem, and depression. The reason you feel this way is not only because of how you were treated but because you’ve effectively internalized the way the narcissist has conditioned you to feel. They must devalue and discard their victims because once they are no longer able to absorb and internalize the narcissist’s self-hate, the narcissist is forced to find a new receptacle.
It’s also why they appear so happy with the new supply. The new supply doesn’t know the narcissist’s agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. But as was the case with you, and all the partners they had before you, the new supply will eventually be devalued and discarded, too.
Victims often believe that when the narcissist comes back after months, it’s because they’re in love. Allow me to share the Narcissist’s perspective on the topic of love, written by John Howell:
A Narcissist’s Love Letter
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the way I feel when I’m with you. I love myself through you. I love seeing myself through your eyes. I love seeing myself through my eyes imagining how I look through your eyes. I love having someone new to tell my stories to, to express my opinions, and to share my profound theories and beliefs about the important things in life. I love hearing myself say these things as I imagine how they sound to you, and how enthralled with me I imagine you are.
When I say I’m in love with you, I love having someone beautiful to wear, like a new outfit. I love the way you feel on me. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me.
When I say I’m in love with you, I love not being alone. I love not being that tree falling in the forest. I love having a full-time, personal audience.
When I say I’m in love with you I mean I love being your mystery, your riddle, being what keeps you up at night, your obsession. I love being your altar, your sacrament, your icon, your miracle. I love being your answer. I love being the object of your sacrifice. I love being your pain.
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I’m in love with being your sun, monopolizing your orbit, being your gravity, keeping you drawn back to me no matter how hard you try to jump or fly, keeping you down. Keeping you mine.
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I’m in love with breathing your air, sucking your blood, eating your dreams. I’m in love with being your drug, your dagger, your suicide note.
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.
John is a novelist, writer, entrepreneur, and consultant, whose best consulting is focused on what he did that others should avoid. You can find more of his work here on WordPress, at thoughtcatalog.com.
Are you stuck in the back-and-forth of trying to go No Contact for good? Reclaim your inner power, disarm the narcissist, and finally stay congruent with your wish for a healed life!