Some narcissists are stupid.
They love to use intimidation to get what they want. They threaten, scathe, cajole, and perform underhanded acts that make Bernie Madoff seem like a rookie. Because of this, many targets of emotional predators (i.e., Narcissists) spend years of valuable time in toxic relationships when they don’t have to.
When dealing with narcissists, often what keeps one trapped is their perceived notion that they are powerless. Our subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between real or imagined threats, so knowing what one is up against is essential, especially that some narcissists are downright stupid.
Most of the Narcissist’s threats are simply hot air disguised as the real thing. Below, I dissect the anatomy of common false threats and scorching remarks made by Narcissistic Ninnies:
1) When you mention the possibility of ending it, your partner tries to intimidate you by saying you’ll be left homeless and penniless. Furthermore, they’ll take the kids and you’ll never see them again.
Reality: It seems they aren’t taking into account their three DUI’s and the fact they’re driving on a restricted license. Their spotty employment record won’t look too good, either. Oh, and let’s not forget about that restraining order that was placed against them by a former squeeze.
Don’t let this person’s empty words scare you. They have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning any court battles. Besides, their burden of proof would lie in showing you’re an unfit parent. Judges aren’t prone to ripping children away from their parents or caregivers unless there is evidence pointing to the necessity of such. If your record is clean, you most likely have nothing to worry about. However, in the event you’ve been falsely accused by the Narcissist, read this article on proving your innocence.
2) They keep insisting that YOU’RE the only person they’ve ever had problems with, and further, the only one who can’t seem to understand them.
Reality: Let’s observe their last four Exes, shall we?
Ex #1 – See #1 above– They’re the one that had to file a restraining order against the Narcissist and developed agoraphobia from being stalked relentlessly. They can no longer leave their home without heavily medicating themselves.
Ex #2 – Joined Alcoholics Anonymous, but keeps falling off the wagon (which seems to coincide with the narcissist’s attempts to contact them).
Ex #3 – On anti-psychotic meds
Ex #4 – Attacked you in the parking lot at Whole Foods
Notice a pattern? They all have one common denominator…the narcissist.
3) They say to you repeatedly, “No one will ever care for you like I do”, “You should be grateful for what I do for you”, “I made huge sacrifices to be with you”
Reality: If your Narcissist actually finds gainful employment, they’re always one coffee break away from being fired. That last company layoff where they got the pink slip? They were actually let go because they wouldn’t stop using their cell phone while on the clock. Their huge sacrifice? A former source of supply who was letting the Narcissist live as a kept lover. This person worked two jobs, paid all the bills, and allowed the Narcissist to stay home, but kicked the narc out when they came home early one day and caught them in bed with their neighbor.
4) They tell you, “You’ll always be a loser”, when you do something they don’t like or make a small, common mistake.
Reality: By telling you that you’re a “loser”, they’re implying that they’re a winner. Again, it’s important not to focus so much on what they’re saying, but on concrete facts. Let’s examine the following example:
You: educated; several promotions at work or you started your own business; symbols of stability such as car, home, and a large networking group(at least before meeting the Narc); strong friendships; could easily obtain positive recommendations from employers and acquaintances
The Narcissistic Ninny: quits job every year or two (if they last that long without being fired); a string of “psychotic” exes; constantly plotting a way to get on disability; always living with family members or “friends” they’ve managed to deceive; could never obtain a positive recommendation (unless it was fake)
Don’t fall victim to the Narcissist’s verbal tomfoolery. If they repeatedly cheat on you, you aren’t the one breaking up the family…they are. You’re not insecure and jealous if you discovered their porn addiction and sexts to the new employee at their work. You aren’t “bipolar” because of your emotional highs and lows…you’ve been emotionally traumatized.
There’s only one way to halt this monkey business and that’s by going No Contact and devising your exit strategy.
**If you’re in a domestic violence situation, please use a safety plan along with your exit strategy.