5 Early Warning Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist

[…] if it’s someone you’ve been dating a few months that you met online, don’t fall into a false sense of security and send them additional or […]

Yes on all counts. I had to drive the 2 hours to see him all the time. Then he would be angry if I was late. He tried to change my career from professional theatre to being his secretary in his failed law firm. He insisted that we spend all of our weekends watching him play in a band while I sat there in a dive bar when I should have had season tickets to the theatre. He hooked me with great behavior in the first year, then I was unknowingly trauma bonded. Had no clue about NPD until the discard when my journal matched the NPD textbook. These 5 things are on point. I have evidence to prove it.

I began dating someone I met from work, he has frequently texted “Did I do something wrong?” Also, in making an arrangement to get together, commented “Are you sure you want to!!”

Very timely. Dating a new guy after taking a one year break from dating a narcissist. During that time I met a few guys that had a few of the signs mentioned above. This guy so far seems different but I needed to read this as a reminder as to what to take note of. Thank you

Great advice here, Kim. Narcissists are masters of disguise, but even they can’t keep their mask straight all of the time.

If I can add to #5, this also reflects the narcissistic trait of grandiosity. The narcissist has to be better than you, and so he or she will invent things that “you could do better.” To the unwary who do not understand this, it could undermine their confidence in their own parenting skills and philosophy.

Another good post, Kim. Thank you.

Great list! Here are my responses to these behaviors to make these losers run fast in the opposite direction:

#1 – “My car was repossessed today. Do you mind picking me up?”

#2 – “Oh, you prefer red heads? I prefer men with a bigger you-know-what, but I guess we all have to settle, huh?.”

#3 – “One time, at band camp…”

#4 – “That’s hilarious, because my best friend is a Victoria’s Secret model. She admits that she likes dating boys. They’re so easily manipulated.”

#5 – “I’m sorry. Last I checked, Dr. Spock wrote that book.”

🙂

My narc showed NONE of these signs early on. The child rearing thing eventually showed up around 4-5 months or so. He was also rude to my then 4-year-old son when he once got hurt and cried and he mockingly called him a “Baby!”. I was so taken aback by this bullying of a child whom he barely knew (not like that mattered). He admitted later he was jealous of my son. I should have run then but I excused it thinking that he was just one of those guys who was raised to be a tough guy. I called him out on it and he apologized but the mask came off fully later and he was cruel to both my son and I. He had 2 adopted kids whom he seemed to love (the best a narc can) but he could never accept my son. He saw him as competition. He only had visitation with his other kids so he can handle kids in short bursts. Now he only sees our daughter occasionally. I swear he does this so he can keep patting himself on the back and calling himself a “family man”. Our therapist said, “He’s a family man alright…he collects them.” (I am his fourth ex wife and he still thinks it’s because no one has ever “adored, worshipped, and appreciated” him enough (his words). Anyhow, now I know that a good man doesn’t slip up like that even once because it’s not in them to bully a little child. “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” I try to always keep that in mind now. I mainly wanted to say that none of these things can be present early on and you can still be blindsided by a Narc. The real mask seems to come off when you marry them. Other sites have warned that if they only talk about themselves and don’t ask questions about you on your first few dates then that is a Narc sign. Not always true either. My ex constantly asked me questions on the first few phone calls and dates (I used to call it the “interviews”). I only found out later that he was just storing up info on me to use against me in verbally brutal and mocking ways later. Also, to use for his false chameleon like image in order to trap me…for example, he asked me about wanting kids on the first date. After I said I really wanted more kids he said he wanted a whole bunch, too. We used to talk about having seven total (meaning three more). After we were engaged he said he’d “agree to only one”. WTF? To this day he tells everyone that he agreed to having a baby only because I wanted one and I only used him for a child so that I could be a single mother because that is what he says I truly wanted. (He is the one who divorced me!) Even though I said I’d rather stand in front of a firing squad then to go through divorce again and be a single parent he has the evil nerve to cruelly divorce me and then tell people this blatant lie. WOW. It’s bait and switch and projection and twisted perversion with these guys. Now with dating, I’ve learned to ask the questions and not let them know how I feel about a topic first so that I can feel comfortable that I’m getting a more honest answer. Then when I get that answer, I believe it! If it doesn’t fit with what I want and who I am…NEXT! Sorry that was so long. I just hope it helps someone else to know that although narcs seem to share some common traits and signs they do not share all and even the things that look good (like them asking a lot of questions about you) could actually be fueled by evil intentions. Good luck to all.

Great advice- especially about trusting your instincts. I like how you distilled a lot of information into a few key points. It is easy to get caught u in the initial excitement of dating.

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